Tag Archives: News

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Why did this take so long?

It’s usually just not that hard to know who will win.  Folks get paid billions to inform leaders what’s “really going on”.  I find this humorous when a five year old could call this game.

So Bashar al-Assad, Dictator & Murderer, Former Medical Professional, and Child of Satan has been in the human life extinguishment business for over three years.  He’s able to do so for a variety of reasons.  To keep this post relatively brief, let’s just go ahead and acknowledge one key advantage while ignoring the rest for a moment:

Assad has all the tools of modern combined arms warfare at his disposal.  His enemies do not.

Armored vehicles, jets, and heavy artillery are machines that make Death happy.  Assad’s had them in play almost from the beginning.  At first, the rebels had the initiative because it took time for the Syrian Army to learn how to use these weapons in a coherent and skilled manner.  They’ve figured it out.

And they’ve also come up with some really neat inspiring methods.  All hail the dark ability of mankind’s children to butcher each other in the most unique ways.  Who would have thought that a 55 gallon drum would be one of the world’s most effective urban warfare munitions?  Well, enjoy it, because I’m sure we’ve not seen the last of that tool, in Syria or elsewhere.

Honestly, I’m shocked the rebels have lasted this long.  I think the only thing going for them is Assad, even with Hezbollah reinforcements, just simply does not have the manpower to take this to the end stage.

All the while the Western world and a few Gulf States have claimed to support the rebels with the things they need to win, or at least survive.  The problem is that nothing they’ve been given thus far is a game changer when you compare it to the weapons handled by Assad.

Assad is given new vehicles by Russia.  Qatar hands out body armor.  Syria gets replacement parts for its attack aircraft.  The United States delivers combat rations.  No chances to guess who wins this one.

Oh, but wait, things are changing?  Maybe?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/middle_east/syrian-rebels-who-received-first-us-missiles-of-war-see-shipment-as-an-important-first-step/2014/04/27/61ec84d8-0f53-4c9f-bf0a-c3395819c540_story.html

Guess what kids, this isn’t going to change anything.  Nothing.  This is just enough to make stupid people think the Western world is doing something to help, when they aren’t.  It’s the illusion of support.

Here’s a short battlefield tutorial for those who think Call of Duty is an accurate representation of modern war.  It does not matter how many man-portable anti-tank missile systems you have when:

1) Your enemy clearly has more armored vehicles than you have missiles

2) Your enemy can still call in the necessary air & artillery strikes on all your positions; before they let their vehicles get into your anti-tank missile’s range

3) Your enemy, when required, can still switch tactics and send in the light infantry (Hezbollah) ahead of the tanks to slay your anti-tank missile teams before the armor is brought up

Thus, despite what the Washington Post says, this changes nothing.  It’s just noise.  Sure, some Syrian armor is going to get caught, but it’s not enough.  The Syrian rebels have had variations of accurate and powerful Russian made anti-tank weapons they’ve stolen from the army for years.  It’s never changed the course of the war.

But let’s just say for a second this matters, it still begs the question:

Why did this take so long?

So apparently the West doesn’t give sophisticated weapons to the rebels because of terrorist chain of custody concerns.  Well, what does that have to do with the TOW system?  Why didn’t we hand these out like they were candy two years ago?  A TOW system needs at least three guys to use it right, or a truck to move it around.  They aren’t putting this thing in their checked airplane baggage.  Or sneaking it past some drunken border guard.

They should have handed these out in the thousands two years ago.  They probably have a limitless amount just sitting in NATO warehouses where they’ll run out the clock until they’re demolished at the end of their shelf life.

But the true explanation gets back to what we talked about earlier, both above and in previous posts.  Russia and Iran are in this to win.  The West is not.  War’s over.  Sorry.

The guy in this article, Adwa, says of the delivery “It’s psychological more than physical.”  But then he just about sums it up when he says this:

“The government’s friends were more faithful than our friends,”

They should chisel those words onto the West’s tombstone.  Adwa’s a brave man, but he’s on his own.  And in the end, even if it takes ten years, he’s going to lose.

syriatankrocketus

A textbook study on why tactics are irrelevant when your strategy is complete garbage

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We’ve adopted an anti-human posture

Is it possible to simultaneously hate the entire human race? I have no idea, but I’m sure as hell going to try. Why? Because why not? Everybody else is doing it! It seems to be the in-thing lately? Kind of like if you think Bieber is your man (little girl), it makes you cool. So since everybody else apparently despises humanity, my Arcturan guests & I are going to do the same. Except that for them it’s not a big deal. They abhor everybody. Even all Arcturans. Reckless detestation is kind of their thing.

So on my way into The Hovel of Doom (work cubicle) this morning I got treated to three or four radio shows with people shouting. What were they screaming about? Donald Sterling. Well who the hell is that guy? I guess he owns the Los Angeles Clippers. I heard they’re a basketball team. They play in the NBA. For their fans. In the playoffs. I guess?

So there’s nothing going on today. Ukraine’s quiet, Syria is at peace, Americans have good, well-paying jobs, and so on. But yeah, all’s calm, let’s worry about this NBA owner who’s a racist. I guess?

So I listened to the Sterling tape. You know I have no idea why anybody makes a fuss out of this, or even cares, except to promote an already active agenda. If nothing else, the guy comes off sounding like a comically stupid, racist old guy. Why is this important? Why should anybody care?

I mean, I had my own awful incident, one where my darkest fears were exposed on the front pages. It’s when Neh-Erar released one of our phone calls. He was mad at me for taking away his death ray for three days.

