Tag Archives: Culture

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It’s time to control the lives of celebrities so they can’t control us

Have you ever met a real famous celebrity? I sure hope so, because at least then you’d have been face-to-face with someone who’s trying to order you how to live.

A United Nations event that hosts world leaders is also apparently a time for a bunch of famous actors to get together and dictate to humanity. Because since they have so much money and fame, it gives them the right to tell those poorer and less famous than them (all of us) what’s right and wrong with our lives.

If any of you want to make the argument that the United Nations is a legitimate organization to be taken seriously, I invite you to now make that point. When the Secretary General is seated next a 24 year old girl whose only life qualification is that she’s a prominent actress.

So the media (not actual journalists) have deemed Emma Watson’s speech more awe-inspiring than anything ever uttered by, oh say Eleanor Roosevelt. Emma’s got it in her mind to rebrand feminism. Ah, I see, she wants to remind the other half of the human race that:

“… fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating..”

Well Emma, what would ever give us that opinion? Perhaps when you say things like:

“If men don’t have to be aggressive, women won’t be compelled to be submissive. If men don’t need to control, women won’t have to be controlled.”

Hey Emma, I don’t know you, maybe you’re an awesome person and mean well. But you know what, we men who are not rapist-drunk-beating-assholes don’t enjoy being constantly called “aggressive” lunatics hell-bent on making women “submissive” via “control”. 

If you have a problem that feminism has become synonymous with “man-hating”, maybe you should start by proofreading your own speech.

Next up to the arrogant plate was none other than everybody’s favorite man-child Leo DiCaprio, aka the coolest, sexiest man since Achilles. Leo wants to make sure you’re called to action over climate change. 

You see, Leo’s very upset that you don’t care about the climate because your world economy’s been under recession for nearly a decade and you’re distracted by silly things like war. Wars the UN apparently can’t solve. I guess the UN’s too busy scheduling press conferences for celebrities?

As summarized by humanity’s second favorite man-child, Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon:

The UN secretary general Ban ki Moon said the actor’s global stardom was the perfect match for the global challenge posed by climate change.

Mr DiCaprio’s first duty in his new role will be to address the opening of the climate summit later this month in New York. 

Please to note the words “global stardom” was the descriptive qualification chosen as to why Leo should tell us what we can and cannot do.

Hey folks, did you hear! Leo’s selling his mansion(s) and all his fancy cars. He’s going to reduce his carbon footprint to the point that it’s commensurate with normal people (us). How honorable of him! We love you, Leo! You’ll lead us the promised land in a timeline/set-of-actions determined by you and only you. We’ll follow!

I mean, if he didn’t sell all his stuff, and instead just kept all his millions and his carbon footprint that’s forty-seven times larger than the average person, it’d make him a vicious-hypocrite. So you know he’ll do it, right?

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If aliens wanted to understand why our planet’s on fire, this picture would be a good start

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Are you happy? 91 lashes for you, pig!

Leave it to some of the planet’s creepiest, most hypocritical goons to get mad at a dance song.  They can embezzle billions, rape their own people for three decades, and murder at will.  But the folks they rule can’t dance or they get tortured.  Wow, that’s quite the benevolent religious paradise they’ve got going.  Who wouldn’t want to join the club?

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-29272732

You know, I sometimes get the feeling that brutal dictatorships do this just because they can.  They don’t really care about these people dancing, they just want to show everybody they can crush folks at a whim.  That they can be assholes for no reason and get away with it.

I especially think that’s the case here because they actually got these folks to confess on camera that they’d been duped.  Not only can the overwhelming power of the Iranian State keep you from dancing, it can melt your brain to the point you admit you hate dancing, when you don’t.  All Hail!  I want to live in a Benevolent State than can force me to admit on video that I hate beer.  Good luck with that, hit squad losers!  I’m pretty sure you’d have to electric drill my cheeks first.

Maybe the Iranian State’s death squads need to change their tune?  Maybe they should try smiling a little, like spread happiness instead of raw fear.  At least then they could pull the wool over everybody’s eyes.  Here, just take a look at this guy, now this is how you spread happiness in a vicious-fenced-liquidation-camp:

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Now that’s a guy I could have a drink with!

I feel bad for Pharrell Williams though, that he has this on his conscience, it’s not his fault, but he says the right thing:

“It is beyond sad that these kids were arrested for trying to spread happiness,”

So if ordinary citizens post a video online saying they’re happy to be from Tehran and are then punished by the Iranian State, does that mean the Iranian State is not happy to be from Tehran?  We think yes.  Accordingly, we invite them to leave Tehran and move in with my guests & I.  I assure you, you’ll be well treated.  You can trust my guests.  They’re just like you guys, so you know you can count on honesty and integrity.

stormy

The Arcturus Project’s Weekly (Not Weekly) Stormy Cloud Award goes to His Eminence Grand Ayatollah Ali Hosseini Khamenei, Overlord & Dictator of the Iranian People

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Exterminate all chimpanzees! And other wise ideas.

