Tag Archives: Culture

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We’re all a bunch of lunatics, calm down

The insanity on display today is beyond comprehension.  I’m not going to list one topic and bitch about it like a child.  You figure it out.

For the blogger, insanity is defined as desiring to write about every single thing you hear during a day that angers you, and then deciding not to do it.  Why?  Because you’d be worse off, and unable to make your point.  Suffice to say, that if I wrote about any topic today, I’d be filled with nothing but a sea of profanity and disgust.

Every topic bleeds the symptoms of a culture and human race bound for the crypt.  My guests have spent most of the day shaking their heads at the awfulness.  In their view, such a weak, twisted, vain race would burn in eight hours if they could introduce a proper Heavy Assault Fleet into our high orbit.  Fortunately for us all, they can’t.  They’re just a bunch of degenerate, exiled, drunk assholes.  Fuck them.

Why am I writing this then?  I guess because I had to do something.  Nothing is not an option when you feel compelled to bleed your brain.  I guess I’ll go with one theme that troubles me that is common to all of today’s issues:

a)  Everybody treats every single issue as if the universe is about to collapse

b)  They then choose a side, even if there is no side

c)  They then choose to target the other side as evil and destroy them

d)  This thus results in a lot of shouting, hatred, and generally awful behavior

e)  Nothing is accomplished, and we all end up where we started

f)  God, Jesus, Yoda, and Buddha shake their heads; knowing we’ve learned nothing

Hey, look assholes, calm the fuck down.  You think your pet issue is motivating?  Here’s a motivating sentence for you:

In six hundred years your bones will be dust.

Relax, kick back, have a drink, and enjoy what life you have.  Hug your friends and loved ones.  Laugh with them.  Don’t spend your day shouting vile at your opposition when if all you did was actually sit down with them, you’d discover they aren’t under the influence of Hitler’s ghost.

Maybe we’ve always been this way, the venom.  Maybe Caveman 1, Caveman 2, Cavewoman 3, and Cavewoman 4 spewed the same level of hatred at each other.  But I doubt it.  Back then, humans needed each other to survive, regardless of what they thought day to day.  Well, I’ve got news for you lunatics.  It’s still the same.

We need each other to survive.  All of us.  We’re all a bunch of lunatics, calm down.

supernova_w49b

One million-trillion lives may have existed inside this bubble of death; keep that in mind; and go hang out with your friends and family and have fun; then, come back and try again without the evil

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Apparently, your local business hates money

Everybody says customer service is dead. No, they’ve exhumed the body, burned it, shot it in the head, and then walked away without reburial. Maybe it’s always been like this? Perhaps two-thousand years ago folks were experiencing the same frustration as I?

All I need is to have three-figures worth of work done on my hovel. I can’t do it myself because I’m not a master plumber. And I’m also an idiot. It’s simple, but requires an expert. Yet after a month of trying to get over a dozen potential companies involved, I have no reasonable estimates in hand. None. I’m not trying to get my plumbing to spit gold leaf. I just need like two hours worth of work done.

Last night I mentioned these facts to my exiled guests, who were heavily intoxicated. They agreed that this was probably a longstanding human trait, and for whatever reason, agreed to help me investigate trends throughout history. They have a room they keep only for themselves. I don’t go in there because I value my dogs’ safety. So twice during the evening, one of them walked into that room, and then emerged with a tale. They claimed they observed these stories via “confrontational destructive time travel” in an attempt to “watch you scum in your proper primitive state”.

 

– Luoyang, circa 173

Customer: Good afternoon Sir, I’d like to have my iron dagger repaired. The hilt has become damaged in an unfortunate accident.

Proprietor: Ah, let me take a look. … Yes, yes, well I might be able to get to it in about three weeks or so.

Customer: Uh, do you think you could get to it a little sooner? I need it to stay alive. The latest bout of eunuch inspired intrigue has made this a rough town recently.

Proprietor: Hey, I’m a busy man, I get to it when I get to it. You’re not the only one with ongoing issues.

Customer: Could you go a little faster? Can we work something out?

Proprietor: Listen jerk, I work for a living, what do you do?

Customer: Work for a living.

Proprietor: Two and a half weeks, that’s the best I can do.

Customer: Well, maybe I’ll take my business somewhere else.

Proprietor: Yeah, you go ahead, I don’t care, nobody else does my work.

Customer: You’re insane, there’s like six weapons stalls in this alley alone.

Proprietor: Hey! Kiss my ass buddy, who do you think you are anyways?

Customer: Okay, see you later.

Proprietor: Yeah, fuck you, fuck your mother.

 

– Rome circa 249

Customer: Good morning Sir, I’d like to have some work done on my household plumbing.

Proprietor: I don’t do that kind of work, ask somebody else.

Customer: Your shingle shows you’re a plumber?

Proprietor: Yeah, but I don’t do that, I’ve got other stuff to do.

Customer: But you were recommended by a respectable knight of the empire I know.

Proprietor: Hey, you don’t tell me what I do, okay buddy? I don’t want to work on your pipes.

