Absurdity of the Week! March Madness Brackets!

Why does everybody fill out a bracket; when most of them don’t actually watch college basketball?

Hey, let’s face it, there’s nothing else going on within our little floating boat space rock right now.

So like, bad guys are killing people in Tunis, because that’s what the evil guys do, although this happens so often now it’s seemingly lost all meaning. I get the feeling Israel’s just knowingly or unknowingly voted for a Jewish apartheid state, but hey, if I was staring down the barrel of an Iranian nuke, I’d probably vote for Bibi too.

But none of this is as important as March Madness. Am I right? Am I right, folks? [cricket, cricket, cricket]

Don’t get me wrong, I love sports, I just don’t have enough time in the day to get to them. Except for sweet, sweet football, that I always have too much time for. http://hungryhippocampus.com/2015/03/10/free-agency-your-meal-ticket-to-irrelevance/ [klaxon sounds, shameless plug, klaxon sounds, shameless plug]

But I don’t follow college basketball and so I’m not filling out a bracket. But you know who is:

Everybody else!


Almost none of these cats watch sports. But it’s so popular that my human resources goons felt compelled to send out a mass e-mail warning folks that putting real money down on the bracket was a crime and/or violation of workplace policy.

Why does everybody do it when most don’t watch?

Is it because everybody else is doing it? Yes!


Is it because humans are so competitive at our genetic level we’ll treat any mass competition as must do participation? Yes!

Think of it this way, when you were a damn drunk teenager, did you all play the candle game? As in, a lit candle and you have to put your finger into the flame to see if it burns. Spoiler alert, a live flame will burn you.

But I bet you did it anyways. Whhhyyy?! Because everybody else did it, and you didn’t want to be that one dude who didn’t and/or appear like a total wimp.

Plus, the statistics on these brackets say you’re just as equally likely to win as:

a) a ESPN sports guy who does this for a living

b) an elf hopped up on meth

c) Godzilla (with suggestions offered by Satan)

d) Pele

e) that jerk in the cubicle three squares down

Even somebody who doesn’t follow college basketball can win it all, it’s easy and random. I should know, I won one year and senselessly picked everybody. I beat guys who watch hundreds of college basketball games a year. They were so pissed. But I wasn’t, for that cash was mine, I mean, uh, pride, yeah pride. [shifty eyes] [cricket, cricket, cricket]

So because folks actually have a shot, they roll the dice. Even if they think Wichita State is based out of Saskatchewan.

Don’t do it. Rebel! Be a nonconformist weirdo like this unhinged blog author. Put your money towards more useful purposes. Like gambling on who can hold their hand over a flaming candle the longest. Now that game is awesome, so what you do is, you…wait, oh… [throws coffee mug] [unintelligible profanity; unintelligible profanity; unintelligible profanity]


Even if you win; you can’t lose!

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