Omar Sharif is The Most Interesting Man in The World

– Royal monarch visits his childhood home regularly

– Connoisseur of insanely beautiful women

– Able to converse in half-a-dozen languages

– Hooligan of mediocre EPL team

– Frequent French casino patron

– Mythically talented actor

– Drinking buddy of Peter O’Toole

– Accomplished bridge player

– Called a swanky hotel one of his homes

– Human in greatest movie entrance of all time

omar sharif

I don’t always applaud legends.  But when I do, I prefer Omar Sharif.

RIP my friends.

I’m glad science is finally paying us back what we’re owed

Let’s humbly acknowledge our role in paying for all of this. Our carefully appropriated research and development funds took 38 years to yield a functioning speeder bike. And 26 years for a hoverboard. So we should all expect a check in the mail in the next week or so.

 

Hoverbike

Coming soon to a wooded National Park near you; a 700% increase in death by tree strikes

 

Coming soon from Lexus (ignore unrelated smoke-like appearance)

hoverboardlexus

[lunatic wide eyes] Baaatttterrr Up!

 

But I want to know where the hell is the rest of our damn money. Our funds have led to a whole bunch of projects and I’m just sitting here, waiting, drinking beer, and tapping my finger on the table. I paid $4 a seat many years back, and I still don’t have:

 

– Skyways & Hover Conversion; 26 year delay

docbrown

“I’m on it, I’m on it, [shifty eyed] I know I promised these by 2015, but I’ve been, a little backed up lately. I saw Breaking Bad, and decided to get into the meth business, so I’m running behind on the car.” [panting] [panting] [panting]

“Doc are you getting into your own stash? Doc? Doc?!”

 

– Upgraded Dialing Machine; 33 year delay

et phone home

If this piece of shit could communicate between freaking stars, and all they did is upgrade it, I could harness the technology to solve minor problems like cold fusion. Also, does anybody remember TI Speak & Spell!?!?

 

– Self Driving SUV; 22 year delay

Google’s self-driving clown car is a joke. Where’s my autonomous SUV that’s so durable it can mostly survive a vicious assault from a deranged creature seven-hundred times it’s size?

jurassicpark-trex-footmud-full

Uh, he can probably see you even if you don’t move. You should run. Like, honest. “Go. Go now!” It worked out well for the other guy.

 

– Buildings on Sky Stilts; 52 year delay

It worked for Cloud City, it’ll work just fine in Frisco.  What could go wrong?  It must be done.

JETSONS

 

– Man Portable Death Ray; 29 year delay

death ray

If the machines took over tomorrow, what are we supposed to defend ourselves with? America’s existing 300 million carbon based firearms? Ordinary journeyman and teenaged-girl-stalker Kyle Reese made himself pretty clear that all those ordinary guns are ineffective against the machines. And so, …

bale

Oh.

“…well, then that would be even better.”

Life is not a dream. It’s really not. I know this because right now I’m drinking an awesome beer surrounded by my dogs. This is real. So are we. And so are the ideas that keep us going.

Leonard Nimoy knew this. Better than most I suspect. It bled through his art. And if Nimoy was anything, an artist in the old sense he was. He wrote books and poetry, he took photographs, he mastered the craft of the motion picture.

It is this reason, not just because people love Spock, that made him a household name. He had the power to tell us who we are. He made it seem like he wasn’t one of us, when he was actually among the best of us.

More than anybody else, Nimoy made Star Trek. Everybody thinks it was Priceline Senόr Bancό de Rόbber Bill Shatner. It wasn’t. In the beginning, nobody working on the show really liked Shatner or Gene Roddenberry. Although folks don’t talk about it openly, except perhaps George Takei, you get the idea that things tended to almost fall apart because Shatner and Roddenberry were arrogant jerks.

Later, Nimoy and Shatner would actually build respect and ultimately a deep friendship. When you read about how Nimoy tried to help Shatner with the troubles and ultimate tragic death of his wife, it brings tears to your eyes. It’s rather strange but poetic, that two men who were friends only on screen for so many decades would actually find friendship later in life when they needed each other the most.

