Some things just don’t work. Square shaped wheels went out of style five thousand years ago. You can’t go buy a shoe that’s made out of lit matchsticks. Trying to brush your teeth with a live squirrel will result in an unfavorable outcome.

Yet, in the finest of human traditions to generally never give up on anything, some folks just can’t respond to reality. And so, for whatever reason, I was rather surprised to hear there’s still an active Communist Party USA:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26126325

Is there still a Nazi Party USA? I mean, not the Klan or some other poser gang, but the real Nazi Party USA? Like back in the Thirties when they marched in uniform? I’m afraid the NSA, my mistress, and the Wall Street Journal are monitoring my internet. So I’m not going to search for “Nazi Party USA” in my browser. Either that or I’m just lazy. Either way, I have no idea if they still exist too.

Anyways, even after over a century of abject economic failure, several bouts of wildly fun genocide, and generally just laughable outcomes there are apparently three-thousand Americans who, for whatever reason, still believe in a future that will never exist. Chairman Sam Webb, yeah, he’s actually called Chairman, says:

“The longer-term goal”, says Webb, is “the communist society, the ending of all class divisions, a society of equality, the withering away of the state”.

In other words Chairman Webb believes in witchcraft and the ability to completely alter human nature at the genetic level. Good for him. It’s beneficial to have ambitions in life, even if they’re less achievable than going to the Moon with your car, drunk, before lunch.

Even the world’s former Red A-Team have all woken up to how the universe works. Depending on how you measure things, Russia, China, and Cuba are probably more capitalist than half the capitalist world. And our North Korean friends, well, there’s no political ideology associated with an oligarchy that rules things in a manner that even Stalin would find “rather aggressive”.

I also don’t understand why the BBC is talking to these folks? With only 3K members it means the Reds have less activity than the Handweavers Guild of America. But the real question you should be asking yourself is why am I talking about why the BBC is talking about the Communists? Look, don’t ask me hard questions friends, you’ll just get scared by the creepy, bizarre responses.

I guess I’m just fascinated at why a free thinking human would offer their time and money for something like this. I guess the only conclusion I can draw is that people are idiots. Now we’re all morons, I know I am, but these guys are at the outer edge. Good for them, it’s neat to be the best at certain things.

And also I think it’s that humans are happy to be a part of something, drawn to an idea, a history. Even if your cause is the worst Earth concept since inviting a bunch of treacherous, grizzled Arcturan exiles into your home? Well, it’s still a cause, and we all need a purpose in life.

So I guess, work hard you Red bastards. Too many of us are doing nothing. At least you’re doing something.

The saddest boardroom on the planet since Netscape circa 1999