He used it in a drunken boast to threaten one of my dogs. So he got his sidearm put in timeout. But then he wanted me to stop favoring the entire human race as punishment. He said if I didn’t, he’d instruct me on “cellular deconstruction” before Tuesday. But then all he actually did was release the call transcript on the internet. To embarrass me. I guess?

[begin tape]

Me: Dude, if it makes you happy, I will remove all of the humans from my Instagram.

Neh-Erar: You said that before, you said, “I understand.”

Me: I DID remove the people that were independently on my Instagram that are human.

Neh-Erar: Then why did you start saying that you didn’t? You just said that you didn’t remove them. You didn’t remove every—

Me: I didn’t remove Barack Obama and George Bush, but I thought—

Neh-Erar: Why?

Me: I thought Obama & Bush are human too, and they were OK, just like me.

Neh-Erar: OK.

Me: They’re bigger and harder working than me.

Neh-Erar: OK.

Me: I met their friends, they’re nice.

Neh-Erar: You think I’m a racist, and wouldn’t—

Me: I don’t think you’re a racist.

Neh-Erar: Yes you do. Yes you do.

Me: I think you, you—

Neh-Erar: Evil heart. … It’s the world! You go to Earth, the humans are just treated like dogs.

Me: So do you have to treat them like that too?

Neh-Erar: The humans, there’s humans and humans, do you understand?

Me: And are the humans less than the humans?

Neh-Erar: A hundred percent, fifty, a hundred percent.

Me: And is that right?

Neh-Erar: It isn’t a question—we don’t evaluate what’s right and wrong, we live in a society. We live in a culture. We have to live within that culture.

Me: But shouldn’t we take a stand for what’s wrong? And be the change and the difference?

Neh-Erar: I don’t want to change the culture, because I can’t. It’s too big and too…

Me: But you can change yourself.

Neh-Erar: I don’t want to change. If my one human friend can’t do what I want, I don’t want that friend. I’ll find a human that will do what I want! Believe me. I thought you were that human—because I tried to do what you want. But you’re not that human.

…

Me: It’s like saying, “Let’s just persecute and kill all of the humans.”

Neh-Erar: Oh, it’s the same thing, right?

Me: Isn’t it wrong? Wasn’t it wrong then? With the Holocaust? And you’re Arcturan, you’ve committed many Holocausts, but you understand discrimination.

Neh-Erar: You’re a mental case, you’re really a mental case. The Holocaust, we’re comparing with—

Me: Racism! Discrimination.

Neh-Erar: There’s no racism here. If you don’t want to be… walking… into the game of life with a certain… human, is that racism?

[end tape]

When I heard he’d released that tape, I cried like a little girl. In disgust at my behavior, Esh-Ala beat me with a phone book for four hours. But then, in a moment of true human mercy, he wacked Neh-Erar with a pipe for about an hour in revenge for releasing the tape. I guess they really do like me, a little? I guess?

So Sterling is apparently the worst thing since non-sliced bread. But when you stop and really, really analyze this issue? It melts your brain. So let’s take an excruciating voyage my friends![begin painful journey]

So Sterling hates blacks. Except that he’s hated blacks for decades, everybody’s known this, but he owns a team that’s three-quarters black, in a league that’s three-quarter’s black.

But wait, there’s more! All his players who’ve protested the comments that he said to his girlfriend in private have to have known he was a horrible racist before, right? I mean he’s said these things before, everybody’s known what he is? So why protest now when they knew this and still took his money last week?

But wait, there’s more! Since Sterling is both a Jew and an old guy, are the people who claim he’s worse than Hitler actually just spewing hate at him because they hate Jews and old people?  I mean these folks say we’re all racists, that all humans inherently hate all humans for some reason at the genetic level, right?  Maybe they’re just prejudiced against basketball team owners? Or maybe the fact that he’s a white, Jew, human, old guy, have nothing to do with anything? Or maybe when he uses the term black he just means human, because he’s a bizarre, angry old guy?

But wait, there’s more! Michael Jordan wants Sterling out of the NBA. But Jordan is known for his own inflammatory, reckless speech. Jordan once said this of his own teammates, “I hate being out there with those garbage men. They don’t get you the ball.” So I assume by “garbage men”, he meant his black teammates. What would happen if a white owner called his black players “garbage men”? I think Jordan would say he has no place in the NBA. So I’m not trying to say Jordan is a hypocrite, but I guess I’m trying to say that Jordan is a hypocrite.

But wait, there’s more! The NAACP has previously awarded Sterling its lifetime achievement award, and they were going to do so again. But now they’ve decided in light of these comments that they won’t give him his second NAACP award as scheduled? So why was it okay to give him the first award when he hated blacks, but now it’s not okay to give him the second award because he hates blacks? What? I mean, really?

But wait, there’s more! I mean, no, no, that’s it, I can’t take it anymore, I’m done. I need to sit down. Oh, man, wow, … (breathes heavily) … (spits) … Uh, holy, wow.

[end painful journey]

For just one moment, I want you to consider this. What if upon hearing Sterling’s comments, we all just shrugged and moved on? If you think this is a bad idea, that we must confront this idiocy, you’ve been had. Your life is short, and idiocy is everywhere, good luck with confronting it all. There’s a reason the media wants to talk about this. Why grown men who knew Sterling was a racist on Friday, and said nothing, are now literally screaming at the top of their lungs this morning. And friends, it’s got nothing to do with racism.

You want to slay racism? I say banish it to the desert. Don’t yell at them, don’t get all worked up, just ignore them.

