Category Archives: America

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Without local news, Weather would abduct your kids & burn your home

Every once and a while the media shows their true arrogance and the general contempt they hold for you. It doesn’t often occur, but when it does, you really get a clear view of their intent and attitude toward the rest of the human race.

The News Stormtrooper of the Week Award goes to Nancy Naeve of South Dakota in her belligerent rant against the common viewer for getting upset that tornado storm coverage displaced their favorite shows:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/13/nancy-naeve-tornado_n_5318675.html

Now I’m all about the typical belligerent rant. I cleanse my soul with it. But this is beyond wrong.

Nancy’s taken it upon herself to tell the audience what’s best for them. I guess because she thinks her viewers are too irresponsible to protect themselves. She says she’s on the air to “save people’s lives”. This is to imply that if her network didn’t conduct a special weather broadcast, that she believes people would actually die.

I would think that generally folks like firefighters and rescue workers save lives. Not some news anchor sitting behind a desk. I guess I’m just confused. I wonder if she realizes tornados have existed since the dawn of man? Or that there are dozens of other means by which an individual can receive information about severe weather? How stupid does she think the average viewer is that if her precious news show did not occur, somebody would actually get themselves killed?

So at the core of her argument is this “gets me mad” because the public backlash is interrupting her ability to “saving lives, literally”. But in order to accept her line of thinking, we’d have to assume that her network conducts this coverage in order to save lives. Well, unfortunately for Nancy, this isn’t why her station does this.

The networks do storms to get your cash via an increase in overall watchers. They’re not necessarily in it for your protection, that’s just a symptom of the larger goal. The primary objective is profit. Nancy is in the television industry, she has to know this is the reason for special weather programs. So she’s either a conceited liar (very possible) or just a naïve reporter (probably the real reason).

I’m going to give Nancy the benefit of the doubt and say she’s just foolish. She was brought up in this system. They taught her what she needed to believe to succeed in the news business. Her paycheck is stamped by the executive who generated this bright idea to increase viewers and advertising revenue. So don’t be too hard on her that she thinks she’s just as important as a firefighter who genuinely risks their life and future every single day.

Now you’ll usually notice they don’t air commercials during these special storm events. So you’ll claim the absence of ads during heavy weather indicates it’s not about the money. Wrong. The reason they don’t typically show commercials is so you are tricked into believing it’s about your safety first. When it isn’t.

What they’re after in these unique situations is not your cash, not yet, but your trust. They are trying to conn you into believing that they have your health at heart in the most extreme of circumstances. That you can rely upon them. Once they have your trust, the assumption is they’ll forever have your eyes for standard daily news. Then they can take your cash.

But wait, there’s more. If it was truly just about your welfare, all they would do is put a little warning banner on the bottom of the screen that flashed active tornado danger areas. When do they normally do this? During football games. They’ll kick Once Upon a Time off the air any day, but never the Vikings in South Dakota. Why?

Because the business model has determined that their profit tradeoff is not favorable if they kick off an NFL game, thus the small warning banner. But they’ll remove an average rated show because their metrics stipulate this is worth the increase in viewers against those who get pissed off their favorite drama just got bumped. But if it was really just about ensuring you’re safe? Then they’d boot even the NFL game off the air wouldn’t they? But they won’t.

Now friends, you might think I’m being too extreme, again? Well, I invite you to search online and view multiple news stories about what Nancy said. Look across several media publications. They’re all giving her a round of applause like she’s just resurrected Jesus’ ghost.

Why do they love her so much? It’s not because she’s “saving lives, literally”. It’s because all the folks reporting on her have brains just like her. What she thinks about you is what they think about you. Please remember this the next time one of them tells you with their deity-like guidance that they know what’s best for you, your family, or your country.

Next time they boot your favorite show off the air, don’t e-mail the network profanity or death threats, send them this:

Thank you for your attention, but I have checked my weather smartphone app and have all the information I require. Please turn my favorite show back on.

or

We appreciate your efforts to think for us, but my town has a siren that will produce any weather warnings I require while I watch my favorite shows. Speaking of which, could you please put my favorite show back on.

or

I have walked onto my porch and determined via my own eyes the current status of the weather. Your concern is not required or desired. Please put my favorite show back on or I’ll watch another network that does not treat me like I’m five.

1400034136000-naeve

More disrespectful to your overall wellbeing than a Class V twister

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You may go now

So how’s it going to end for Johnny Football? Super Bowl? Horrific injury? Decent career? Blazing failure? Blimp attack? No, not really. It’s going to go a lot quieter than that.

Everybody remember Tim Tebow? I’m sure you don’t know who he is. He was a rather obscure, unknown athlete. This guy exited the stage with a whimper. I don’t even know where he is right now. Maybe he works as a sports guy somewhere, but he could also be collecting recycling for a living in Gary, Indiana for all anybody knows. It’ll go the same for Johnny.

In the calm, measured, silent-movie comedy Tombstone, there’s a delightful scene up-front where Val Kilmer releases Johnny Tyler (who is bizarrely played by Billy Bob Thornton) whose presence is no longer relevant to the conversation with:

“Oh. Johnny I apologize I forgot you were there. [wave of hand] You may go now.”

