I think it’d be a pretty good idea to take Abbas, Netanyahu, and whatever goon is currently pulling the levers at Hamas, we put them in the open desert, then we get about six hundred Jewish & Muslim children to throw pebbles at them until things wrap up. Or we shoot rockets at the Hamas guys, drop bombs on Netanyahu, and Abbas we just leave for the desert to claim. Then everybody else can get on with their lives.

For those of you who are inclined to blame one side or the other, I instruct you to take a better look at reality.

Hamas blames Israel, but is perfectly happy to put rocket launcher emplacements beneath some dude’s house. Then they leave the kids in the house in the hopes that if Israel drops the building that they have civilian casualties to blame on the Jews. Hey assholes, how about you not put the rockets underneath the baby’s crib.

Israel blames Hamas, but is perfectly happy to recklessly drop buildings, arrest countless folks who have nothing to do with this current violence, and generally demonstrate to the planet what it’s like to be a colossal prick. Hey assholes, how about you at least pretend you’re in any way interested in coming off as the good guys.

Who started this round? Who cares. Each leader is happy there’s a fight. It’s what they do. Hamas wants to get their face caved in at least once every two years so they can justify their otherwise piss poor leadership as a resistance. Israel wants to cave in Hamas’ face once every two years so they can drain a never ending supply of rockets. Plus as long as there’s a fight, Israel has no reason to pursue peace. This suits Netanyahu’s worldview just fine.

Maybe you take Hamas’ side. Maybe you think Israel is too heavy handed or that their response lacks all proportionality. Well, I guess, but before you completely pass judgment I’d ask you to spend a week with your kids waiting for the school bus underneath a concrete bomb shelter. Or, go do your bar crawl underneath air raid sirens.

I wonder what Hamas would do if they had jets and heavy armor. I’m sure they wouldn’t drop buildings in Tel Aviv or invade Jerusalem. I’m sure Hamas, because they seem like moral, upstanding dudes, would just be the very picture of model world citizens. They’d show Israel how you act like a responsible power, I’m sure.

Maybe you take Israel’s side. Maybe you think Hamas is just a bunch of terrorists who deserve to die because they want to destroy Israel. Well, I guess, but before you completely pass judgment I’d ask you to explain how you support things like the arrest of tens-of-thousands without charge, the demolition of a guy’s home without trial or conviction, or dropping a whole apartment building because there’s apparently twelve homemade rockets near the water heater.

You know if Israel’s not going to behave like a moral democracy, then why should anybody from the West care what happens to it? If Israel isn’t committed, in any form, to behave like the good guys, then they’re just yet another militant, violent Middle Eastern tribe. And then the world should just let Israel have it out with its enemies like tribes do. Cool, so all that US military aide, all the Jewish support Israel demands, all that can go away because Netanyahu is cool grinding morals underneath tank treads.

Here’s my nuanced solution to this complex problem:

Build a big wall around Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank. Cut off all outside contact from the planet. Close the gates. Open up the gates in about ten years. Whatever happens, happens.

These leaders are just so far off the map, just leave them to their fate. Everything else from the planet just enables their lunacy. If the Palestinians and the Israeli’s don’t like their leaders, behind my wall, they’ll figure it out somehow.

As my grandfather used to say regarding humanitarian intervention, when neither side was humanitarian, and as he’d known his fair share of gunfire, “Just let ‘em have it out.”

Israeli airstrike in Gaza, circa 2019