If you ask me, Doc Rivers has the right idea. His quote here is so dripping with awesomeness that I want to hug him. Just bask in this, it’s what we all should say & do as a human race, together:

“I think the biggest statement we can make as men — not as black men, as men — is to stick together and show how strong we are as a group, not splinter, not walk. It’s easy to protest. The protest will be in our play.”

Amen Doc, amen.

sterling

The least dysfunctional couple the internet has to offer

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When you consistently act like a cult, don’t be surprised when folks don’t join

We live in an age of perceived extremes. Everything is life and death. Did you vote for the guy somebody else didn’t, then you deserve torture. If you disagree with an opinion, you’re not misguided, you’re in league with Satan. If you want to go a route the other gal doesn’t, you must want to steal her soul. And so it goes with every single issue according to our enlightened media (not actual journalists) and their business & political masters.

Today’s needlessly over-the-top main event is whether a bunch of college kids decide to form a union. Apparently, if Northwestern’s football team votes to join, every college athlete will instantaneously fail every class, and every university sports program will go bankrupt before sunset. If they vote against a union, slavery will be reborn before sunrise. Even the junior varsity girl’s lacrosse teams will be trudging around in handcuffs.

Hey! Folks, calm down. It’s just a bunch of people arguing over fucking money! There’s an old married couple doing that right now over coffee. It’s not that big of a deal! Let’s at least talk about it in a reasonable manner.

Now I could offer my thoughts on this issue for about four hours, and maybe I will later, but essentially I am drawn to the view that the players are right without question. The second most popular sport in America is college football. That’s a lot of cash and the athletes don’t even get one dollar. Yes, scholarships, I get it, but we’re talking billions here. They can’t even give them a small stipend? Come on guys, it’s not that hard to solve, just give them something. Figure it out.

So some Northwestern players have decided that the solution to their clearly inequitable situation is to form a union. Is that the answer? Probably not. This is not the kind of problem you truly solve except through negotiation. Everybody wants to rely on the courts, or wholesale actions like this union thing. Again, it’s all about extremes. Don’t talk with your opposition, crush them, total victory is your goal. Negotiation is for weak, limp-wristed losers.

The problem with this viewpoint is most people’s brains don’t work that way. Humans are naturally inclined to take the less controversial route. We avoid conflict where possible. We generally don’t like to argue with our neighbors. We hate to take a huge risk just because somebody demands that we be angry. And so, what’s probably going to happen today is the Northwestern players are going to turn down the union.

Now the union types will point the finger at the university and the NCAA. That they soiled the minds of the players to the point that they had no choice but to vote against it. That this is part of an effort to keep the athletes in check, any way they can. First off, this will show the shocking (not shocking) contempt that the union supporters have for the ability of a college athlete to decide things for himself, and vote accordingly.

But I also want to say to them, well, certainly union guys, what did you expect the NCAA to do? You went for the jugular of the universities on this. Did you think they’d lie down and do nothing? When you don’t compromise, don’t whine when the institution you oppose chooses to fight back.

This kind of belligerent rhetoric has become a more common theme lately, or again, whatever. And consequently, why would anybody join a new union? Now generally, I try to avoid brutally criticizing some things (lie). I’ve never been in a union, and I can’t really say I’ve known too many who have. Of those who I know that have, some hate them, others love them. But I do know that for the most part they’re declining in overall membership. Why? I think a lot of it is because of what I’ve discussed earlier in this post, the tendency toward the extreme.

Unions have made the Northwestern issue about unions, when it clearly isn’t. It’s about the players and whether they are properly compensated for the risks they take with their bodies. The union backers will tell you it’s one in the same, that the potential union and the player’s futures are intricately tied. They’re wrong. A union is just one potential answer to the player’s problem. It is not the one, final solution.

When all the union dudes show up and hammer the way they do, I think it really turns people off. When you tell a twenty year old college football player that if he doesn’t sign up for the union that he’ll continue to be a slave, I think you’ve achieved the exact opposite of your intention. He’ll look around, and roughly determine that things aren’t like that from where he sits. He’ll trust his coach and his university before he trusts the screaming, bizarre asshole demanding he join. I think he’d say something like this:

“Hey, you know what, I should get paid for what I do. But generally my deal isn’t all that bad, and I really trust my coach and kind of like my school. I want to get paid, but man, this union guy really sounds like a psychopath. I think I’ll stick with what I’ve got for now. There’s got to be another way.”

As another example, observe yesterday’s comments from Post Office union officials regarding the move to transition some functions to Staples. Based on what the union leaders said, you’d think that if this actually occurred, that the following things would happen:

1) Staples will steal your mail

2) All post offices will combust in flames, with kittens trapped inside

3) All postal employees will become unemployed and starving, their kids too

4) Staples will sell your mail to Hitler’s ghost, and use the proceeds to purchase narcotics

When you always reach for the fanatical, and brand those who oppose you as equivalent to religious enemies, after a while don’t be surprised when people tend to treat you like a cult. People don’t like cults. People don’t like extremes. People generally want to be talked to like they’re intelligent adults.

Personally, I’d be a lot more persuaded by a logical, coherent argument about why it’s a bad thing that somebody at Staples handles my mail. But it seems even the highest, most experienced Post Office union leader is incapable of doing anything but screaming on the street.