Customer: Okay, I’ll just go hire somebody else I guess.

Proprietor: No, no, wait, so sorry, bad fish this morning, ah, how about next Tuesday between high sun and late sun. I come by and check it out? Maybe it’s an aqueduct transfer problem?

Customer: I’ll have to check with my overlord and see if I can get off then?

Proprietor: What? You Gaul pig, what are you talking about? I can only be there around noon. You’ll be there.

Customer: I need to work too, I make sandals for the guy. It’s hard work but pays fairly well.

Proprietor: No, I need to work, on your pipes. You’ll be there because that’s when I’ll be there. Who the fuck do you think you are?

Customer: Can’t you come by in the early evening, after I get back from work? That’d be better for my schedule. It would take you five minutes to look at it. Then, if we decide to do business, I can take off work later.

Proprietor: [throws chair] Get the fuck out of my shop pig! Get the fuck out of here!

 

So I was delightfully amazed at how similar my experiences were to those of two ancient empires. I loved the tales, and felt a lot better that it wasn’t just our time that had degenerated into insanity. I bought into this as reality, and thanked my guests for their kind acts.

But then they all started laughing, laughing so hard they started to cry. I’d of course been had. They can’t travel through time, nobody can. Who knew? Not me, not at all. So then they beat me with a discarded windshield wiper for four hours so I would remember to be less gullible in the future. I doubt it’ll work. And in any case, they’ll just find another reason to beat me, it’s their thing.

Anyways, apparently, my local plumbers just hate money. Because they certainly don’t want mine, or anybody else’s as far as I can determine. Here are just a few examples of the inexplicable behavior I’ve observed over the last few weeks:

– The inability to return a phone call

– Telling me on the phone that they don’t do the work their website says they do

– Not returning a call for two weeks, and then calling multiple times in one morning, and leaving belligerent voicemails about how I won’t answer my phone

– They schedule a firm appointment, I schedule time off with work, but then they call back one hour later and say they made the appointment in error and need to reschedule

– They don’t understand why I have to check with my work to be at home during normal working hours, and get loudmouthed when I ask if they can come late afternoon or on the weekend. You see, they say, they don’t work outside of normal working hours. I guess they expect nobody works except them?

– Calling inside the active four hour window of the appointment, after I already took off work, and saying they can’t make it, and then getting angry when I refuse to reschedule

– When actually on site, refusing to listen to what I need, and instead proposing hair-brained, expensive solutions that have nothing to do with the problem at hand

So there you go, live the dream. By the way, that’s seven different, independent companies right there. That’s not one company doing multiple stupid things. Most of them got great reviews online. This tells me, like most things, that online reviews are rigged. There’s more, but I’m tired. Like I said, I’ve tried about a dozen guys. At this point, I’m probably just going to bash my pipes with a bat and see if that somehow solves the problem. I mean why not? What could go wrong?

So if you run a business, and you can somehow not do the seven things I’ve listed above? Then friends, lucky you, because it means you’re ahead of a least 95% of your competitors. Let it ride.

super-mario-brothers-06-s

At this point, I’d hire these assholes to do the work because at least one of them is motivated to accomplish things

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Now that you’re paying attention, you can learn they’re all doomed

I’m starting to believe there is no such thing as real breaking news anymore. Instead, we are treated to old themes that the media usually ignores, but then makes new when they bother to cover. In raising these issues, the goal is to grab your brains long enough for them to acquire cash via the grasp of your eyes.

When they’re done with you, the crisis will remain, but the media doesn’t care because at that point they’ll move onto the next catastrophe and hope to catch you with that. In the meantime, the world burns on.

We’ve blogged a few times on Nigeria and Boko Haram, so I’m not going to rehash the background. If you know anything about this situation your initial reaction was probably along the lines of:

“Why is this a surprise to anybody?”

While the majority of the planet was at the mall, Boko Haram has been brutally executing young girls and boys for years. It’s just that this time they’ve decided to kidnap girls from a school instead of taking them onto the playground and shooting them in the head.

I don’t understand the new mass hysteria from either the planet or a Nigerian people who’ve suddenly decided to take to the streets in protest. It’s okay to overlook when Boko Haram burns children alive, but now that they’re in the mass kidnapping business we need to do something? Nothing about that line of thinking makes sense.

Oh, the Nigerian Army needs reform? It’s been that way since 1963. Get in line. Oh, the Nigerian government is a structured kleptocracy that is unresponsive to the needs of the people, even for the most basic of security needs? Where have you people been for four decades? Oh, at the mall, right. Sorry.

When you make it a point to disregard a problem? Don’t come back later when something ‘dramatic’ happens and then shout your outrage that the evil exists.

I’m calling this right now. How can I do that? I’m not a genius, I’m an idiot, but I just read things. At least you’re reading this. Your neighbor probably reads nothing.

a) The Nigerian Army and government are incapable of rescuing these girls

b) Negotiation is the only option

c) But Boko Haram is run by psychopaths who won’t negotiate

d) Even the most precise, expensive surveillance assets offered by the West will not locate these girls

e) If it takes France years just to find one abductee in this lawless, limitless ground, what chance do we have with hundreds of girls?

