Almost every problem worth solving is fixed dirty

Hmm, immigration seems like an uncontroversial topic to weigh-in on. Nobody’s got strong feelings at all. So why not? I’ve got nothing better to do as I contemplate a future unconstrained by a political and media elite so unhinged I’d rather acquire a self-proclaimed “madcap-sorcerer” from Siberia and get him to solve this problem.

First off, for those folks who are one sided zealots, please accept this essential law of life: 

Almost every problem worth solving is fixed dirty.

Not one person is going to get everything they want. Nobody does. Life is a bitch. Get over it. Even the most honored, easy causes to get behind are ended poorly.

Think fighting the Nazis and Imperial Japan was a just righteous cause? Indeed. Except if you were a member of the Allied Asiatic Fleet and you got your ass handed to you in just a few months because the West’s political masters weren’t prepared for a world war. And then you were a guest in a slave camp for the remaining three years of the war.

Or what if your grandparents lived in Dresden or Nagasaki? You probably would have a different view of things. Hey I’ve been to Nagasaki kids; it’ll really make you take a step back. And the people in Nagasaki were really, really nice to me and my Gaijin friends. I’m still not sure what to think about that.

But the point I’m trying to make is solving humanity’s problems is a mess. Because we’re a mess. We’re flawed fucked up vicious creatures. So why would our solutions be any different? 

This essential fact of life aboard our floating space rock seems beyond our leaders’ comprehension.

They think they can have it all and then some. That they can win via brute force. That the rules of reality don’t apply to them because they’re just so, damn, smart. Remember kids, these cats truly, truly think Politics is a Game played by smart people. They’re smart. And you’re not. That’s why they rule. And you don’t.

And so Obama’s going to get on the horn tonight and announce he’s decided to go rogue, wave a magic wand, and hope that somehow it all works out. Except that it’s a plan so wrong, so irresponsible that he even said so himself a while back. But whatever, it’s not about what you do, it’s about how it looks to donors.

And so the Republicans are going to get mad, so very mad, in response and promise to defund, repeal, and otherwise cast a lot of votes. Votes that Obama will just veto outright. Thus essentially making these votes pointless acts of narcissism. Less useful than chucking pebbles and crushed beer cans into the Tidal Basin while wasted.

And accordingly the stage is now set for two solid years of nothing being accomplished by anybody anywhere. 

Hey remember that big election thing we just had? Irrelevant. We have to wait two more years to determine whether or not our Republic is bound for the crypt.

Maybe a whole bunch of folks are down with that. That waiting two years is worth it to acquire, increase, decrease, dispense, or otherwise cajole reality in order to gain/lose more power.

Whatever. Two years is a rather long time. And the rest of us have to live in this world while they strategize, plot, and scheme in no-longer-smoked-filled back rooms. And in any case, since approximately 87% of all Senate and House seats are statistically uncontested, it doesn’t really matter.

We are at an impasse. The Founding Fathers deliberately designed an adversarial system based on constant conflict in order to check human flaws. But I guess some of the wisest dudes in human history weren’t smart enough to bank on a future where both sides of the political establishment were so obstinate and reckless that the wheels would literally come off.

It’s enough to make one nostalgic for the likes of Clinton and Gingrich. Both these dudes are lunatics. But at least they, you know, got things done. Now, getting things done is so last century. Compromise, progress, actual results, that weak-ass shit is for real leaders. Not today’s poseurs.

Here’s the most reasonable immigration solution I’ve heard offered. The Economist kicked it out over a year ago. I like their idea because I’m pretty sure every Democrat and Republican operative who read this piece started screaming and throwing things. In my mind, if it pisses off both sides so much, the actual answer’s not that far off:

Read every word. Or don’t. Either way.

Either way, don’t expect anything from tonight, or over the next two years. With today’s bombshell, Obama has cast his vote for two more years of divided, unresponsive, and non-functioning government. Expect the Republicans to respond equally, step for step.

Enjoy the next two years, friends. They’re going to suck.

U.S. President Obama walks between McConnell and Boehner before a health reform legislation meeting in Washington

A less successful trio than those three random dictator dudes who ruled a trio of random nations up to a certain random date in 1945

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