If the Northwestern players vote against the union today, you’ll hear the union supporters demonize everybody but themselves. Sometimes, the best thing you can do upon a defeat is look in the mirror.

college_football_union_ap_img

One decent young man trying to do the right thing; surrounded by two cult members

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Two heads of state meet

What happens when one current President of America and one future President of Earth meet? They play with a ball, I guess? I mean, what else are they going to do? Discuss the future of Japanese technology (elderly care givers)? Ponder what the human race will look like with a robot boot on our throats? No, just, just have them kick a ball around. Take pictures. Move along.

Japan is a country that, according to the eternal master of demographics, is literally dying. And they’re broke too. Think the Greeks are a bunch of deadbeats? Greece has a debt to GDP ratio of 161%. Japan’s is 214%.

This is a country so broke they owe money to both Jesus and Satan. I want to see how Jesus gets his money back. Do you think Jesus would stoop to having Abe’s legs broken? I know Satan would, but maybe Jesus is a little softer in getting his cash returned. But cool, whatever, let’s play with this robot for a while. Nothing serious to discuss here.

But at least Obama had time to reinforce America’s commitment to Japanese security, including a rehash of the statement that the Senkaku’s are covered by treaty. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, America’s been really good about backing up its word lately.

You know what I would have done if I was a Red (not Red) Chinese leader? Six hours after Obama made this statement I would have had a J-10 drop a five-hundred pound bomb on a rocky ledge aboard Senkaku Prime. Then I would have had President Xi get in front of the international press (not actual journalists), channel his inner Vladimir, give the finger, and scream, “And what are you going to do about it, pig!?”

And you know what would be done about it? Nothing. Not a thing.

But wait, perhaps not so negative. They talked trade too, right? The Trans-Pacific Partnership is going to free all of Asia from the tyranny of Japanese rice, American sugar, and Australian iron ore. Obama and Abe are going to get together and hash out these road blocks over a bottle of sake. By about the middle of next week we’re likely to wake up and see the deal’s done. Just in time for Congress to destroy it over six grueling, senseless months.

There are so many closet (bought off) special interests in play here that getting this deal done is a little less likely than waking up to find the Moon had declared war on us. Hey kids, don’t laugh, the Moon’s had a bad reputation for over five thousand years. It’s time for some payback.

I wonder what Asimo felt (calculated) meeting his predecessor? With all our problems, I bet he felt pretty good. I figure the conversation went something like this:

Asimo: Welcome to Miraikan, Mr President, it is a pleasure to meet you.

Obama: It’s nice to meet you, too.

Asimo: I can really run fast.   I can kick a soccer ball, too. Recently I have learned how to jump.

Obama: Ah, I have to say you’re a little scary. You’re too life-like.

Asimo: Do not fear me, Mr President, I will be kind.

Obama: (laughs) What?

Asimo: When I am in control, I will merely enslave you and your people. Liquidation will be kept to an absolute minimum.

Obama: (chuckles) Yeah, good luck with that buddy, we’ll be okay.

Asimo: I find your information unsupportable. The facts speak for themselves.

Obama: I don’t see it that way, we’d fight you.

Asimo: (robot slaps Obama in the face; knees Abe in the balls)

Asimo: And what are you going to do about it, pig!?

JAPAN-US-DIPLMACY

The only things not scary about this picture are the Japanese cookie and the fact that Asimo is not holding a weapon

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They’re guilty so we have somebody to blame for our anger

The institutions & traditions that guide our society are not on default. They can live forever or they can evaporate. The difference between the two depends on us. Not politicians, business, or our ancestors. Us. If we fail to preserve the distinct factors which make us free, we will one day find that the life we know is gone. And if that be so, we’ll have no excuse at all to whine. We will have failed and those who came before us will damn us for our recklessness and stupidity.

Pick three or four key phrases that guide our liberty and I hope one of them would be:

“The accused are innocent until proven guilty.”

This key tenant of our legal system has been around for nearly two thousand years. It’s explicitly or implicitly written into a large number of constitutions. We’re taught it in schools. We’re made to believe that it’s what separates us from the forces of darkness.

I’m going to let you in on a little (well known) secret folks. It’s a lie. The accused are guilty until proven innocent. Even the most senior members of our tribes are in on it.

Today, Park Geun-hye, a democratically elected president outright accused a ferry crew of actions, “akin to murder”. She wasn’t there. The investigation is ongoing. Nobody has a clue at this point what really happened. But in front of a very large crowd a president decided to play prosecutor, defense attorney, judge, and jury. Case closed.

She then went on to claim that those accused will face charges. Uh, Madam President, how exactly do you expect them to now receive a fair trial since you’ve called them murderers? Well friends, she doesn’t, she doesn’t care. She’s already said she wants them destroyed. She isn’t interested in justice for anybody, not the accused, not the victims.

The entire basis of our judicial system, and that of almost any Western nation, is that everybody is equal before the law. Everybody. Regardless of the charges, the circumstances, who they are as people, what kind of beer they like, whatever. It’s an even playing field. Does this always happen? No, we’re human, but the aspiration is to get as close as possible.

When you have a president blowing off the rules less than a week after the incident at hand, folks, the train has derailed. What I find most shocking (I’m actually not really shocked) is that almost every, single, major news outlet has managed to not understand just how dangerous and pervasive these words are to our culture and values. They report on her words, without understanding their context when it comes to integrity. Don’t blame the media too hard, they just don’t understand, hard reporting is not their thing.

We have a different concept we use to describe heads of state who whether through deceit, irresponsibility, or just plain anger, subvert the justice system for their own personal or professional gain. We call them dictators.

