After a mild winter, spring’s coming way early. This is welcome, though not 100% proven this stupid coronavirus likely spreads less effectively in the higher temperatures just like the flu does. Let’s hope for a super warm spring.
Monthly Archives: March 2020
a classy drink for the true gentlemen
You may have noticed recent television advertisements where ordinary average gentlemen, day care worker, former crash scene investigator, and jai-alai extraordinaire Conor McGregor shills for Proper 12 whiskey, aka his own whiskey company.
Just as a reminder, here is the video of McGregor sucker punching an old man square in the face in a Dublin pub for refusing to drink his “shite” whiskey.
Conor’s walking around with his bottle and handing out free shots. Conor lays the plastic cups on the bar and the old man emphatically takes two of them and slams them back behind the rail. Conor didn’t take this well and like all true gentlemen responded with cowardly violence. Conor has to be physically restrained by his handlers otherwise I guess he would have kept wailing on this guy? What a piece of shit.
So if you want to drink Proper 12 (my Guests and I aren’t sure why anybody would particularly when there are 271 better whiskeys available) in case you were tempted we propose the following. You can drink Proper 12, but if you have to take a bare knuckled punch to the face from that old man. You might not think this is a big deal, but:
1) Old man directly and deliberately shined on lethal martial arts champion
2) Old man takes a sucker punch directly to the skull without falling from his bar seat
3) Old man thinks so little of said sucker punch that he doesn’t even bother to rise from his stool
4) Old man did all of this while probably six pints into the black stuff clearly in front of him
Do you want to fight that old man? We sure don’t. Don’t drink Conor’s shite.
spot the shite in this shot
with master plan failed, Perez contemplates retirement
Dejected, with his face clasped between his hands, Democratic National Committee chair Tom Perez was said by close aids to be ready to retire. “I don’t know what happened, we were so close,” said the longtime operative, “I mean, I know it was a long shot putting an eight year old boy up front, but even when he washed out I was sure Bernie could ram his way through. I mean, Bernie’s psychotic followers probably think he has his own Moon base, their rage should have been enough. What the hell happened,” Perez lamented as his stroked his prized MAGA hat. Aides continued to marvel at the failure of Perez’s finely tuned master plan, so expertly crafted. Said 23 year old intern Michelle Anderson of Soho, “Tom put up 47 candidates, half of them lunatics, the other half as bland or boring as paint that dried in 1734. They should have cancelled each other out, destroyed one another in an orgy of enraged partisan violence. We should have erased the field, our nominee should have been a mouth foaming zombie. How did Joe do this to us?”
Insiders described the DNC headquarters as a “dank tomb” as the Super Tuesday results posted with Biden’s shocking rebound following a series of recent gaffe’s that made a final stage Alzheimer’s patient seem lucid. “Tom just couldn’t take it,” said one DNC pollster, “he retreated into his office, tears in his eyes. He just kept sobbing and clutching his MAGA hat like it was a service dog puppy.” With voters seemingly on path to discard the 46 unelectable fodder from the field, analysts within the DNC are now said to turn their attention onto Biden’s many flaws as their next move to keep Trump great again. “Tom has a list in his office,” said one, “of the 784 different things Joe’s done in the last three decades which in this Twitter era should make him completely unelectable. It’s kind of creepy, it’s like something a serial killer would have on his basement wall.”
But some DNC workers are said to deeply question Perez’s methodology and were urging him to follow through on his retirement plans. “Tom doesn’t get it, Joe’s the kind of candidate that almost anybody would be cool having a beer with. Even if Joe started to wander off and talk about how he once broke Gandhi out of jail while dual-wielding a pair of Yugoslavian machine pistols, you’d still enjoy the drink. I don’t know how we get Trump to win given that level of likability.” At press time, Perez was said to be cold calling Belarusian dictator Alexander Lukashenko demanding he come clean about Biden’s motorcycle gang days in a Minsk slum. An irate Lukashenko was said to have repeatedly stated, his voice rising to Perez, “You dumb fucker, this is Belarus, Belarus, do you hear me? I don’t live in Ukraine or Delaware. Did you even bother to look at Biden’s jacket colors?”
sad turtle face
DuckDuckGo flies from the top rope
Long time readers of this degenerate blog will know I take data and internet privacy issues pretty seriously. But I guess this will be the first time I state that for over a year I haven’t used Google for internet search. I use DuckDuckGo, who’s been around a long time, and makes it a point not just to not track you but help you understand who is tracking you and how they’re doing it.
In the year I’ve used DuckDuckGo, I haven’t noticed a decrease in my capability to internet search. It’s widely acknowledged Google has the most proficient search algorithms in the business, but what do I care? I’m not searching for details of obscure string theory research by some mad scientist in Belarus. DuckDuckGo finds what I need like 99% of the time. When they fail, I don’t go to Google, I try Bing next.
Now DuckDuckGo is making their tracking data more public, so you can see who are the real big time data offenders. No points for guessing who the two worst assholes are:
You might be surprised to see Adobe on this list, but remember they own/operated Adobe Flash Player and have been in the imbed business a long time. This graphic confirms what many in the privacy business are coming to realize, an established consensus, that anything Google touches, to include Android, essentially functions as spyware.
Enjoy your day!
more evidence of the future downfall of all humanity
This morning while driving I watched a teenager, probably about 13, get out of his mother’s car to board his school bus. For you see, he was waiting in the warm car until the bus got there, instead of just standing at the curb. It was 43 degrees out. My younger brothers and I were walking to the bus stop, alone, in subzero weather before I was ten.
We’re all doomed.
The Arcturus Project 