Military dictatorship = awesome vacation

When I think of good times, it generally involves a lot of guns, public beatings, political arrests, suppression of free speech, and a whole lot of other asshole related behavior. All of this stuff is way better than freedom, democracy, good booze, and pristine beaches.

Oh wait, never mind. That’s my guests’ view of things. And apparently the Thai dictatorship too! Bah, those goofy thugs! They’ve got such a big problem with tourism since they’ve put tanks on the street. Gee, who would have thought that would be a problem?

Now they’re trying to get tourists back by claiming martial law is good because it guarantees safety. No, seriously, they’re serious. Said Dictator & Overlord of the Thai People representative Thawatchai Arunyik: “The TAT is preparing a campaign called ’24 Hours Enjoy Thailand’ to attract foreign tourists to visit Thailand under martial law.”

So I guess vacations are now a time where you are completely safe, 24 hours a day. That is, until a secret police goon caves your face in with a bat because you insulted the Thai monarchy by logging onto Facebook. Why are police state folks so comically stupid? Does it just come with the job?

Like if Steve Wilson, married, father of three, of Denver, Colorado became Overlord & Dictator of Denver overnight. Would he magically transform in his sleep, wake up, put on a creepy black jumpsuit, and then go around the city handing out candy to children from his gingerbread car? All the while he whispers to his guys about who’s got to die before midnight. But at the same time he’d politely ask the Denver Broncos to play football in the streets to “keep the people’s spirits up.” Or else.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, then it also apparently melts your fucking brain. I guess this is why towards the end Hitler was ordering around divisions that no longer existed. And all those rumors about how Stalin kept looking under his bed for Joseph Stalin. Or how Robert Mugabe accused a local lizard of an assassination attempt and had him “dealt with”. And Xi Jinping condemning a nine year old girl to a labor camp for “running-dog-imperialist-crimes-against-the-people’s-socialist-state” because she likes to watch cartoons involving talking umbrellas.

You know I just make take the Thai overlords up on their offer. Then when I’m robbed at knife point on a dark Bangkok street at 3am? I can sue them for flagrant false advertising on their tourist brochure. I’m sure they’ll pay up. These dudes seem like they’re men of their word. And are totally dedicated to excellent customer service.


Can we get you another drink, Sir?

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