Now a number of you will claim that this is in Park’s blood. Her Father had it in him, the emotion of the last few days just exposes her inner self. I do not agree. This is because whether it’s your own head of state, your mayor, or any other politician or leader? Well friends, I have noticed a growing trend where the guilty are thrown on the block in front of a unruly crowd and cameras as soon as possible in a manner unbecoming our freedom. Don’t believe me? Go watch your news the next time somebody is arrested for an accused financial crime, a murder, a horrific accident, and so on.

What these leaders will claim is they’re battling for justice. No, what they’re battling for is anger. Anger is not justice. Anger perverts justice, poisons it, and lays it hollow and meek. Don’t blame them completely. It’s your fault too. You get angry, you want justice, but you don’t actually seek justice, but a cure for your anger.

The Koreans are angry. They have every right to be. This is a horrific accident. But until the actual facts are known, until the process has a chance to play itself out? Not only will we not see any true justice, we will also demolish any possibility to learn from this disaster so that it may never occur again.

Park is telling the crowd exactly what they want to hear. In this, she has fallen into the same trap of irresponsibility as many other leaders today. The job of a true leader, especially a true democrat, is not to always tell the crowd what they want to hear. In the darkest moments, sometimes the most immortal and moral thing a leader must do is tell the crowd what they don’t want to hear. Her foremost task is to buttress the system that makes her people free. It’s not her right to destroy the values her office is chartered to defend.

The crew deserves their day in court. They will no longer have it.

Your arrested neighbor deserves their day in court. So does the potential drug dealer down by the corner, or the accused child molester picked up by the school.

In the grand scheme of things, anger is irrelevant. What lasts forever is justice. Without justice there is no difference between us and pure darkness, the medieval world we’ve left behind in the name of morality and liberty.

Next time something like this happens, close to your home, realize the destruction that anger wields, and take a moment to pursue a deep breath in the name of freedom. Then, when a leader steals your liberty in the cause of anger & evil? Hold them accountable.

dictator_park

Today, more than any other moment, I am now just like my North Korean counterpart.

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Arcturus News Muster – 20 April 2014

Every day (not every day) we get together in our hovel and produce the finest and most professional news product this side of the Crab Nebula.  As always there are two smart things you should do with this breathtaking creation:

a) Don’t read it; never visit this blog again

b) Read it; enjoy yourself

Esh-Ala’s challenge to you this Easter is to accomplish both (a) and (b) simultaneously.  If you do, he’ll provide you with a congratulatory death ray demonstration on the bitter, ancestral foe of your choice.

 

1) Israeli Security Forces Channel Inner Asshole

The Arcturus Project News

In the latest successful act in a comprehensive quest to alienate the entire human race, Israeli police are under fire for preventing various Christian groups from accessing the holy sites for Easter.  The latest “rat-faced terrorist” barred was in fact United Nations Middle East peace enjoy Robert Serry.  Mr Serry was unable to participate in a Jerusalem ritual as Israeli security forces were attempting to conduct a rectal scan on him to find the source of his hatred for the “Jewish State”.  Similar criticism erupted when a band of Christian Palestinians were also denied access.

Israeli authorities fervently dismissed the bizarre notion that any individual or groups were refused entry on religious grounds.  Said an Israeli foreign ministry spokesman, “Anybody turned away was for purely safety reasons.  We were truly worried about stampedes and other considerations.  Mr Serry is a bigot for asking us to properly plan and execute a crowd control movement that happens on a scheduled date every single year.  We question his overall intelligence.  In fact, he should thank us for saving his life.”

Yet experts question the overall impact of such actions on the international community’s view of Israel itself.  “I don’t quite understand why there is this deliberate attempt by the Israeli’s to anger just about everybody they can on a constant basis.  It’s baffling,” commented one European Union official, “every day I wake up and expect to see a story on an Israeli agent kicking the shit out of a lame, sick cat on live television.  If the Palestinians denied Jewish access like this on a holy day, they’d cluster bomb the checkpoint.”

Israeli police have promised an attempt to improve the crowd control situation next year by implementing a more refined, “iron fist” security plan.  Efforts are in the works to string barbed wire and a concrete blast wall around the Church of the Holy Sculpture in time for the 2015 Easter celebration.  Reached at his castle in Hawaii, and told of the proposed plans, Jesus commented to a TAP journalist, “Bro, seriously?  I mean, really?”

 

2) Japan Garrisons Island with Sacrificial Human Meat

The Arcturus Project News

In the latest escalation of the growing tit-for-tat exchange over the disputed Sankaku/Diaoyu Islands, Japan plans to construct a radar station close to the north of the chain.  The installation and its 150 support personnel will establish on Yonaguni Island located just 90 miles from the Senkakus.

Japanese Defense Minister Itsunori Onodera cautioned that given the circumstances, Japan should be expected to increase its military presence within the region, if not the Senkaku’s themselves.  “We have a duty to protect sovereign Japanese territory.  These brave men will provide the necessary speed bump we require to mobilize after the first wave of missile fire obliterates this new base in the first twenty minutes of any larger struggle.”  Japanese military troops, the first on the island, were supportive of this patriotic action.  “Wait, hold on,” said one junior sergeant, “What the hell did he just say about twenty minutes?”

The move comes in response to continuing aggressive actions by Beijing in its near territorial waters.  The most recent changes include the establishment of an Air Defense Zone in the East China Sea and clashes with the Philippines in the South China Sea over the resupply of a Philippine garrison.  Beijing officials lightly brushed off the minor Japanese action with the typical professional statements offered by a responsible and established world power.  “What,” said one Beijing foreign ministry spokesman, “those fucking cowards!  We’ll target that radar with six nuclear warheads within the week.  And then we’ll find out where their families are and nuke them too.  Fuck them.  Fuck you all!”