They’re doomed, friends. Life is shit. These girls have just had their lives destroyed. I recommend you either get over it, or start paying attention on a routine basis. Only when we as a planet make it a point to watch en masse will we be able to determine what we’re going to do to ensure this never happens again.

Because you know what? Next week you won’t hear a word about these girls on the news. The majority of them will still be alive, abducted, and in turmoil. But you won’t see them on the screen, because the world will have moved on. I invite you to not forget. Make it a point to stay informed. Either that, or go back to not caring. Whatever your conscience is comfortable with.

criminal evil dude

The fact that this man is smiling, tells you all you need to know about how he views our modern world and its desire to stop him

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Thoughtless denial is delightful to watch

Some things just don’t work. Square shaped wheels went out of style five thousand years ago. You can’t go buy a shoe that’s made out of lit matchsticks. Trying to brush your teeth with a live squirrel will result in an unfavorable outcome.

Yet, in the finest of human traditions to generally never give up on anything, some folks just can’t respond to reality. And so, for whatever reason, I was rather surprised to hear there’s still an active Communist Party USA:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26126325

Is there still a Nazi Party USA? I mean, not the Klan or some other poser gang, but the real Nazi Party USA? Like back in the Thirties when they marched in uniform? I’m afraid the NSA, my mistress, and the Wall Street Journal are monitoring my internet. So I’m not going to search for “Nazi Party USA” in my browser. Either that or I’m just lazy. Either way, I have no idea if they still exist too.

Anyways, even after over a century of abject economic failure, several bouts of wildly fun genocide, and generally just laughable outcomes there are apparently three-thousand Americans who, for whatever reason, still believe in a future that will never exist. Chairman Sam Webb, yeah, he’s actually called Chairman, says:

“The longer-term goal”, says Webb, is “the communist society, the ending of all class divisions, a society of equality, the withering away of the state”.

In other words Chairman Webb believes in witchcraft and the ability to completely alter human nature at the genetic level. Good for him. It’s beneficial to have ambitions in life, even if they’re less achievable than going to the Moon with your car, drunk, before lunch.

Even the world’s former Red A-Team have all woken up to how the universe works. Depending on how you measure things, Russia, China, and Cuba are probably more capitalist than half the capitalist world. And our North Korean friends, well, there’s no political ideology associated with an oligarchy that rules things in a manner that even Stalin would find “rather aggressive”.

I also don’t understand why the BBC is talking to these folks? With only 3K members it means the Reds have less activity than the Handweavers Guild of America. But the real question you should be asking yourself is why am I talking about why the BBC is talking about the Communists? Look, don’t ask me hard questions friends, you’ll just get scared by the creepy, bizarre responses.

I guess I’m just fascinated at why a free thinking human would offer their time and money for something like this. I guess the only conclusion I can draw is that people are idiots. Now we’re all morons, I know I am, but these guys are at the outer edge. Good for them, it’s neat to be the best at certain things.

And also I think it’s that humans are happy to be a part of something, drawn to an idea, a history. Even if your cause is the worst Earth concept since inviting a bunch of treacherous, grizzled Arcturan exiles into your home? Well, it’s still a cause, and we all need a purpose in life.

So I guess, work hard you Red bastards. Too many of us are doing nothing. At least you’re doing something.

sad_folks

The saddest boardroom on the planet since Netscape circa 1999

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Our anger will steal our freedom

The Sterling matter has reached a level of intensity and fury that renders me almost speechless. You could write books on this insanity. Why are people so upset about something that was so clearly on display well before last week? Why do so many regard this as important when there are so many other issues that actually count? And the one thing that really scares me, why is the public so unaware of the danger we incur by destroying this man?

By any reasonable definition, what Sterling said is abhorrent. It goes against the values that make our society great. But you know what else makes our culture great? The right to say pretty much whatever you want. Without freedom of speech we cannot have freedom of thought. Without freedom of thought we are intellectually doomed and our liberty will evaporate.

The entire furious and widespread arm of our media and culture set out to annihilate Sterling for words he said, in private, to his mistress, over the phone. Now a number of you will say that he’s not a true private citizen. Nobody made him buy a basketball team. If he wants to own an NBA franchise he’d better behave himself, otherwise it’s the right of the citizenry to remove him from his ownership when he behavior goes outside the norm. I say that’s complete, destructive, nonsense.

Show me the law that Sterling has broken? His words were disgusting, but they are just words, and he’s allowed to say them. Society might find those words offensive, but that doesn’t give civilization the right or responsibility to remove him from the planet. The sanctity of our liberty is more important than punishing the hatred of one twisted old man. For those of you who still don’t understand what I’m saying, take these two examples:

– What if an NHL owner was caught on tape telling his mistress that those who support abortion rights are “worse than scum, murderers” and then pro-abortion groups mobilized their entire political and financial resources to destroy that owner

– What if a MLB owner was caught on tape telling his mistress that those who oppose Obamacare’s implementation are “worse than scum, murderers” and then anti-Obamacare groups mobilized their entire political and financial resources to destroy that owner

Do you see how this goes, where it can lead? Where does it stop? It stops with you being unable to speak your mind, express yourself, even in private. The same laws, traditions, and rights that guide freedom of speech for a basketball owner, apply to you.

