poison own body, gas fellow humans, earn minimum wage

This weekend democracy protestors in Hong Kong were sighted singing the Star Spangled Banner while asking Trump for help against the Giant Octopus that is the Chinese Communist Party and its turncoat Hong Kong underlings.

I’m not entirely sure this the best move.  I even wonder if the Commies inserted these people as a fifth column to make the protestors look like foreign agents instead of shopkeepers and airport baggage handlers who don’t relish the idea of being black bagged to Beijing on a dark night’s moment’s notice.

But if these folks are legitimate, they might do well to look at Afghanistan, or Syria, or Iraq, and wonder if America might perhaps not make the best of allies to ask for help at this current moment in world history.

In any event, our plucky freedom lovers were promptly tear gassed for their trouble.  Guess what, the gas canisters are Made in America.  Here’s a shot of an expended canister lying on the Hong Kong streets.

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Here’s the BuzzFeed article on the background of dirt poor folks struggling to make a living on minimum wage in rural Pennsylvania as they poison their own bodies so the stuff they make can poison others in various foreign lands.  If you’re a dictator, nothing says quality in the misery tools you employ like Made in America!  Just ask your Yemini neighbor.

Gee, thank God BuzzFeed is on the case, otherwise nobody would know.  I guess the New York Times and Washington Post are too busy looking at Twitter and admiring themselves in the mirror.  We gotta rely on BuzzFeed for help here, geez.  Gee wiz.

I think this tale is quite the perfect encapsulation with just about everything that’s wrong in America right now.  Of course, at the end of the article it says Congress is on the case.  There’s gonna get it fixed!  [cue laugh track]

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Cheers!  From our country, to yours.

How not to win a protest

Attention Occupy Central, this isn’t going to work. Mass civil protests do not usually succeed when you live in a country without a civil society. If the Reds killed you all tomorrow, what do you think the rest of the world would do? Protest? Sanction Red China?

It’s not going to happen. The entire planet’s iPhone 6s are made there. This is apparently a strategic industry more valuable than oil, gold, or rhino horns. Nobody’s going to help you. The Earth’s people need that phone. They use it to talk to their friends, watch drunk cat videos, and read shitty blog posts produced by idiots.

By clogging up the streets you’ve given the Reds the chance to paint you as obstructionist lunatics. And they can just wait you out. The election’s not until 2017. Eventually you’re going to have to shower, use the bathroom, or pay the bills somehow. When you leave, the Reds will just carry on with the same plan as if nothing happened.

The way we see this you have two legit options:

1) Start burning the city now in a reckless attempt to provoke a wider civil war

2) Calmly & methodically negotiate with your Communist masters; and use the power of freedom & justice to progressively expose their fraud-hack-dictatorship over many decades until they collapse

As much as we’d enjoy watching the chaos of the former option, we strongly endorse the latter as your best bet.

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They won’t need gunfire, it’ll get cold soon enough