Uncle Xi promises “credible, loveable and respectable” future & “bears and fluffy bunnies”

In a three hour and 34 minute huggable tirade, fueled by esoteric party speak mixed with Xi Thought, Xi Jinping, Ordinary Average Chinese Citizen, Football Lover, Journeyman Bridge Player, & Secret The Walking Dead Aficionado appeared to chart a new path in China’s diplomatic demeanor, according to various news services. Xi promised a “credible, loveable and respectable China.”

Xi’s comments perhaps herald a change in China’s diplomatic verbiage which in the past few years has increasingly focused upon a so called “Wolf Warrior” style of interaction with the world. A current example being China’s ambassador to Britain, Liu Xiaoming, calmly, and professionally admonishing critics of China’s handling of covid-19 by promising to “slit the throats of the haters in their sleep; then we steal their family heirloom silverware.”

Xi’s comments might perplex the practitioners of the Wolf Warrior style. Said another anonymous Chinese official, “Look, Wolf Warrior might be a B grade action movie for teenage boys who can’t get a hard-on (Editor’s Note: And will struggle to find a Chinese bride due to gender ratios), but so was Delta Force. In my mind Reagan was always dual wielding a pair of Uzi’s as he defeated the Soviet Union. What we’ve always prayed for is Xi dual wielding a pair of Type 82 machine pistols and tearing through Hong Kong’s financial district like Chuck Norris does in Beirut. After all, Chairman Xi never sleeps, he waits. I truly hope our beloved Chairman isn’t depriving us of this right, this blessed dream.”

Xi also vowed in his speech to make available to the world’s population more “bears and fluffy bunnies”. Zoo enthusiasts were delighted, hoping this meant that additional Chinese pandas would be made available worldwide where they are the darlings of children at any zoo and top billing for any live streaming webcam.

Pundits however contended that Xi might have meant “bears” as in everybody’s favorite lovable honey thieving scamp, Winnie the Pooh. Many wondered if Xi would make an attempt to nationalize his namesake for an internal audience. Children’s movie critics everywhere were fearful of the impacts of Disney’s upcoming 2021 film, Winnie the Pooh: The New Musical Adaptation.

“Let’s face it,” said one children’s book author, “China hasn’t really been a fan of intellectual property anyways, so they’ll take what they want, and Disney won’t complain because they essentially work for China. Hell, Disney will probably even apologize to Xi for having had to make him illegally appropriate Winnie in the first place. They’ll pay him back royalties or something.”

words do in fact matter

A common theme on this degenerate blog for the past four years has been not what Trump does, but what covering Trump has done to the media. Trump has always had a clock running, and now it expires in two weeks. But those who cover him will still be here. And Trump has driven them insane. They’ve mortgaged their credibility to get one man, one guy, who’s soon to be gone.

The last few days the word “coup” has appeared in just about every publication I read. The idea is that Trump will attempt a coup in the next two weeks to stay in office. Do these folks really understand what they’re writing? Words do in fact matter.

According to my bookcase dictionary, a coup is:

“a sudden, violent, and illegal seizure of power from a government”

Note the word: violent.

So when somebody writes coup, to me that means they think Trump is going to put the 82nd Airborne Division on the DC streets within the next two weeks and have them shoot people in the face. Really? Do they really, actually believe that? Because if they do, they’re literally bat shit crazy, insane.

Or, they’re using an explosive, irresponsible word to describe the back and forth of politics in our current toxic political climate. A political climate that isn’t going to get any better just because Biden drops his suitcase onto the White House bedroom floor.

They even got a bunch of former Defense Secretaries (most of whom are total losers) to sign a letter asking Trump not to do this “coup” thing. Do all these former Defense Secretaries think so little of the armed forces that they once led, that America’s armed forces are idiotic automatons who will do whatever Trump says without regard to their oath and honor? I guess the answer is yes. I guess?

Gee wiz, I wonder what’s going to happen to all these people when Trump’s gone and they have to live in the real world again. And not a world where they have a crayon drawing of Trump on the bathroom wall where he has devil horns they drew. I think they’ll have like a withdrawal, like they’re coming off some drug. Getting hooked on meth would have been wiser the last four years.

post election musings

– Apparently the highest percentage of the population in over a century voted in this election.  Still, it’ll likely come down to what 8K people in one State say.  Because the Electoral College is like having three of the 10,432 houses within 1 mile of yours get to decide where your dog can go to the bathroom.