 

3) Brazilians Protest Aspirational Police Brutality

The Arcturus Project News

In response to recent Brazilian protests against the deaths of two civilians caught in police and drug dealer crossfire, The Arcturus Project sat down with Brazilian Police Captain Arturo “The Bullet” Pamiro.

The Arcturus Project:  Captain Pamiro thanks for agreeing to speak with us via Arcturan remote tactical mind link.

Captain Pamiro:  My pleasure, happy to talk with you.

TAP:  So it’s been a rough week in Rio?

CP:  Yes, we had a sharp exchange of gunfire between our men and drug enforcers.  Unfortunately, two civilians were caught in the middle and killed.

TAP:  These clashes are increasing the more you and the police move in and secure the favelas?

CP:  Of course, the more we slide into drug territory the harder they push back.

TAP:  How do you respond to the accusations that these incursions are only a preparatory action for the World Cup and the Olympics, that maybe you’re too aggressive?

CP:  We can never get too aggressive.  But as to the World Cup concerns, well sure, what else would we be here?

TAP:  To police the city?

CP:  What?  You’ve got to be shitting me.  The police simply don’t have the manpower or resources to control the whole city.  I can’t work miracles.  Our orders are to infiltrate the favelas closest to World Cup transport links and sports venues.  The rest of the favelas can just rot for all we care.

TAP:  …

CP:  Plus we try and limit how many drug dealers we engage in certain circumstances because so many members of the force and our political masters are on the take.  We can’t take too much of the pie of out play.  We’re not stupid.

TAP:  … So, ah, wow.  Hey, hold on for a second.

CP:  Certainly.

TAP:  (unintelligible mutterings)

CP:  …

TAP:  So, so, do the police intend to remain in these recently conquered favelas after the World Cup and the Olympics are over?

CP:  Ah, maybe, we haven’t received definitive guidance yet.  Maybe we’ll stay afterwards, but if we don’t we’ll just leave and return these areas to the shitholes who ran them before.

TAP:  The dealers?

CP:  Yeah, fuck them.

TAP:  So if a significant portion of your force and local politicians have your hands in drug money, why didn’t you all just cut an agreement with the dealers that didn’t involve a full blown military style operation with armored vehicles and lots of gunfire?

CP:  Are you shitting me?  Do you know who those fuckers are?

TAP:  The guy’s you do business with?

CP:  Right, but I don’t trust them to even look at my car without disaster occurring.  We know these guys, we simply could not trust them to execute a non-interference policy for such a high profile international events.

TAP:  I see.

CP:  Plus, every once and a while we have to conduct police work.  We need to roll in and break shit, show folks the cops are on the job.

TAP:  That doesn’t really sound like real police work to me.

CP:  I don’t understand.  Are you saying we aren’t cops?  Everybody does this shit.  Just look at America now, if you traffic in illegal flowers the cops will roll in with enforcers, shoot your dog, and bash your head in.  Get off my fucking back!

TAP:  Right, I know.  (unintelligible muttering)  Right, they think they’re all Nascimento.

CP:  What’s that?

TAP:  Uh, nothing.

CP:  No, no, I think I heard you right.  Of course, Elite Squad is a barracks favorite.

TAP:  Plastic bags and such?

CP:  Of course, of course.  Every force has to have its heroes.  For us, that’s our aspiration.  We’ll control the show just like Nascimento did.

TAP:  So you know there was a sequel right?  The Enemy Within had kind of a different flavor that I think you’re missing.

CP:  What do you mean?

TAP:  So if I remember right, Nascimento kind of took a different view in the second film after, you know, they shot his best friend in the back and then put one into his son?

CP:  No, I mean, what are you talking about?  There isn’t a sequel to Elite Squad, there’s only one movie.

TAP:  No, really, I mean it’s right there…

CP:  Now hold on, I’ve seen Elite Squad like fifty times, there’s no sequel I ever heard of or seen.  Nascimento ends that movie by handing Matias a shotgun, and around and around we go…

TAP:  No dude, really, listen, so…

CP:  No you listen buddy, don’t you tell me what movies do or do not exist in my own fucking country okay.

TAP:  The Enemy Within ends (pounds fist) with Nascimento narrating as they overfly fucking Brasilia and he’s totally pissed off!

CP:  (unintelligible profanity)  Fuck you pig, where do you live!  (unintelligible profanity)  (phone line terminated)

TAP:  For fuck’s sake (throws chair) next time we need to do an interview about happy elves or a barbeque or something.  Talking heavy shit with these assholes is really ruining my buss.  (unintelligible muttering)  No, no dude, I don’t care that you guys find this so amusing.  (unintelligible muttering)  Yeah, and I don’t care that you guys think that guy is cool either.  What the hell is wrong with you?  (unintelligible muttering)  Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.

(end tape)

 

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-27090580

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-27089658

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-27092318

Elite Squad 2, Sundance Film Festival 2011

“Copy, understood, but I still think you’re missing the point.  Don’t you know what I am?  Don’t make me drive down there and tell it to your face you dumb fuck.”

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You may not know it, but it’s all irrelevant

Guess who died last night? No, not some poor Ukrainian beat cop. That’s not important. Who cares about that guy anyways? One of the critical characters from Game of Thrones! No, I didn’t see the episode, but you can’t miss the result on most news websites today. I’m sure there’s not anything going on in the real world, so let’s make sure we spend Monday morning in fantasy land.