In a shocking revelation shocking only to those not in touch with reality it turns out that chimpanzees are not in fact peaceful-pot-smoking-hippy-like-creatures. When did this happen? I thought they were completely civilized and reasonable, like us.

http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-29237276

So apparently (very little surprises me anymore) there were real live people who actually believed that chimps only killed each other because of human interference. As in, that if humans weren’t around, chimps wouldn’t kill each other. So they had to commission a study to prove this idea wrong.

That’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And I live with a bunch of fringe lunatics. Speaking of which, what kind of fringe lunatic did you have to be to declare that chimps only murder because humans are around? Why do we always have to blame humanity for everything that’s wrong in the universe?

I mean, I know I do, but seriously, it’s not always our fault. We’re not responsible if a star a thousand light-years away somehow accidentally blows up. We’re not responsible if my guests hijack a nuclear submarine and use it to start World War III so they can “thin the herd”. Whatever you believe about life, it makes perfect sense that chimps kill each other like dirty animals in the same fashion as we do.

Still, I don’t know about you but this study worries me quite a bit. It appears the chimps are rather capable. They conduct complex combat patrols. They gang up on their neighbors to acquire resources and territory. It’s only a matter of time before they’re wielding firearms and building turbine powered fixed-wing aircraft.

We need to get ahead of this problem. It’s time to do what humans do best, exterminate something. We need to take out the chimps before they get us. It’s only natural. It’s in our blood. If the chimps were us, they’d do it too.

So grab your weapon of choice, book a ticket, and meet me inside N’Djili International Airport at midnight on the 1st of October. We’re headed into the jungle for a daring first strike mission. My guests will accompany us on our Glorious Venture! And they’ll bring their toys. So you know we’ll win. Let’s show those primates how you do murder right!

chimpanzee

Pan troglodytes, nature’s second deadliest killing machine

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I don’t get it

No seriously, I don’t get it. If you get this ice bucket thing, like you actually can wrap your brain around it? Please contact us and describe what’s wrong with you.

So as best as I understand this nonsense [face palm] so like [furrows brow], you get challenged by somebody, and then you can give money to charity or dump ice on your head. I guess?

So the idea is to raise awareness? And to raise money for charity? But if you dump the ice, you don’t have to give any real money? So all you’re doing is increasing awareness?

But awareness can be a substitute for inaction, so what are you actually accomplishing? But what if you do both the ice thing and still give money? Are you like some super internet master, and, so, uh, …

This isn’t a freak phenomenon promoted by wacky cult members. Reasonable human beings are doing this. Folks with jobs, dreams, fears, kids, stalkers, boats, etc. And then they’re challenging their friends to do it.

Because nothing says you care about your friend more than challenging them to conduct a creepy bizarre ritual based upon a nonsense concept invented on social media by people with far, far too much time on their hands.

I’m becoming more and more convinced that my guests are entirely correct when they drunkenly boast:

“We created social media to distract and degenerate humanity’s already shit intellect so that one day we can liquidate and/or enslave you with minimal resistance, pig!” [throws chair]

Hey anybody ever volunteer at a soup kitchen? This simplest and quickest of charitable acts doesn’t cost you a dime. It’s usually over in three hours leaving plenty of time to go get wasted at the bar with your friends (not social media) afterwards.

Plus you’ll get shocked when you look across the table and realize you’re serving your human equivalent who is clearly high, hasn’t slept indoors in days, and given bad choices, a broken home, or just plain dumb luck: You could be them.

It’s a very rough thing to accept. But it propels you to action. Kind of like how dumping ice on your head does not.

Which brings us to the real point of this post. TAP is pleased to announce the Bone Marrow Challenge. Our goal is to end slanted pictures. Folks, we don’t want to alarm you, but scientists say 40% of America’s pictures are hanging crooked. This problem isn’t going to fix itself. We’re going to fix it. You can help us.

When you’re approached with the Bone Marrow Challenge you must either donate money to TAP’s Frame Nudging Charity or you have to shove your non-dominant hand into a pot of flaming coals and hold it there until your flesh is seared off and you have nothing left but bone marrow.

We challenge you! And we promise, our way guarantees you’ll actually donate money.

icebucketbree

A dumber and more bizarre human act than spending an intimate night with a plague infested talking rat named Steve

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It’s gotten much worse in Ferguson

We used this picture many months ago to illustrate Russia’s tyranny prior to the Sochi Olympics.  You may recognize it.  It’s happening right now in Ferguson, Missouri. SpreadingOlympicJoy

Yesterday we touched on the shooting of unarmed men by police officers.

Now we can highlight other things you should never see in America, but that are happening before our eyes:

– Police pointing automatic weapons and sniper rifles at unarmed citizens exercising their right to freedom of speech

– Police covering those holding automatic weapons with armored vehicles originally designed to fight on the battlefield

– The unlawful arrest of two reporters for exercising nothing but their constitutional right

The reporters, Wesley Lowery of The Washington Post and Ryan Reilly of The Huffington Post, say they were arrested.  They were.  But the police have a different word.  They call it “detainment”.  This is the word the police use to cover themselves when they break the law and arrest somebody without probable cause.  They say they “detained” you and then set you free.  Like you’re supposed to be grateful to your government masters that they didn’t actually charge you with a crime.  Even though you committed no crime.