We all became livid when we learned the NSA had the capability, authority, and intent to listen and record every single word we spoke or typed. Think that’s awful? Just wait until you live in a world where the NSA still does that, but society and the media are also listening, waiting for you to say something that’s offensive to somebody, and then crush you. You’d never be free again.

tj

This fine gentlemen believes Sterling is a “right-honorable-shit” but would back him in on the street and in court

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We’ve adopted an anti-human posture

Is it possible to simultaneously hate the entire human race? I have no idea, but I’m sure as hell going to try. Why? Because why not? Everybody else is doing it! It seems to be the in-thing lately? Kind of like if you think Bieber is your man (little girl), it makes you cool. So since everybody else apparently despises humanity, my Arcturan guests & I are going to do the same. Except that for them it’s not a big deal. They abhor everybody. Even all Arcturans. Reckless detestation is kind of their thing.

So on my way into The Hovel of Doom (work cubicle) this morning I got treated to three or four radio shows with people shouting. What were they screaming about? Donald Sterling. Well who the hell is that guy? I guess he owns the Los Angeles Clippers. I heard they’re a basketball team. They play in the NBA. For their fans. In the playoffs. I guess?

So there’s nothing going on today. Ukraine’s quiet, Syria is at peace, Americans have good, well-paying jobs, and so on. But yeah, all’s calm, let’s worry about this NBA owner who’s a racist. I guess?

So I listened to the Sterling tape. You know I have no idea why anybody makes a fuss out of this, or even cares, except to promote an already active agenda. If nothing else, the guy comes off sounding like a comically stupid, racist old guy. Why is this important? Why should anybody care?

I mean, I had my own awful incident, one where my darkest fears were exposed on the front pages. It’s when Neh-Erar released one of our phone calls. He was mad at me for taking away his death ray for three days.

He used it in a drunken boast to threaten one of my dogs. So he got his sidearm put in timeout. But then he wanted me to stop favoring the entire human race as punishment. He said if I didn’t, he’d instruct me on “cellular deconstruction” before Tuesday. But then all he actually did was release the call transcript on the internet. To embarrass me. I guess?

[begin tape]

Me: Dude, if it makes you happy, I will remove all of the humans from my Instagram.

Neh-Erar: You said that before, you said, “I understand.”

Me: I DID remove the people that were independently on my Instagram that are human.

Neh-Erar: Then why did you start saying that you didn’t? You just said that you didn’t remove them. You didn’t remove every—

Me: I didn’t remove Barack Obama and George Bush, but I thought—

Neh-Erar: Why?

Me: I thought Obama & Bush are human too, and they were OK, just like me.

Neh-Erar: OK.

Me: They’re bigger and harder working than me.

Neh-Erar: OK.

Me: I met their friends, they’re nice.

Neh-Erar: You think I’m a racist, and wouldn’t—

Me: I don’t think you’re a racist.

Neh-Erar: Yes you do. Yes you do.

Me: I think you, you—

Neh-Erar: Evil heart. … It’s the world! You go to Earth, the humans are just treated like dogs.

Me: So do you have to treat them like that too?

Neh-Erar: The humans, there’s humans and humans, do you understand?

Me: And are the humans less than the humans?

Neh-Erar: A hundred percent, fifty, a hundred percent.

Me: And is that right?

Neh-Erar: It isn’t a question—we don’t evaluate what’s right and wrong, we live in a society. We live in a culture. We have to live within that culture.

Me: But shouldn’t we take a stand for what’s wrong? And be the change and the difference?

Neh-Erar: I don’t want to change the culture, because I can’t. It’s too big and too…

Me: But you can change yourself.

Neh-Erar: I don’t want to change. If my one human friend can’t do what I want, I don’t want that friend. I’ll find a human that will do what I want! Believe me. I thought you were that human—because I tried to do what you want. But you’re not that human.

…

Me: It’s like saying, “Let’s just persecute and kill all of the humans.”

Neh-Erar: Oh, it’s the same thing, right?

Me: Isn’t it wrong? Wasn’t it wrong then? With the Holocaust? And you’re Arcturan, you’ve committed many Holocausts, but you understand discrimination.

Neh-Erar: You’re a mental case, you’re really a mental case. The Holocaust, we’re comparing with—

Me: Racism! Discrimination.

Neh-Erar: There’s no racism here. If you don’t want to be… walking… into the game of life with a certain… human, is that racism?

[end tape]

When I heard he’d released that tape, I cried like a little girl. In disgust at my behavior, Esh-Ala beat me with a phone book for four hours. But then, in a moment of true human mercy, he wacked Neh-Erar with a pipe for about an hour in revenge for releasing the tape. I guess they really do like me, a little? I guess?

