Humor is great, and there’s not nearly enough of it in our world anymore. A derivation of this one was posted on the wall of a local bar I go to:
The “Hug Me!!!” gets me laughing. It’s fun. But in a search of the dreaded Internets, there are more:
Wow! Event the sharks are in on the religion game. Just like that guy on the metro yesterday who accosted me and was trying to convert me to the ways of the Aztec demon god Itzpapalotltotec. As if I’d ever be interested in that.
Hey speaking of being misunderstood, do you feel like nobody gets you in life? I mean, I do, but don’t worry, Itzpapalotltotec has answers. The blood of the bone is all you need to clean your soul and find the enlightenment of The Way. Hug me!!!, ah, or, ah, learn from Itzpapalotltotec. Yes, yes, um, Itzpapalotltotec has answers. [shifty eyes]
Or, just look up more funny shark pictures online. Either way.
“The best people to lead us all is one who has never, ever made an actual mistake,” say experts of new modern era.
When he’s not writing more esoteric, baffling Xi Thought, or establishing a mini-apartheid state, or eating barrels full of honey straight from the hive, Chairman Xi must have a busy life. So it’s pretty cool of him to descend from his famous and luscious Honey Tower to confer with a few people from the degenerate masses [who were prescreened for both disease and political affiliation and had their families held hostage at knifepoint until the cameras left].
Hey, it’s already been over a month since people started dying, but in all honesty you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near these people either. Viruses are bad things, and dictators need to avoid bad things, in order to do bad things to other people. Like locking up doctors who try to stop a bad virus from happening, that’s a bad thing.
But Xi has adopted Putin’s tactic of being a Tsar/Chairman. The sins of the Empire are the fault of local officials, only. If only Xi knew what was going on, surely HE would have put a stop to it. Only through HIS benevolence is government waste and corruption even held in check. Hell, without Xi, coronavirus would be in your kitchen right now, eating your food and beating your family with a cricket bat.
So here’s to you Chairman! [breaks full bottle of baijiu over dirty peasant’s head; alcohol gets in eyes, which the face mask is completely ineffective at protecting; peasant screams in agony; fawning sycophants clap in rhythm]