Our primal instincts compel us to respond to offensive behavior by hitting somebody in the head with a rock until the goo comes out. But there are laws against that. Plus, we’re apparently supposed to be decent people. Even though none of us are good at this.

When I get cut off I want to ram the car. When a jerk does a legal but dick move in an online game I desire to overturn the virtual board.

Whether you worship Jesus or Buddha or nothing or Ixchel you are obliged to behave and to spread the light. But this gets difficult at times.

So to get a much needed pep talk we called Jesus at his castle in Hawaii.

The Arcturus Project: What up, bro?

Jesus: How’s it going man? They fix that door yet?

TAP: No, they’re so lazy. All they do is eat, drink, and yell a lot. I’m thinking of kicking them out again.

JC: [chuckles] Good luck with that.

TAP: Anyways, so how do you do it, when you want to ram the car? How do you be the better person?

JC: I don’t. I ram the car.

TAP: Ah, wait, what …

JC: I crush that sucker right into the jersey wall until flesh meets concrete.

TAP: …

JC: …

TAP: Really?

JC: No idiot. Of course not.

TAP: Oh.

JC: Wake up. Be the better person.

TAP: That is hard.

JC: No, cancer or ebola’s hard. Man up. Do the right thing.

TAP: Uh, okay.

JC: Okay then.

TAP: …

JC: Anything else?

TAP: Who do you like in tomorrow’s game?

JC: The Colts are a lock.

TAP: Do you ever put money on a game?

JC: Vegas has me on a blacklist.

TAP: Oh.

JC: Yeeaahh.