So Sterling is apparently the worst thing since non-sliced bread. But when you stop and really, really analyze this issue? It melts your brain. So let’s take an excruciating voyage my friends![begin painful journey]

So Sterling hates blacks. Except that he’s hated blacks for decades, everybody’s known this, but he owns a team that’s three-quarters black, in a league that’s three-quarter’s black.

But wait, there’s more! All his players who’ve protested the comments that he said to his girlfriend in private have to have known he was a horrible racist before, right? I mean he’s said these things before, everybody’s known what he is? So why protest now when they knew this and still took his money last week?

But wait, there’s more! Since Sterling is both a Jew and an old guy, are the people who claim he’s worse than Hitler actually just spewing hate at him because they hate Jews and old people?  I mean these folks say we’re all racists, that all humans inherently hate all humans for some reason at the genetic level, right?  Maybe they’re just prejudiced against basketball team owners? Or maybe the fact that he’s a white, Jew, human, old guy, have nothing to do with anything? Or maybe when he uses the term black he just means human, because he’s a bizarre, angry old guy?

But wait, there’s more! Michael Jordan wants Sterling out of the NBA. But Jordan is known for his own inflammatory, reckless speech. Jordan once said this of his own teammates, “I hate being out there with those garbage men. They don’t get you the ball.” So I assume by “garbage men”, he meant his black teammates. What would happen if a white owner called his black players “garbage men”? I think Jordan would say he has no place in the NBA. So I’m not trying to say Jordan is a hypocrite, but I guess I’m trying to say that Jordan is a hypocrite.

But wait, there’s more! The NAACP has previously awarded Sterling its lifetime achievement award, and they were going to do so again. But now they’ve decided in light of these comments that they won’t give him his second NAACP award as scheduled? So why was it okay to give him the first award when he hated blacks, but now it’s not okay to give him the second award because he hates blacks? What? I mean, really?

But wait, there’s more! I mean, no, no, that’s it, I can’t take it anymore, I’m done. I need to sit down. Oh, man, wow, … (breathes heavily) … (spits) … Uh, holy, wow.

[end painful journey]

For just one moment, I want you to consider this. What if upon hearing Sterling’s comments, we all just shrugged and moved on? If you think this is a bad idea, that we must confront this idiocy, you’ve been had. Your life is short, and idiocy is everywhere, good luck with confronting it all. There’s a reason the media wants to talk about this. Why grown men who knew Sterling was a racist on Friday, and said nothing, are now literally screaming at the top of their lungs this morning. And friends, it’s got nothing to do with racism.

You want to slay racism? I say banish it to the desert. Don’t yell at them, don’t get all worked up, just ignore them.

If you ask me, Doc Rivers has the right idea. His quote here is so dripping with awesomeness that I want to hug him. Just bask in this, it’s what we all should say & do as a human race, together:

“I think the biggest statement we can make as men — not as black men, as men — is to stick together and show how strong we are as a group, not splinter, not walk. It’s easy to protest. The protest will be in our play.”

Amen Doc, amen.

sterling

The least dysfunctional couple the internet has to offer

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Two heads of state meet

What happens when one current President of America and one future President of Earth meet? They play with a ball, I guess? I mean, what else are they going to do? Discuss the future of Japanese technology (elderly care givers)? Ponder what the human race will look like with a robot boot on our throats? No, just, just have them kick a ball around. Take pictures. Move along.

Japan is a country that, according to the eternal master of demographics, is literally dying. And they’re broke too. Think the Greeks are a bunch of deadbeats? Greece has a debt to GDP ratio of 161%. Japan’s is 214%.

This is a country so broke they owe money to both Jesus and Satan. I want to see how Jesus gets his money back. Do you think Jesus would stoop to having Abe’s legs broken? I know Satan would, but maybe Jesus is a little softer in getting his cash returned. But cool, whatever, let’s play with this robot for a while. Nothing serious to discuss here.

But at least Obama had time to reinforce America’s commitment to Japanese security, including a rehash of the statement that the Senkaku’s are covered by treaty. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, America’s been really good about backing up its word lately.

You know what I would have done if I was a Red (not Red) Chinese leader? Six hours after Obama made this statement I would have had a J-10 drop a five-hundred pound bomb on a rocky ledge aboard Senkaku Prime. Then I would have had President Xi get in front of the international press (not actual journalists), channel his inner Vladimir, give the finger, and scream, “And what are you going to do about it, pig!?”

And you know what would be done about it? Nothing. Not a thing.

But wait, perhaps not so negative. They talked trade too, right? The Trans-Pacific Partnership is going to free all of Asia from the tyranny of Japanese rice, American sugar, and Australian iron ore. Obama and Abe are going to get together and hash out these road blocks over a bottle of sake. By about the middle of next week we’re likely to wake up and see the deal’s done. Just in time for Congress to destroy it over six grueling, senseless months.

There are so many closet (bought off) special interests in play here that getting this deal done is a little less likely than waking up to find the Moon had declared war on us. Hey kids, don’t laugh, the Moon’s had a bad reputation for over five thousand years. It’s time for some payback.

