live by the sword, and die by it

All the best battlefield commanders of our generation are in Africa. All the West’s haughty generals and admirals are only good for losing wars for the last 20 years while simultaneously running their hallowed institutions into the ground.

Perhaps the absolute best battlefield commander alive on the planet is Paul Kagame, Dictator & Overlord of Rwanda, Teddy Bear Darling of the International Development Community, If You Like Your Teddy Bear to be Really Stabby, Stranglee, and Shootee.

Another is Idriss Deby of Chad. Deby lasted over three decades and probably woke up every single one of those days wondering who was trying to kill him or who he was trying to kill. Photographs can tell quite the story. Just get a load of this photo, this was not a man you messed with:

Chad’s army on both paper and in photographs looks like a bunch of kook losers.

Don’t be fooled. Chad’s army is one of the most base lethal on the planet and it’s because of Deby and the fact he’s kept them at war for 30 years straight.

Well, now his luck has finally run out. Apparently Deby was killed on the very day of his sixth presidential “election” up in Chad’s north by the 427th round of rebellion against him. The details are very vague and strange and I’m super skeptical here. It just doesn’t make sense. Personally, I think somebody inside his own circle did him in, but I’m just straight guessing. If his battle death was legit, it would be super appropriate and a proper end to Deby’s life if he died on his 1,317th completely meaningless skirmish.

Now all the generals have rallied around Deby’s son, who is in his late 30’s and happens to be a four star general (I wonder why). I don’t know anything about this guy, he could be awesome on the battlefield too. But just look at this photo, I can’t make up my mind:

I can’t decide whether this photo is of a subdued, calm killing machine, or of a little man who will struggle all his life to replace his Father. It’s probably both.

Meanwhile, after three decades of Deby’s rule, Chad remains mostly destitute, with grinding, unspeakable poverty for at least 1/5 to 1/2 of the population. Granted, Chad is on the Sahel, and so not all of this was Deby’s fault. But after three decades in power anything that happens to your country is your fault.

Deby was a brilliant general, but a terrible president. Now, onto the son. It’s positively medieval.

quick boss changes are fun

I’m constantly amazed at how human organizations so easily decide to spike their own success. We do it to ourselves. It’s not like one of those science fiction episodes where the slug in the brain makes people do dumb things. In real life, the alien slugs would take a hard look at us, then set up shop in Bermuda and get wasted while we do their work for them.

My good boss has been in the job for three years. Now he’s leaving, and they’re replacing him within one week. Do you think one week is enough time for a solid turnover between bosses? Well, our executive leadership sure thinks so. Which is another mark against them for why I wouldn’t let them walk my dog for three seconds unsupervised.

The other thing is the new boss has zero experience doing this job. So we got that going for us too. It’ll be a long six months as we drag this poor bastard across the bureaucracy of our asinine cubicle hell work environment. We’re gonna have to hold this guy’s hand every step of the way.

Here are some examples:

1) Boss makes a statement, as fact, when in reality it is fiction because he hasn’t the background

2) Boss makes his escape and attends a meeting without the subject matter expert to keep him honest and unknowingly destroys project

3) Alien slug monster calls boss on phone to verify ineptness continues, when confirmed, slug hangs up phone and orders another martini

4) Boss gets angry and yells at and demeans fellow human being in frustration at inability to comprehend knowledge he does not possess

5) Boss attempts to make up for lack of experience by ingratiating himself with executive leadership, thus removing the blocking powers of prior good boss, and causing all the executive’s bad ideas to become our problem

6) Slug monster sends a false pretentious, patronizing thank you not to new boss with the name of an old friend, slug writes that new boss is the best, smartest person in the world, and needs essentially no advice to excel

7) New boss awkwardly attempts social contact at mandatory (and covid illegal) work greeting event by telling humorous (to him) stories from things he did 17 years ago

8) Boss asks question, we give answer, boss asks same question 11 days later

9) Old good boss asks us how we’re all doing when we run into him in the hallway, extremely awkward and inaccurate comments are uttered and old good boss feels bad

10) Alien slug monster wants to speed up the pace of disaster, tells us that we must give bad advice to the new boss and that if we don’t, slug monster will set off a fusion bomb underneath a city, when we discover that the bomb is in Brussels, we shrug and laugh at them

a different flavor of coup

I feel quite comfortable in saying that if you’re a country’s leader, but guilty of genocide, that it’s not actually a coup if you get yourself overthrown. Aung San Suu Kyi rightly lost her darling status years ago. So she doesn’t merit the coup term if a bunch of folks put her back into house arrest with a bunch of tanks in the driveway. Her own people have suffered much worse, by the millions.

Plus, Burma isn’t a real democracy. Sure, there are now two full sets of elections in the past, but the Army never really gave up full power. The Army always maintained the interior and exterior security ministries, and rigged the game so the legislature was always at least minority controlled by them. So is a really a coup when the Army never actually gave up power? I suppose so, I guess, if you go by the dictionary.

