miserable people with nothing better to do continue assault on human joy

When I was a kid, I so looked forward to the circus that I crossed off the days on a calendar.  The only other time in my life I can remember doing this was marking the days until my first job ended (even all these years later that boss remains the worst I’ve ever had).  So it’s safe to say I enjoyed the circus.

Well, that was fun.  No more.  Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus has caved to PETA and other do-gooders and is taking away the elephants.  So kids will no longer experience that joy.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-31740032

By the way, PETA runs some of the most prolific animal kill shelters on the planet.  So I’m rather at a loss to understand why it’s humane for PETA to kill dogs and cats, but Ringling Brothers using elephants is beyond the pale.  I guess, like most do-gooders, the rules that PETA applies to others, do not apply to them.

I’m also pretty sure a circus elephant probably lives like four times as long while performing as they do in the wild.  So is it correct to state that PETA wants elephants to die younger?  I think it is!  Thanks PETA, when Dumbo’s bleaching in the sun I hope he curses you to the elephant god (Ganesha) before the poor animal departs for Valhalla to begin a second life as an armored mounted war elephant.

This is of course, just the beginning.  You don’t think folks like PETA are just going to stop, do you?  There’s another kid somewhere in America that’s happy, that has to stop.  Happiness is a bad thing for PETA, it takes away their raison d’etre.

I’m calling it right now.  By 2090, all zoos will be illegal.  But by 2089, human joy will have extinguished.  So it won’t matter.

peta

Soon, PETA promises to make all human existence just as miserable as their pathetic wasted lives

 

 

No, winter is not yet coming

The Forest

Took this one, beginning of winter, back in 2005.  We’re not there yet, but soon all the leaves will be off.  Today felt like the first real cold day of the year.  Up north, it snowed this morning.  The first idiot Christmas ads hit television today.  But it’s still Fall.  Enjoy it.

Exterminate all chimpanzees! And other wise ideas.

In a shocking revelation shocking only to those not in touch with reality it turns out that chimpanzees are not in fact peaceful-pot-smoking-hippy-like-creatures. When did this happen? I thought they were completely civilized and reasonable, like us.

http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-29237276

So apparently (very little surprises me anymore) there were real live people who actually believed that chimps only killed each other because of human interference. As in, that if humans weren’t around, chimps wouldn’t kill each other. So they had to commission a study to prove this idea wrong.

That’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And I live with a bunch of fringe lunatics. Speaking of which, what kind of fringe lunatic did you have to be to declare that chimps only murder because humans are around? Why do we always have to blame humanity for everything that’s wrong in the universe?

I mean, I know I do, but seriously, it’s not always our fault. We’re not responsible if a star a thousand light-years away somehow accidentally blows up. We’re not responsible if my guests hijack a nuclear submarine and use it to start World War III so they can “thin the herd”. Whatever you believe about life, it makes perfect sense that chimps kill each other like dirty animals in the same fashion as we do.

Still, I don’t know about you but this study worries me quite a bit. It appears the chimps are rather capable. They conduct complex combat patrols. They gang up on their neighbors to acquire resources and territory. It’s only a matter of time before they’re wielding firearms and building turbine powered fixed-wing aircraft.

We need to get ahead of this problem. It’s time to do what humans do best, exterminate something. We need to take out the chimps before they get us. It’s only natural. It’s in our blood. If the chimps were us, they’d do it too.

So grab your weapon of choice, book a ticket, and meet me inside N’Djili International Airport at midnight on the 1st of October. We’re headed into the jungle for a daring first strike mission. My guests will accompany us on our Glorious Venture! And they’ll bring their toys. So you know we’ll win. Let’s show those primates how you do murder right!

chimpanzee

Pan troglodytes, nature’s second deadliest killing machine