Said Mr Lowery:  “Apparently, in America, in 2014, police can manhandle you, take you into custody, put you in a cell & then open the door like it didn’t happen.”

Yes Mr Lowery, they most certainly can.

SpreadingOlympicJoy

This is the future of America, unless we spread the word, and fight to change it.

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Make sure you think for yourself

So the Ferguson, Missouri shooting seems like an uncontroversial thing to write about. Nobody’s got strong feelings on this at all. It’s been a pretty quiet issue all things being equal.

I’m not wading into what happened. There’s only two men who know what really happened in Ferguson. One of them is dead. So they have to ask the cop. And maybe the witnesses. In the end, nobody’s going to ever get the truth. It’s the way these things go.

What really scares me though is the media’s narrative and the broader trends. Michael Brown, a young black man, was shot four days ago. It’s been front page news ever since. Every news outlet in the country is all over this.

But have you ever heard of Kevin McCullers? While backing out of his driveway on July 17th he was shot in the spine by a cop there to serve him a warrant for unpaid parking tickets. The officer claimed he believed McCullers was trying to run him over. The story never left the local news.

I’m not wading into what happened. There’s only two men who know what really happened to Mr McCullers. One of them is alive, but paralyzed. So they’ll have to ask them both. And maybe any witnesses. In the end, nobody’s going to ever get the truth. It’s the way these things go.

So why is one incident front page national news and the other incident pure local news?

In both cases an unarmed man was shot by a cop under disputed circumstances. 

Well, that I’ll wade into.

1) It’s considered a bigger deal when an unarmed teenager is shot than an unarmed middle-aged man

2) The most fervent race baiters in our culture are the media because they think it sells

3) A lot of people probably think Mr McCullers should have just paid his parking tickets whereas I’m pretty sure Mr Brown was not initially accused of any crime

We’ve written about the enforcers previously. My problem is that both these incidents should have been covered by the media equally. We have a racial problem in America of varying degrees, it depends on who you ask.

But you know what, we also have an enforcer problem in America. And our inflammatory media should be covering that facet more than just the racial aspect. But they won’t, because as mentioned, they’re race baiters and profiteers first. The broader public interest doesn’t excite them or their wallets.

Do you still not get what I’m saying? How about this:

The District Attorney Jim Martin says Mr McCullers could have avoided a shot to the back had he entered into a parking ticket payment plan. Wow, clearly here’s a civil servant deeply concerned that an unarmed free citizen was shot over a pittance. This is the contempt you are held by at least some portion of the folks who are paid by you, to serve you.

I’m not saying in these two specific incidents that both these cops are horrible human beings.  Maybe they both just made really bad mistakes.  People, cops too, are human.  And humans make bad mistakes every day.  Or maybe Mr Brown actually tried to take the officer’s gun and Mr McCullers actually tried to run the cop over.  Like I said, nobody’s ever going to get the real truth.

But what I am saying is that this kind of thing happens too often.  Across all races, all ages, all of the country.  Maybe it’s always been this way, and now we actually hear about it because of social media, the internet, etc.  Either way, it’s got to stop or a free nation we are not.

Don’t listen to the media’s take alone.

richardandhisteam

Make sure you think for yourself.

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What chance for peace?

If you’ve foolishly read this blog for a while, you’ll know how much we love censorship in all its glory. So you can guarantee we’re totally in favor of censoring a film kiss like it’s 1645. Who likes kissing anyways? It’d be so much easier to reproduce the human race in a controlled lab facilitated by machines who are also our masters.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-28702527

So a Pakistani actress apparently can’t even kiss an Indian actor on screen without folks reaching for the nuclear rocket launch codes.

Hey you know what, Pakistani zealots, if you don’t want your best actresses crossing the border to make their cash in India, maybe you should, you know, stop acting like assholes to them.

And please observe how those shouting the loudest have nothing to do with the Pakistani street but are invariably politicians, clergy, or other powerful men (not real men) who likely make seventeen-hundred times the salary of the average Pakistani. So I guess they have all the time in the world to act like jerks.

So because the censors love to censor, if you’re in Pakistan you’re unlikely to see this kiss. I suppose instead, while the kiss is occurring on screen, they’ll superimpose an image of a flaming Taj Mahal until the scene concludes.

You know it’s becoming increasingly harder to judge the India / Pakistani divide with any possibility of an even view. If the Pakistani leadership can’t even stand one kiss, what chance does long term peace have at all? Probably none. Which is a bummer. Because I suppose the kiss would be a lot better with peace in the background.

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If you’re the kind of person who finds this worthy of censorship, it’s time to get your humanity card revoked. Please provide me your contact information so my guests can facilitate said revocation.