– I never thought the Founding Fathers were infallible, despite knowing they built the best concrete to stand a nation atop ever.  However, the Electoral College and lifetime appointments for Supreme Court are among the more glaring dummy errors.  Anybody having a lifetime appointment to any government position is antidemocratic and has never really fulfilled the original purpose of keeping justices impartial.  The Electoral College was built for the days when only like 13% of the population was even eligible to vote.

– Good luck fixing either of these two obvious problems.  Changing the Constitution in today’s political environment?  Essentially, truly, impossible.  Anybody who says otherwise is promoting a pipe dream and needs to move to Oregon (see below).  You might as well fire a handgun into the ocean hoping to, “Take revenge upon all Fish for the crimes they’ve committed against humanity for the last 5K years.”

– The rest of Earth can still kiss my ass.  Oh, the Electoral College is dumb and America should fix it?  Kiss my ass.  Let anybody try and explain to you how Proportional Representation works in Parliamentary Democracies.  You’ll need a lot of beer, and the ability to laugh and mock at will.  Trust me.

– Think what you will about Trump, but the Democrats have only themselves to thank that he even exists.  They spent the last two elections putting up a pair of total losers who’d been in politics for the last 47 years and had zero real policies to offer.  When your only selling point to the voting populace is, “At least I’m not that guy”, then don’t be surprised when you can’t hook the average voter.

– Because of the above, and because the Senate and House remain divided, even if Biden wins expect him to accomplish absolutely nothing of actual value in the next four years.  Remember, America has a politics problem that goes well beyond what folks do or do not think about Trump.  These problems aren’t going to get solved, I’m so very sorry.

– People can now get fucked up on hard drugs in Oregon now.  Good for them.  I wish this rule applied everywhere.  Unfortunately we’ll still have to let America’s streets get torn up by a century of failed drug war policy before it’s all legalized in 2084.

– The tech freaks got their wish and California (the greatest bastion of hypocritical false values on Earth) voted to let the likes of Uber, Lyft, etc continue to treat their employees as non-union indentured slave labor.  Because nothing say big tech cares about you and the human race like dropping a cool $200M+ on lobbying cash to let a Paraguayan immigrant earn $3 an hour ferrying drunken tech bros back from their post IPO launch at the Ritz.

– Do you know who won your mayoral election (if applicable)?  Or even who your mayor is?  You should, they have 741% more influence on your life than the Prez does.

– Bad news, the TAP’s national ballot initiative to “Liquidate All Humanity, Cable News Employees/Networks, Flower Greenhouses, & Strip Mall Properties to the Sub-Atomic Level” was rejected in 49 States before even getting on the ballot.  It was then defeated by a 98% to 1% to 1% margin in Rhone Island where the remaining 1% was nothing but people writing, “What the hell is this nonsense?  Who the hell wrote this crazy, stupid shit?”

allying with the reaper

On a date a few months ago, I had a gal state to me in the first five minutes of meeting that she hoped Trump would die of covid.  That she was actively, hopefully waiting for it.  She said this while giggling and smiling, like she was describing her new kitty cat to me.  I’m sure she woke up this morning feeling a great big hug, it probably made her month.

To hear the way she said it back then, alongside the brazen, bare knuckled, hate filled way she described how she was going to help Biden win so she could become a political appointee, well, it kind of disgusted me.  I felt like I was talking to a ghoul, surely this kind of dark human soul only exists in fiction, it was so over the top.  Needless to say, I never saw her again by my choice.  But I always try and be a gentlemen about these things, and so these words did not exit my mouth on the way out the door:

a) “Love your neighbor.”

b) “By acting this way, there’s essentially no difference between you and Trump.”

c) “I don’t know how you sleep at night.”

To 83% of the media and pop culture and their followers, Trump is an evil man.  Not just a bad president, but a bad human.  And so I suppose it’s perfectly normal to a whole bunch of people to actively wish for his demise.  Kind of like how everybody would have been cool if somebody dragged a razor across Hitler’s throat in 1937.  But I just don’t agree with this kind of thought process.

1) Loving and respecting your neighbor is a hallmark of living a moral life, and generally speaking, helps you stay a good person.  Which should be a constant goal for any human being.

2) I thought the whole point of Trump being a bad guy is his actions are generally beyond the pale.  Well, to me, actively wishing for a fellow human being to die (except for Hitler, and probably Stalin, and Mao) is beyond the pale.

