Down with vaccines!

Do you refuse to vaccinate your flesh and blood child? Good news! My Guests are here to help. Please follow these very well thought out instructions in order to succeed while informing the universe of how wise and enlightened you are.

1) Sign our contract where you will specify which vaccines you’ll defer and provide a reason as to why. Don’t think too hard about the reason, because it’s ultimately irrelevant, whatever it is.

2) Have a seat in one of our finest chairs. Get comfortable.

3) My Guests will review your signed contract and note which vaccines you’ve decided to deny your child.

4) My Guests will teleport to Valhalla and bring back to Earth several parents of children who died in the year 1764 from the diseases you have decided to not vaccinate your child against.

5) My Guests will allow those 1764 parents to beat you with plastic bats for one minute.

6) Upon conclusion, you will be offered the opportunity to tear up the contract and vaccinate your children.

7) If you refuse, steps 3 through 5 are repeated.

So it used to be in the course of human history that technology and progress enhanced our culture and health. But now, we’re apparently so modern and advanced that our culture has determined that technology and science are irrelevant compared to feelings.

In other words, we’ve now earned the cultural right to be stupid. And blatant idiocy is worn as a badge of honor by morons.

I’ll make all these self-righteous parents a deal. If their children get sick and it is determined the disease was something they did not vaccinate their kid against, then we should get to deliberately infect them with a disease.

As in, if a kid gets measles, and we find out the parents did not vaccinate their child against measles, then we get to deliberately infect both the parents with tuberculosis.

2005 RED  4 Color Broc

Maybe we need to get medieval again in order to battle modern stupidity? If cloth diapers and no vaccines are cool again, why not bring back brutal beatings to correct incorrect behavior?

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