But it doesn’t mean we have to care. Or do anything about it. Swapping Suu Kyi with an Army goon general is just swapping one form of evil from another. They deserve each other. Burma’s people don’t.

post election musings

– Apparently the highest percentage of the population in over a century voted in this election.  Still, it’ll likely come down to what 8K people in one State say.  Because the Electoral College is like having three of the 10,432 houses within 1 mile of yours get to decide where your dog can go to the bathroom.

– I never thought the Founding Fathers were infallible, despite knowing they built the best concrete to stand a nation atop ever.  However, the Electoral College and lifetime appointments for Supreme Court are among the more glaring dummy errors.  Anybody having a lifetime appointment to any government position is antidemocratic and has never really fulfilled the original purpose of keeping justices impartial.  The Electoral College was built for the days when only like 13% of the population was even eligible to vote.

– Good luck fixing either of these two obvious problems.  Changing the Constitution in today’s political environment?  Essentially, truly, impossible.  Anybody who says otherwise is promoting a pipe dream and needs to move to Oregon (see below).  You might as well fire a handgun into the ocean hoping to, “Take revenge upon all Fish for the crimes they’ve committed against humanity for the last 5K years.”

– The rest of Earth can still kiss my ass.  Oh, the Electoral College is dumb and America should fix it?  Kiss my ass.  Let anybody try and explain to you how Proportional Representation works in Parliamentary Democracies.  You’ll need a lot of beer, and the ability to laugh and mock at will.  Trust me.

– Think what you will about Trump, but the Democrats have only themselves to thank that he even exists.  They spent the last two elections putting up a pair of total losers who’d been in politics for the last 47 years and had zero real policies to offer.  When your only selling point to the voting populace is, “At least I’m not that guy”, then don’t be surprised when you can’t hook the average voter.

– Because of the above, and because the Senate and House remain divided, even if Biden wins expect him to accomplish absolutely nothing of actual value in the next four years.  Remember, America has a politics problem that goes well beyond what folks do or do not think about Trump.  These problems aren’t going to get solved, I’m so very sorry.

– People can now get fucked up on hard drugs in Oregon now.  Good for them.  I wish this rule applied everywhere.  Unfortunately we’ll still have to let America’s streets get torn up by a century of failed drug war policy before it’s all legalized in 2084.

– The tech freaks got their wish and California (the greatest bastion of hypocritical false values on Earth) voted to let the likes of Uber, Lyft, etc continue to treat their employees as non-union indentured slave labor.  Because nothing say big tech cares about you and the human race like dropping a cool $200M+ on lobbying cash to let a Paraguayan immigrant earn $3 an hour ferrying drunken tech bros back from their post IPO launch at the Ritz.

– Do you know who won your mayoral election (if applicable)?  Or even who your mayor is?  You should, they have 741% more influence on your life than the Prez does.

– Bad news, the TAP’s national ballot initiative to “Liquidate All Humanity, Cable News Employees/Networks, Flower Greenhouses, & Strip Mall Properties to the Sub-Atomic Level” was rejected in 49 States before even getting on the ballot.  It was then defeated by a 98% to 1% to 1% margin in Rhone Island where the remaining 1% was nothing but people writing, “What the hell is this nonsense?  Who the hell wrote this crazy, stupid shit?”

Vlad the Untouchable

Alexei Navalny will hopefully live.  And even more hopefully not have permanent damage to his body.  But who know what rabid poison they flushed into him.

I may not have always seen eye-to-eye with some of Navalny’s ideas, but you can’t argue the courage of a guy who’s gone face-to-face with one of the world’s most dangerous men for years.

Let’s face it, Putin is untouchable.  Vlad could stroll into a senior citizen’s bingo hall wearing a $10K custom made three piece suit, dual-wielding a pair of Yugoslavian machine pistols, shoot everybody in the room, and still get away with it.

So if you’re the doctors in Omsk, how awkward is this for you?  Do you save the guy’s life?  Of course.  Do you now have to look over your shoulder for as long as you or Vlad lives?  You bet.

On a separate note, execution methodology says a lot about how cultures work in today’s modern society.  For example:

Russia – poison in public without trial

North Korea – antiaircraft gun in public with show trial

China – needle or gunshot in secret with or without trial

Saudi Arabia – beheading in public with trial

USA – needle with trial, seconds after Supreme Court refuses to intervene

Iran – hanging in secret, with or without trail

Russian President Putin listens to his Kyrgyz counterpart Atambayev during their meeting  in St. Petersburg

“Welcome my friend, welcome, please sit.  Some tea?”

“Uh no, no Vlad, I’m good.  Ah, thanks though, bro.  Appreciate the offer.”