3) Most of the people preaching this thought process on social media, or the media, or to their friends, or to a guy they met eight seconds ago are like this because they are in fact no better than Trump.  They are in fact, just cut from the same cloth as every other hard core politico and their cultural straphangers all across society.  They act like this because generally speaking, they have no morals.  It’s not about society, or you, it’s about them and the power they want.  When all they care about is power, and they’re bereft of any kind of moral compass, allying with the reaper is a meaningless, routine gesture.

I think nearly every single family member I have wants Trump gone.  I always try and remind them to temper their expectations.  Whatever happens in November, by January America will still be ruled mostly by dirt bags who care only for themselves.  It’s just shuffling the chairs with a different type of parasite.  It’s been a complete team effort by both political parties to guide America into our current sewer.  But, no matter how much I hate those folks, I’m never allying myself with the reaper.

Vlad the Untouchable

Alexei Navalny will hopefully live.  And even more hopefully not have permanent damage to his body.  But who know what rabid poison they flushed into him.

I may not have always seen eye-to-eye with some of Navalny’s ideas, but you can’t argue the courage of a guy who’s gone face-to-face with one of the world’s most dangerous men for years.

Let’s face it, Putin is untouchable.  Vlad could stroll into a senior citizen’s bingo hall wearing a $10K custom made three piece suit, dual-wielding a pair of Yugoslavian machine pistols, shoot everybody in the room, and still get away with it.

So if you’re the doctors in Omsk, how awkward is this for you?  Do you save the guy’s life?  Of course.  Do you now have to look over your shoulder for as long as you or Vlad lives?  You bet.

On a separate note, execution methodology says a lot about how cultures work in today’s modern society.  For example:

Russia – poison in public without trial

North Korea – antiaircraft gun in public with show trial

China – needle or gunshot in secret with or without trial

Saudi Arabia – beheading in public with trial

USA – needle with trial, seconds after Supreme Court refuses to intervene

Iran – hanging in secret, with or without trail

Russian President Putin listens to his Kyrgyz counterpart Atambayev during their meeting  in St. Petersburg

“Welcome my friend, welcome, please sit.  Some tea?”

“Uh no, no Vlad, I’m good.  Ah, thanks though, bro.  Appreciate the offer.”

[Vlad smirks, knows you’re drinking the tea one way or another]

Hong Kong’s fragile democracy was daggered today

If you want to get a good idea of just how viciously evil Chairman Xi is (and with what callousness he views hundreds-of-thousands of virus deaths) you need look no further than what’s been done to Hong Kong these last few months.

To Xi and the Communist Party a global catastrophe they caused is the chance to crush any remaining freedoms in Hong Kong for good.  Effective today Beijing basically just said they can rule by decree and override Hong Kong’s neutered legislature.

That’s it folks, there’s nothing left.  The executive, the business community, and certainly the police are already apparatchiks, without elected legislators who matter it’s over.  There’s nothing stopping Beijing from criminalizing anything that displeases them.

Kindly observe how the planet does not care.  America is lead by a guy who clearly doesn’t believe in universal human rights.  Britain only wants a trade deal from China.  The EU is so dysfunctional it couldn’t change the battery on a wall clock.

A lot of folks have made the case since 1989 that China was somehow a safer global power than the Soviet Union ever was because China wasn’t actively trying to export their system of governance to the world.  I disagreed then, I disagree now.

Xi and the Communist Party have a very clear idea of how they believe the entire human race should live.  Anybody who thinks they’re going to stop at Hong Kong is a fool.  If I was Taiwanese, I’d be terrified.

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Circa 2022, they’ll do the same thing to this guy, only at 1am and inside his home

competence is the only power over the virus

It would seem virus battle tactics are the new arena of politics.  In an era where everything must be political, soon your tooth brushing method will determine how you vote.

In the meantime, the debate has centered on whether to reopen the economy and risk increased death.  Or to keep the economy closed and risk financial death.  Both these options suck.

But there’s a third way that folks seem to mostly ignore which is what I find baffling.  China’s Communist Party’s talking point is only their all powerful neck stopping model can defeat the virus.  They’re lying, started this to begin with, and are downplaying their own virus infection/death statistics.

The answer lies in South Korea, Taiwan, Australia, New Zealand, and to a lesser extent Germany.  This is the competent category.

Into the incompetent category you can shove the US, Italy, France, Spain, Britain, and of course Communist China.  The answer to this virus is simply that government should do its job.  Instead of sucking.