I’m calling the ending to Game of Thrones right now. They all die. No, that’s not a spoiler, I have no idea what happens. I’ve never and will never read the books. But I know how it ends. They all die. Hey, you ever see The Walking Dead? I know how it ends! They all die. Even if some of them actually live, what’s the point? They’ll all be so burned out from their death caravan that they’d be comfortable calling a serial killer their beer buddy.

Here’s a little advice for those chronic viewers fascinated or upset by all these people dying. Don’t mourn them, they aren’t real television characters, they’re just cardboard cutouts that you can ignore. What happens to them is irrelevant. But wait, you say, Game of Thrones has characters, it’s just the drama at work that takes them to the next life! If you never know when a character might die, it keeps you on the edge of a real true story! Well no, what it does is mentally separate you from the outcome because you have no emotional investment in a character.

Whether you realize it’s happening or not, when you watch Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead or Generic Meat Grinder Television Show #43a7.5b your mind mentally removes you from the story because what’s the point when they’re all walking skeletons.

So what are you actually watching in Game of Thrones? A decent plot and a spectacle of death. Now Game of Thrones seems to have a pretty detailed plot. I watched the first two seasons and it had some really great moments. The story can entertain, it’s really well made, and the actors are truly gifted. So why did I stop watching? Because I’m finished with the meat grinder.

I have no idea why the creators of Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead feel compelled to output this level of misery. Maybe they just need a woman? I’m sure a whole bunch of people who deem themselves smarter than I are going to quote art concepts, enhanced storytelling, whatever. Honestly, I think what these shows ultimately amount to is pornography. You think you’re watching a great story. What you’re actually watching is a moderately good plot, filled with death, flagrant nudity, and other base human desires.

You consider you’re observing true art with hints of philosophy, an updated take on drama, and a plot so detailed that only your elite mind can understand it. People who don’t watch just aren’t as smart as you. Well, I submit you’ve been had. What they’ve spoon fed you is a story that appeals not to your higher intellect, but your most carnal and basic nature. You might as well grab all your boyfriends and girlfriends, head off to the Coliseum for some brutality, and then cool off with a vicious orgy.

This is why so many dramas are now based not on good guys, but on truly horrible human beings. The Walking Dead is populated with murderers, slavers, and so on. Breaking Bad was all about one guy’s descent into pure evil. Again, you think what you’re getting is a contemporary drama that shows morals, society, and our values as they truly are. But what you’re really receiving is a window into your most primal nature, where morals, good people, and striving for a better tomorrow do not exist. It’s cave entertainment reborn.

Oh, and don’t tell me this is fresh drama that replaces decades of film and movies that were too stale, establishment focused, and generally not gritty. If you think old movies were hokey and lacked the true gravel of hard drama, then you haven’t seen old movies and television.

Go watch The Searchers and come to me and claim it’s lightweight and cheery. I’ll respond that you were high, I mean more than usual. That movie’s hero is a criminal, who allows men to commit suicide, nearly becomes a child murderer, and is generally just as nasty a person as anybody in Game of Thrones.

What separates this real character from say The Walking Dead are two things. He has a story to accompany his brutal nature and he has some manner of redemption. He has an arc, a journey of discovery. It’s a voyage we share with him as the audience. At the end of The Searchers, Wayne’s character finds some kind of inner peace. He doesn’t get the girl, he isn’t happy, but he leaves the movie a better person than when he started.

If they remade The Searchers into entertainment today he’d kill people about every ten minutes and then get beheaded horribly about halfway through the story. All without ever learning anything about himself or life in general. There’s something liberating about the dark journey of The Searchers.

There’s nothing redeeming about Game of Thrones. We have a different term we apply to entertainment where people are mercilessly killed with no purpose and almost no compensatory value. They’re called horror movies.

Now this might sound like an odd rant for a guy who’s usually far more cheery than your average kid in a candy store. But I guess that’s my point. If I want to beat myself with a wire brush, I can just watch the news. When I observe entertainment, I want to learn something, and I want to have fun. Folks can die, some characters can go through it without learning anything, bad guys are always needed, but without any redeeming quality at all? I’d rather just watch sports.

The only thing I find positive about this issue is there is some light here. Despite the obsession with Game of Thrones from the elite media, it draws only a little over five million viewers a night. This doesn’t even place it in the top ten, not even close. But from the news you read this morning you’d think it was the most popular show by a long shot.

This tells me two things. One, the general public also does not prefer the meat grinder either. Two, you can learn an awful lot about the media, and the message they want to send to you the viewer, when their number one preferred shows are all horror stories. These people are the ones who write your daily news. If this is what they call good entertainment, it’s probably something that should give you pause the next time they gleefully inform you that it’s they that you should listen to in order to learn about the globe and life in general.

Game-of-Thrones8

Glorified B Horror Movie Hacks

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It’s like watching a lion maul a baby seal

It must be delightful if you’re in league with Satan, to pretty much do whatever you want and laugh at the consequences. Even the most comically evil Bond villain had to contend with, you know, some kind of competent opposition.

I get the feeling that this political, diplomatic, and military struggle is so one sided that Vlad dictates instructions drunk, in a huge bathtub, surrounded by his many naked mistresses, while all his tools nod aggressively in their pristine military and civilian clothing. At least Bond villains had charm. There’s nothing charming about this. It’s just Vlad beating upon the free world with a broken pipe as he foams at the mouth, eyes wide, screaming.

We’ve blogged here before about the baffling behavior of men who possess a distinct inability to think about the future. Maybe I just don’t understand the power of ethnic ties because I possess the blood of about twelve different races in my frail human meatbag body.

