Attention Occupy Central, this isn’t going to work. Mass civil protests do not usually succeed when you live in a country without a civil society. If the Reds killed you all tomorrow, what do you think the rest of the world would do? Protest? Sanction Red China?

It’s not going to happen. The entire planet’s iPhone 6s are made there. This is apparently a strategic industry more valuable than oil, gold, or rhino horns. Nobody’s going to help you. The Earth’s people need that phone. They use it to talk to their friends, watch drunk cat videos, and read shitty blog posts produced by idiots.

By clogging up the streets you’ve given the Reds the chance to paint you as obstructionist lunatics. And they can just wait you out. The election’s not until 2017. Eventually you’re going to have to shower, use the bathroom, or pay the bills somehow. When you leave, the Reds will just carry on with the same plan as if nothing happened.

The way we see this you have two legit options:

1) Start burning the city now in a reckless attempt to provoke a wider civil war

2) Calmly & methodically negotiate with your Communist masters; and use the power of freedom & justice to progressively expose their fraud-hack-dictatorship over many decades until they collapse

As much as we’d enjoy watching the chaos of the former option, we strongly endorse the latter as your best bet.

They won’t need gunfire, it’ll get cold soon enough