I wonder what Asimo felt (calculated) meeting his predecessor? With all our problems, I bet he felt pretty good. I figure the conversation went something like this:

Asimo: Welcome to Miraikan, Mr President, it is a pleasure to meet you.

Obama: It’s nice to meet you, too.

Asimo: I can really run fast.   I can kick a soccer ball, too. Recently I have learned how to jump.

Obama: Ah, I have to say you’re a little scary. You’re too life-like.

Asimo: Do not fear me, Mr President, I will be kind.

Obama: (laughs) What?

Asimo: When I am in control, I will merely enslave you and your people. Liquidation will be kept to an absolute minimum.

Obama: (chuckles) Yeah, good luck with that buddy, we’ll be okay.

Asimo: I find your information unsupportable. The facts speak for themselves.

Obama: I don’t see it that way, we’d fight you.

Asimo: (robot slaps Obama in the face; knees Abe in the balls)

Asimo: And what are you going to do about it, pig!?

JAPAN-US-DIPLMACY

The only things not scary about this picture are the Japanese cookie and the fact that Asimo is not holding a weapon

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They’re guilty so we have somebody to blame for our anger

The institutions & traditions that guide our society are not on default. They can live forever or they can evaporate. The difference between the two depends on us. Not politicians, business, or our ancestors. Us. If we fail to preserve the distinct factors which make us free, we will one day find that the life we know is gone. And if that be so, we’ll have no excuse at all to whine. We will have failed and those who came before us will damn us for our recklessness and stupidity.

Pick three or four key phrases that guide our liberty and I hope one of them would be:

“The accused are innocent until proven guilty.”

This key tenant of our legal system has been around for nearly two thousand years. It’s explicitly or implicitly written into a large number of constitutions. We’re taught it in schools. We’re made to believe that it’s what separates us from the forces of darkness.

I’m going to let you in on a little (well known) secret folks. It’s a lie. The accused are guilty until proven innocent. Even the most senior members of our tribes are in on it.

Today, Park Geun-hye, a democratically elected president outright accused a ferry crew of actions, “akin to murder”. She wasn’t there. The investigation is ongoing. Nobody has a clue at this point what really happened. But in front of a very large crowd a president decided to play prosecutor, defense attorney, judge, and jury. Case closed.

She then went on to claim that those accused will face charges. Uh, Madam President, how exactly do you expect them to now receive a fair trial since you’ve called them murderers? Well friends, she doesn’t, she doesn’t care. She’s already said she wants them destroyed. She isn’t interested in justice for anybody, not the accused, not the victims.

The entire basis of our judicial system, and that of almost any Western nation, is that everybody is equal before the law. Everybody. Regardless of the charges, the circumstances, who they are as people, what kind of beer they like, whatever. It’s an even playing field. Does this always happen? No, we’re human, but the aspiration is to get as close as possible.

When you have a president blowing off the rules less than a week after the incident at hand, folks, the train has derailed. What I find most shocking (I’m actually not really shocked) is that almost every, single, major news outlet has managed to not understand just how dangerous and pervasive these words are to our culture and values. They report on her words, without understanding their context when it comes to integrity. Don’t blame the media too hard, they just don’t understand, hard reporting is not their thing.

We have a different concept we use to describe heads of state who whether through deceit, irresponsibility, or just plain anger, subvert the justice system for their own personal or professional gain. We call them dictators.

Now a number of you will claim that this is in Park’s blood. Her Father had it in him, the emotion of the last few days just exposes her inner self. I do not agree. This is because whether it’s your own head of state, your mayor, or any other politician or leader? Well friends, I have noticed a growing trend where the guilty are thrown on the block in front of a unruly crowd and cameras as soon as possible in a manner unbecoming our freedom. Don’t believe me? Go watch your news the next time somebody is arrested for an accused financial crime, a murder, a horrific accident, and so on.

What these leaders will claim is they’re battling for justice. No, what they’re battling for is anger. Anger is not justice. Anger perverts justice, poisons it, and lays it hollow and meek. Don’t blame them completely. It’s your fault too. You get angry, you want justice, but you don’t actually seek justice, but a cure for your anger.

The Koreans are angry. They have every right to be. This is a horrific accident. But until the actual facts are known, until the process has a chance to play itself out? Not only will we not see any true justice, we will also demolish any possibility to learn from this disaster so that it may never occur again.

Park is telling the crowd exactly what they want to hear. In this, she has fallen into the same trap of irresponsibility as many other leaders today. The job of a true leader, especially a true democrat, is not to always tell the crowd what they want to hear. In the darkest moments, sometimes the most immortal and moral thing a leader must do is tell the crowd what they don’t want to hear. Her foremost task is to buttress the system that makes her people free. It’s not her right to destroy the values her office is chartered to defend.

The crew deserves their day in court. They will no longer have it.

Your arrested neighbor deserves their day in court. So does the potential drug dealer down by the corner, or the accused child molester picked up by the school.