[Vlad smirks, knows you’re drinking the tea one way or another]

with master plan failed, Perez contemplates retirement

Dejected, with his face clasped between his hands, Democratic National Committee chair Tom Perez was said by close aids to be ready to retire.  “I don’t know what happened, we were so close,” said the longtime operative, “I mean, I know it was a long shot putting an eight year old boy up front, but even when he washed out I was sure Bernie could ram his way through.  I mean, Bernie’s psychotic followers probably think he has his own Moon base, their rage should have been enough.  What the hell happened,” Perez lamented as his stroked his prized MAGA hat.  Aides continued to marvel at the failure of Perez’s finely tuned master plan, so expertly crafted.  Said 23 year old intern Michelle Anderson of Soho, “Tom put up 47 candidates, half of them lunatics, the other half as bland or boring as paint that dried in 1734.  They should have cancelled each other out, destroyed one another in an orgy of enraged partisan violence.  We should have erased the field, our nominee should have been a mouth foaming zombie.  How did Joe do this to us?”

Insiders described the DNC headquarters as a “dank tomb” as the Super Tuesday results posted with Biden’s shocking rebound following a series of recent gaffe’s that made a final stage Alzheimer’s patient seem lucid.  “Tom just couldn’t take it,” said one DNC pollster, “he retreated into his office, tears in his eyes.  He just kept sobbing and clutching his MAGA hat like it was a service dog puppy.”  With voters seemingly on path to discard the 46 unelectable fodder from the field, analysts within the DNC are now said to turn their attention onto Biden’s many flaws as their next move to keep Trump great again.  “Tom has a list in his office,” said one, “of the 784 different things Joe’s done in the last three decades which in this Twitter era should make him completely unelectable.  It’s kind of creepy, it’s like something a serial killer would have on his basement wall.”

But some DNC workers are said to deeply question Perez’s methodology and were urging him to follow through on his retirement plans.  “Tom doesn’t get it, Joe’s the kind of candidate that almost anybody would be cool having a beer with.  Even if Joe started to wander off and talk about how he once broke Gandhi out of jail while dual-wielding a pair of Yugoslavian machine pistols, you’d still enjoy the drink.  I don’t know how we get Trump to win given that level of likability.”  At press time, Perez was said to be cold calling Belarusian dictator Alexander Lukashenko demanding he come clean about Biden’s motorcycle gang days in a Minsk slum.  An irate Lukashenko was said to have repeatedly stated, his voice rising to Perez, “You dumb fucker, this is Belarus, Belarus, do you hear me?  I don’t live in Ukraine or Delaware.  Did you even bother to look at Biden’s jacket colors?”

sad tom perez

sad turtle face

ordinary average gentlemen descends from Honey Tower to greet infected filthy masses

When he’s not writing more esoteric, baffling Xi Thought, or establishing a mini-apartheid state, or eating barrels full of honey straight from the hive, Chairman Xi must have a busy life. So it’s pretty cool of him to descend from his famous and luscious Honey Tower to confer with a few people from the degenerate masses [who were prescreened for both disease and political affiliation and had their families held hostage at knifepoint until the cameras left].

Hey, it’s already been over a month since people started dying, but in all honesty you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near these people either. Viruses are bad things, and dictators need to avoid bad things, in order to do bad things to other people. Like locking up doctors who try to stop a bad virus from happening, that’s a bad thing.

But Xi has adopted Putin’s tactic of being a Tsar/Chairman. The sins of the Empire are the fault of local officials, only. If only Xi knew what was going on, surely HE would have put a stop to it. Only through HIS benevolence is government waste and corruption even held in check. Hell, without Xi, coronavirus would be in your kitchen right now, eating your food and beating your family with a cricket bat.

So here’s to you Chairman! [breaks full bottle of baijiu over dirty peasant’s head; alcohol gets in eyes, which the face mask is completely ineffective at protecting; peasant screams in agony; fawning sycophants clap in rhythm]

Xi with mask

Democrats fall into Trump’s trap

The headlines are about Ukraine, but make no mistake this is about the election and nothing more.  And the Democrats just fell into Trump’s trap.  Whether Trump did this on purpose or by accident (I have no idea) it is nevertheless reality.

Pelosi is now about to launch an impeachment hearing, which is the easiest way for the Democrats to permanently alienate 49% percent of the electorate for over a decade in one fell swoop.

What makes this worse is impeachment is a hopeless gesture.  The Economist did an article back in August that shows how with a divided Congress, a President (any President, of either party) can basically do whatever they want:

“The unwritten convention now says in effect that, if his skin is thick enough, a president is indeed above the law.”

So impeachment might help Democrats feel better, or feed partisan rage, but it will not help them win in 2020.  It accomplishes nothing of actual value.

Additionally, now the words Biden (the only actual serious Trump challenger) and Ukraine will go together throughout the campaign just like the word Hilary and e-mail did.  Do folks remember this, how much this helped Trump?  Apparently the Democrats forgot.  I guess?

Long time readers of this blog will be familiar with my utter contempt for both political parties and this shows why.  The Democrats are not Trump, but they sure never show they’re any wiser, or worthy of power themselves.  Here is a perfect example of why.