Sure, there are significant privacy, social, cultural, and obedience factors that likely make introducing a South Korean virus battle methodology into the US problematic, but does that mean it shouldn’t be seriously discussed?  Instead of, you know, just keeping to the same failed talking points both sides have adopted?  The virus doesn’t care who folks voted for.  South Korea never even executed a full lockdown.

I think in the coming decades this will become a more glaring aspect of our planet.  Sure, the differences between democracy and oligarchy are stark.  But what will really set apart nations is simply those that are governed competently, and those that are not.  It will be readily apparent say by 2035, and the split begins now.

with master plan failed, Perez contemplates retirement

Dejected, with his face clasped between his hands, Democratic National Committee chair Tom Perez was said by close aids to be ready to retire.  “I don’t know what happened, we were so close,” said the longtime operative, “I mean, I know it was a long shot putting an eight year old boy up front, but even when he washed out I was sure Bernie could ram his way through.  I mean, Bernie’s psychotic followers probably think he has his own Moon base, their rage should have been enough.  What the hell happened,” Perez lamented as his stroked his prized MAGA hat.  Aides continued to marvel at the failure of Perez’s finely tuned master plan, so expertly crafted.  Said 23 year old intern Michelle Anderson of Soho, “Tom put up 47 candidates, half of them lunatics, the other half as bland or boring as paint that dried in 1734.  They should have cancelled each other out, destroyed one another in an orgy of enraged partisan violence.  We should have erased the field, our nominee should have been a mouth foaming zombie.  How did Joe do this to us?”

Insiders described the DNC headquarters as a “dank tomb” as the Super Tuesday results posted with Biden’s shocking rebound following a series of recent gaffe’s that made a final stage Alzheimer’s patient seem lucid.  “Tom just couldn’t take it,” said one DNC pollster, “he retreated into his office, tears in his eyes.  He just kept sobbing and clutching his MAGA hat like it was a service dog puppy.”  With voters seemingly on path to discard the 46 unelectable fodder from the field, analysts within the DNC are now said to turn their attention onto Biden’s many flaws as their next move to keep Trump great again.  “Tom has a list in his office,” said one, “of the 784 different things Joe’s done in the last three decades which in this Twitter era should make him completely unelectable.  It’s kind of creepy, it’s like something a serial killer would have on his basement wall.”

But some DNC workers are said to deeply question Perez’s methodology and were urging him to follow through on his retirement plans.  “Tom doesn’t get it, Joe’s the kind of candidate that almost anybody would be cool having a beer with.  Even if Joe started to wander off and talk about how he once broke Gandhi out of jail while dual-wielding a pair of Yugoslavian machine pistols, you’d still enjoy the drink.  I don’t know how we get Trump to win given that level of likability.”  At press time, Perez was said to be cold calling Belarusian dictator Alexander Lukashenko demanding he come clean about Biden’s motorcycle gang days in a Minsk slum.  An irate Lukashenko was said to have repeatedly stated, his voice rising to Perez, “You dumb fucker, this is Belarus, Belarus, do you hear me?  I don’t live in Ukraine or Delaware.  Did you even bother to look at Biden’s jacket colors?”

sad tom perez

sad turtle face

ordinary average gentlemen descends from Honey Tower to greet infected filthy masses

When he’s not writing more esoteric, baffling Xi Thought, or establishing a mini-apartheid state, or eating barrels full of honey straight from the hive, Chairman Xi must have a busy life. So it’s pretty cool of him to descend from his famous and luscious Honey Tower to confer with a few people from the degenerate masses [who were prescreened for both disease and political affiliation and had their families held hostage at knifepoint until the cameras left].

Hey, it’s already been over a month since people started dying, but in all honesty you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near these people either. Viruses are bad things, and dictators need to avoid bad things, in order to do bad things to other people. Like locking up doctors who try to stop a bad virus from happening, that’s a bad thing.

But Xi has adopted Putin’s tactic of being a Tsar/Chairman. The sins of the Empire are the fault of local officials, only. If only Xi knew what was going on, surely HE would have put a stop to it. Only through HIS benevolence is government waste and corruption even held in check. Hell, without Xi, coronavirus would be in your kitchen right now, eating your food and beating your family with a cricket bat.

So here’s to you Chairman! [breaks full bottle of baijiu over dirty peasant’s head; alcohol gets in eyes, which the face mask is completely ineffective at protecting; peasant screams in agony; fawning sycophants clap in rhythm]

Xi with mask