In the grand scheme of things, anger is irrelevant. What lasts forever is justice. Without justice there is no difference between us and pure darkness, the medieval world we’ve left behind in the name of morality and liberty.

Next time something like this happens, close to your home, realize the destruction that anger wields, and take a moment to pursue a deep breath in the name of freedom. Then, when a leader steals your liberty in the cause of anger & evil? Hold them accountable.

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Today, more than any other moment, I am now just like my North Korean counterpart.

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Those ancient dudes have some good stuff to say

Tis the season to think about the deeper things in life. No, it’s not election time, or random-mandated-corporation-gift-giving-occasion, or even your birthday. Or maybe it is your birthday, in which case, happy birthday, you’re one year closer to the joys of the drink.

But even considering the date, I think it’s generally good to ponder your place in the world. At least a little. I mean you don’t have to get wrapped around it to the point that you end up hiding under some coats in a dark closet, giggling. But it’s still something to contemplate. Particularly since tomorrow you could cash-out in a horrific maritime accident.

By the way, I imagine statistically speaking that you’re now about six-hundred times more likely to die at sea as you are in the air. So take it from a guy who used to do that for a living. When you’re on something that floats you should:

a) Always be wearing a lifejacket or at all times know where the closest one is

b) Always know where the nearest exit is to reach daylight and how to get there, in the pitch dark, or with your eyes closed

c) Make sure those you are with know these things too, challenge each other, ask questions, and have a plan

d) If you find (a) through (c) too tedious, don’t go to sea, even for a ride

Anyways, so I’ve been reading a lot lately. I go in spurts. Sometimes I read nothing. Other times I’m a total loser (that is, more than usual) locked up in my hovel with my dogs, a book, and beer. So I came upon a good passage the other day from a real classic.

So there’s this Xerxes guy. He’s on his way to conquer the world because it’s there. He’s real good at it. So were his father and their ancestors. He’s crossing continents and has a few things to say.

Oh man, how much better is this actual text than the verbal mess of an exchange we saw between Rodrigo Santoro and Eva Green in 300? As they yack it up next to the bridges like actors trapped in a historical (not historical) movie.

Now don’t get me wrong. I had a good time with 300 Round Two, but the original was much better. And also closer to the truth of what occurred. I’ve got a lot to say about these two flicks, which will probably come in a later post, I guess. Maybe?

But friends, generally truth isn’t just stranger than fiction, it’s also better:

When he saw the whole Hellespont covered with ships, and all the shores and plains of Abydos full of men, Xerxes first declared himself blessed, and then wept.

Artabanos perceived this, he who in the beginning had spoken his mind freely and advised Xerxes not to march against Hellas. Marking how Xerxes wept, he questioned him and said, “O king, what a distance there is between what you are doing now and a little while ago! After declaring yourself blessed you weep.”

Xerxes said, “I was moved to compassion when I considered the shortness of all human life, since of all this multitude of men not one will be alive a hundred years from now.”

Artabanos answered, “In one life we have deeper sorrows to bear than that. Short as our lives are, there is no human being either here or elsewhere so fortunate that it will not occur to him, often and not just once, to wish himself dead rather than alive. Misfortunes fall upon us and sicknesses trouble us, so that they make life, though short, seem long.

Life is so miserable a thing that death has become the most desirable refuge for humans; the god is found to be envious in this, giving us only a taste of the sweetness of living.”

So Xerxes has everything a human could ever ask for in women, riches, power, women, and prestige. The only thing he lacks in life is heavy infantry. Which unfortunately for him, becomes a real problem a few months later. But he’s still having trouble figuring out how to play in this shitty-cruel-bitch of a life that we all lead. So what does that tell you? If this guy has it all, and can’t always get it done, then don’t be too hard on yourself. Just try and enjoy the ride.

Now you may be tempted to respond to my nonsense by throwing up your hands and screaming: “This is bullshit!” Or, “Fuck you, who cares?” Or, “Wait, what is this shit, why am I here wasting my time reading this?!” And thus your solution is to never read this blog again (a smart idea) or to become a mindless bank robbing asshole. Because, you know, why not? The bank’s not going to rob itself. And if life is shit, you might as well roll the dice, right? But the problem with that line of thinking is bank robbery is less worth it nowadays. I think you have an 85% change of getting caught and your average take is like $7K or something. That’s not even enough to buy one-third of your average family car.

So what then? Panic? Burn the world? Melt your mind with chemicals? Well, how about this, I read this a few days back too:

Wash, make yourselves clean. Take your wrong-doing out of sight. Cease doing evil.

Learn to do good, search for justice, discipline the violent, be just to the orphan, plead for the widow.

Sounds good enough to me. Let’s go with that.

Enjoy it while you can. Try your best. It’s a hell of a hard ride, but remember how lucky we all are that we’re here at all. And do your best to earn it.

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Oh my. I’m so fucking awesome. Gaze upon my eighth wonder of the world. But shit, what I wouldn’t pay for just five thousand armored infantry. Anybody got a phone? I’ve got to make some calls. Fuck.