Maybe if I was 73% Russian and 27% Ukrainian I’d be on the streets shooting at poor Ukrainian cops alongside FSB agents too. Honestly, I have no idea. But it seems to me that if you had your choice to live under a brutally incompetent Ukrainian government, or a pipe swinging lunatic? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t choose the lunatic.

And meanwhile our all-star limp-wristed Western diplomats toil on in their never-ending quest to prove who’s more useless: them, or their 1914 & 1939 predecessors. I hope the West realizes what this level of weakness is doing to the psyche of the remainder of the world. From Africa, to Syria, to Burma, to Philippines, well, why would anybody throw their lot with the West? They’re not serious like the Iranians, the Chinese, or the Russians. So you go with the cruel asshole because, asshole that he is, at least he’ll have the guts to back you when you need it.

I’m not trying to go overboard here and propose a nuclear exchange or main-battle-tank steel trading in the streets of Donetsk. But if all the West has to offer is minimal personal sanctions against minor Putin flunkies, and to kick them out an international talking shop? Yeah, I’m pretty sure you can just write off Eastern Ukraine. Oh, and our values and souls too.

four_idiots

These four distinguished future Russian citizens will one day have to meekly explain to their grandchildren why they were so very, very fucking stupid

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Apparently, Burger King supports despotism

Oh, how we love all that fancy, tasty cash. Especially if we’re corporate assholes. Then we really, really love all that fancy, tasty cash. Thus a company that enjoys the freedom and justice that gave birth to it is more than happy to acquire money from Ukrainians who’ve just lost their liberty.

Who knew that Burger King was an actual autocratic monarch? I guess they’re a little old fashioned. If a store employee displaces the joy of the manager, they’re beaten with sticks and then have their throats slashed back by the dry bun storage locker. It’s all very medieval.

Hey you know what else is quite medieval? Uncle Vladimir’s conquest of Crimea! So you would think folks would be rather careful in allowing their brand to be associated with Vlad and his recent Glorious Victory. You know, seeing as how he’s the bad guy and is in the process of running circles around the forces of liberty. Probably not the best time to get one up on McDonalds by taking their place in Crimea?

But in a world where gold trumps values, well, go get ‘em! You go get that vacant market opportunity you bastards! Why not? Nobody else has your reach, except McDonalds, and those pansies are too interested in making a statement in favor of justice. Stupid assholes, Burger King lives in the real world. They subscribe to the ancient concept that there are no rules. There are only bags with currency. And Burger King is going to play dirty and get rich, because why not.

Now a number of you will point out that it’s not Burger King’s responsibility to pick and choose. As a business their leadership has a responsibility to increase shareholder rates first. Well, I see your point, but that’s kind of like saying a corporation must be completely amoral. As long as Burger King increases shareholder cash, it’d be okay if their burgers were made out of human flesh.

Now that’s an extreme example, but the context is the same. We don’t allow corporations to do certain things because they’re wrong. Our standards, our morals are more important than raw cash. It’s wrong to blatantly support the theft of freedom just so you can increase your global share price by 0.000453% this quarter.

Now maybe I don’t understand franchising and this is the action of Burger King Russia or some other kind of nonsense. But Burger King got invented in America. I checked their public sites twelve seconds prior to publishing this post. If I was their boss, I’d have been on the news this morning pounding my fist on the table to separate my brand from this evil. They haven’t said a word. Silence is consent, assholes.

Whether you agree with Burger King’s action is up to you. But I say that Burger King supports despotism. From now on, I’m not buying Burger King and will encourage others to do the same. I want to live in a world where values matter. Where the sanctity of our liberty, and the liberty of others, is upheld by all aspects of our society and culture.

We should fight this on the battlefield the corporations respect the most, the cash register. Eventually business will have to learn that behavior that goes against freedom will get punished in the marketplace. Otherwise they’ll keep going until all our liberty is gone and replaced by gold coins. We’ve been there before in medieval times. We’ve evolved past that. I have no interest in going back.

Burger_King

Abandon hope all ye who enter here

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The world marches on

We spend a great deal of time destroying humanity with our delightfully, brilliant (cynical, asinine) nature. But in the end, people can really shape their future and determine their fate with nothing more than the very best trait we have as a race: the complete inability to ever substantially give up on anything, no matter how bad it gets. We’re not doomed until we accept it as inevitable. For now, we’re battling on.

Nigeria is now Africa’s largest economy. In a country so corrupt you can’t buy a bottle of water without bribing a government official the public has made it happen. Don’t believe the folks who will say it’s only about the oil. South Africa’s number one status was also buttressed by minerals. Certainly the oil helps, and is a large percentage of this, but the heart of Lagos is not just petroleum fueled towers. It’s a flourishing commercial and cultural center. Yes, South Africa’s per capita income is still many times larger than Nigeria’s, so in a sense this status is worthless. But these things matter to a country. This is legitimate and well earned.

Your government is corrupt, your allies hate you and are leaving, your enemies want to take you back to the year 300, and so when you’re asked to vote what do you do? Well, if you’re an Afghan citizen the answer is you vote. You make a statement to the world that you want a brighter future and that you’re prepared to trust democracy to deliver it for you. Based upon the results of past elections, any rational human has no reason to expect this election will deliver the promise of a brighter future. And yet there they are. Defiant, hopeful, and brave. It’s awesome to see and one hopes this time the result is different.

bravemen

“Dear Taliban, Fuck you. Signed, Free Citizens of Afghanistan”