Don’t get me wrong, Bill cleaned up his act and I really like the guy. A lot of people still call him a bad actor. Mostly those who have never watched all of Star Trek or one episode of The Practice. But it’s clear to me, that without Nimoy, Star Trek would have been an unknown bad hack science fiction nothing.

I have the idea that Nimoy kept everybody together. Everybody else on set showed up because Nimoy was there. And the idea that was Star Trek, it was his as much as Roddenberry’s. Nimoy’s view of what Star Trek was is best exemplified by his goal with The Voyage Home where he said:

“…no dying, no fighting, no shooting, no photon torpedoes, no phaser blasts, no stereotypical bad guy. I wanted people to really have a great time watching this film and if somewhere in the mix we lobbed a couple of big ideas at them, well, then that would be even better.”

This was Star Trek. A fun show the whole family could watch, but also riddled with big ideas that could melt the brain of any serious adult. When I was a young idiot, I couldn’t stand The Voyage Home. I’d be like, “what’s with these stupid whales, man, when is somebody going to get cut in half.” But when I rewatched it last year, I couldn’t believe what a joy it was. It’s a masterpiece. I breathed in the happiness.

In a modern storytelling age where the fog of doom is pervasive, it’s comforting to go back and watch a view of the future not owned by failure and bleached skeletons. Nimoy’s future of a still flawed but noble humanity with a bright existence remains inspiring, and a future worth fighting for.

So here’s to Nimoy and the hopes that he’s embarked aloft alongside DeForest Kelley and James Doohan and they’re off to Valhalla at whatever warp factor they prefer. Kelley’s chuckling, Doohan’s got a glass of scotch, and Nimoy comments offhand as they blast into the stars, “Life is but a dream.”

leonard_nimoy

farewell shipmate, fair winds

There’s no limit to this lunacy

Attention Hollywood freaks, okay, you can do whatever you want, but you can’t call it Ghostbusters. You have to call it something else. We don’t care what it is, but it’s not Ghostbusters.

Now granted, even without the newfangled female cast we’d still be upset. You can’t have Ghostbusters without Harold Ramis. So as far as we’re concerned Ghostbusters is over. Because Ramis is currently engaged in a duel of the fates with Jimmy Stewart in Valhalla over a half loaded revolver, a burning candle, and a pair of goblets.

So what do we want? Well, probably just for them to leave it alone. It’s over, enjoy the movies for what they were. But no, we can’t do that, because they need to make more money. And name and/or concept recognition trumps the ability of a depraved Hollywood culture to come up with the apparent miracle of a new, fresh idea.

This has gotten out of hand. What’s next? Casablanca 2? Only this time (since there are no legit villains anymore) they get to battle “Hitlar” in New York. Hitlar’s a rich oil tycoon who likes to dispose of used 55 gallon oil drums in elementary schools.

And everything’s got to be an action movie now. So Sam’s suddenly proficient with a machine-pistol. And Rick and Ilsa have to meet in a Manhattan gin bar, again. Just so stupid folks in the theater can scream, “Awh shit son, he just said it! He just said it!”

How about Godfather 4? Al Pacino’s still got some gas left in the tank? Although they’d have to explain away the whole orange scene. But they can do it, somehow. Just look at the illogical mess they conducted in order to remake Star Trek. And it got them $853M.

Don’t think they won’t do it, folks. It’s just crazy enough to work. Just ask Harold Ramis!

ramis

HR: [monotone delivery] I sure hope these new producers know real Ghostbusters. Because if they do this, I shall haunt them. At night. As a ghost.

TAP: Thanks Harold.

HR: You are welcome.

TAP: …

HR: I’d like my fee now.

TAP: Oh. … [slowly unrolls bills from wad of cash] 

HR: I don’t have all day.

TAP: [speeds up unrolling]