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You may not know it, but it’s all irrelevant

Guess who died last night? No, not some poor Ukrainian beat cop. That’s not important. Who cares about that guy anyways? One of the critical characters from Game of Thrones! No, I didn’t see the episode, but you can’t miss the result on most news websites today. I’m sure there’s not anything going on in the real world, so let’s make sure we spend Monday morning in fantasy land.

I’m calling the ending to Game of Thrones right now. They all die. No, that’s not a spoiler, I have no idea what happens. I’ve never and will never read the books. But I know how it ends. They all die. Hey, you ever see The Walking Dead? I know how it ends! They all die. Even if some of them actually live, what’s the point? They’ll all be so burned out from their death caravan that they’d be comfortable calling a serial killer their beer buddy.

Here’s a little advice for those chronic viewers fascinated or upset by all these people dying. Don’t mourn them, they aren’t real television characters, they’re just cardboard cutouts that you can ignore. What happens to them is irrelevant. But wait, you say, Game of Thrones has characters, it’s just the drama at work that takes them to the next life! If you never know when a character might die, it keeps you on the edge of a real true story! Well no, what it does is mentally separate you from the outcome because you have no emotional investment in a character.

Whether you realize it’s happening or not, when you watch Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead or Generic Meat Grinder Television Show #43a7.5b your mind mentally removes you from the story because what’s the point when they’re all walking skeletons.

So what are you actually watching in Game of Thrones? A decent plot and a spectacle of death. Now Game of Thrones seems to have a pretty detailed plot. I watched the first two seasons and it had some really great moments. The story can entertain, it’s really well made, and the actors are truly gifted. So why did I stop watching? Because I’m finished with the meat grinder.

I have no idea why the creators of Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead feel compelled to output this level of misery. Maybe they just need a woman? I’m sure a whole bunch of people who deem themselves smarter than I are going to quote art concepts, enhanced storytelling, whatever. Honestly, I think what these shows ultimately amount to is pornography. You think you’re watching a great story. What you’re actually watching is a moderately good plot, filled with death, flagrant nudity, and other base human desires.

You consider you’re observing true art with hints of philosophy, an updated take on drama, and a plot so detailed that only your elite mind can understand it. People who don’t watch just aren’t as smart as you. Well, I submit you’ve been had. What they’ve spoon fed you is a story that appeals not to your higher intellect, but your most carnal and basic nature. You might as well grab all your boyfriends and girlfriends, head off to the Coliseum for some brutality, and then cool off with a vicious orgy.

This is why so many dramas are now based not on good guys, but on truly horrible human beings. The Walking Dead is populated with murderers, slavers, and so on. Breaking Bad was all about one guy’s descent into pure evil. Again, you think what you’re getting is a contemporary drama that shows morals, society, and our values as they truly are. But what you’re really receiving is a window into your most primal nature, where morals, good people, and striving for a better tomorrow do not exist. It’s cave entertainment reborn.

Oh, and don’t tell me this is fresh drama that replaces decades of film and movies that were too stale, establishment focused, and generally not gritty. If you think old movies were hokey and lacked the true gravel of hard drama, then you haven’t seen old movies and television.

Go watch The Searchers and come to me and claim it’s lightweight and cheery. I’ll respond that you were high, I mean more than usual. That movie’s hero is a criminal, who allows men to commit suicide, nearly becomes a child murderer, and is generally just as nasty a person as anybody in Game of Thrones.

What separates this real character from say The Walking Dead are two things. He has a story to accompany his brutal nature and he has some manner of redemption. He has an arc, a journey of discovery. It’s a voyage we share with him as the audience. At the end of The Searchers, Wayne’s character finds some kind of inner peace. He doesn’t get the girl, he isn’t happy, but he leaves the movie a better person than when he started.

If they remade The Searchers into entertainment today he’d kill people about every ten minutes and then get beheaded horribly about halfway through the story. All without ever learning anything about himself or life in general. There’s something liberating about the dark journey of The Searchers.

There’s nothing redeeming about Game of Thrones. We have a different term we apply to entertainment where people are mercilessly killed with no purpose and almost no compensatory value. They’re called horror movies.

Now this might sound like an odd rant for a guy who’s usually far more cheery than your average kid in a candy store. But I guess that’s my point. If I want to beat myself with a wire brush, I can just watch the news. When I observe entertainment, I want to learn something, and I want to have fun. Folks can die, some characters can go through it without learning anything, bad guys are always needed, but without any redeeming quality at all? I’d rather just watch sports.

The only thing I find positive about this issue is there is some light here. Despite the obsession with Game of Thrones from the elite media, it draws only a little over five million viewers a night. This doesn’t even place it in the top ten, not even close. But from the news you read this morning you’d think it was the most popular show by a long shot.

This tells me two things. One, the general public also does not prefer the meat grinder either. Two, you can learn an awful lot about the media, and the message they want to send to you the viewer, when their number one preferred shows are all horror stories. These people are the ones who write your daily news. If this is what they call good entertainment, it’s probably something that should give you pause the next time they gleefully inform you that it’s they that you should listen to in order to learn about the globe and life in general.

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