It’s the most deliciously condescending, dismissive line in film history. It is impossible to watch that scene too many times.

You can’t argue that Manziel has talent. Unfortunately the powers of his brain just don’t match the freak awesome physical nature. A bunch of you are willing to overlook his immaturity and somewhat criminal behavior and disregard it as a young guy doing what they do.

Unfortunately, the rules of a traditional college dude don’t apply for Manziel. And neither do they apply to the Browns. He isn’t going to play wide receiver. He’s the starting quarterback. He requires the greatest maturity, leadership, and work ethic on the team. Manziel just doesn’t have that. Not now, not ten years from now. Particularly when our blessed media friends aren’t going to let him get his mail without shoving ten cameras in his face.

But because Manziel is such a physical masterpiece, teams are going to be inclined to give him a shot. This is a league where true starting quarterbacks exist on only half the teams. And so let the musical roundup begin. When the Browns have woken up to their blinding failure, he’ll get a shot with someone else. And then another team will give it a go, and so on. All up until the last moment, with the last team, where the assistant-deputy-offensive-line-coach will look over, realize Johnny’s apparently still there, and discharge him from the NFL with:

“Oh. Johnny I apologize I forgot you were there. [wave of hand] You may go now.”

johnny_day

He has about two years to grow up, or grow old

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Uncle Vladimir is a winner

We want to be led by a wise & just person right? Somebody who is smart, honest, and has a sense of duty? Maybe we’re on the wrong track. Maybe we need to vote for the asshole that has the power to get things done.

Vladimir Putin is a winner, which is not necessarily to say that his opponents are losers. But certainly Vlad’s adversaries are failures. But I also don’t mean winner in the sense that Vlad’s won a vodka-fueled-bar-brawl, although I’m sure he’d kick somebody ass. By winner, I mean somebody who has the power to enforce their will upon reality. A man who gets things done.

So in this context, you would call Hitler and Stalin winners too, even though they were deliciously-evil, disgusting-human-freaks who ultimately lost. And even when the winner is a Western good guy, don’t try and make them a saint. A true Abraham Lincoln is a once in a millennium occurrence. Think of a guy like Churchill. Churchill was a winner, but he also said and did some very dumb things in his day. But the point is that overall, he got things done.

Look at all of Vlad’s counterparts: Cameron, Merkel, Obama, & Hollande. Everybody’s got their opinion on these folks. In my mind, people have the broader impressions of them all wrong. Everybody wants to mark up Cameron over immigration, Merkel on the Euro crisis, Obama on health care, or Hollande on taxes. Folks, I think in general, you’re all missing the point. Any one issue obscures a singular core problem with all four of them:

They generally don’t get things done.

If you want to argue with me that any of them are getting things done, at least domestically, just comment below or e-mail me and I’ll demolish your argument. For the moment we’re just going to accept that I’m right, because I am, when I say all four of these folks just don’t have it. You could conceivably argue that all four of them are smart, honest, and are propelled by true duty. Yet, they don’t have it, they’re losers.

Vlad has it, he’s a winner. He wanted Crimea, he got it. He wanted a destabilized Ukraine, he got it. He wanted to end this crisis with him firmly in control of future events, and he most certainly has that. Friends, don’t be fooled by the empty suits in the West when they assure you they deflated this crisis via their meek actions. Ukraine does not belong to Russia this morning only because Vlad generally knows when to quit while he’s ahead.

We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again. Love Vlad or hate him (we hate him), you have to at least admire a guy who knows what he wants, generally speaks his mind, and then backs up every single word he says. When in doubt, you bet on the guy you can rely upon. Even if I was a pro-Russian separatist in Donetsk, and Vlad sold me out yesterday by somewhat endorsing national elections? Well, I’d still side with Russia. Because twenty years from now I’d still trust that Vlad, or his appointed successor, would be there for me. Whereas the West will not.

So the question then becomes why the others are such losers. Well, I have three thoughts that come to mind off the top of my head:

– The Media

Essentially, we need to destroy Western media as we know it and start over. Vlad barely cares what the media thinks, or manipulates the message to his own ends by beating the journalists at their own sick game. The era of the sound bite, twenty-four hour news, gotcha questions, and militantly partisan trash is not designed to increase voter awareness. It’s designed to sell advertising.

When one of the most basic arms of a functioning democracy is primarily focused not on keeping government honest, but on selling things, then we have a huge problem. Western leaders are trapped in this cycle. Every decision they make is funneled through the lens of how it will play in this tortured media environment. This does not make for healthy decision making. It does not encourage the kind of risk taking you occasionally require from leaders.

– Politics

More and more, the leaders of the West are professional politicians. They have never done anything else. Cameron, Merkel, Obama, & Hollande at one point did other things, but everything substantial they have ever done in life was a job for or about politics. This establishes a very narrow focus, a worldview that does not conform to reality. They can’t get things done in the real world because they’ve never lived in the real world.

If politics is a game, they are trying to lead as if they are in a game. But the world is not a game, it’s a cruel bitch and they don’t know how to play it. Vlad grew up strangling people in Dresden back alleys for a living. The other four grew up in classrooms or smoke-filled (no longer smoke filled) political back rooms. Vlad had to get things done or he’d get fired or executed. They had to please their political masters with some obscure, unknown political action that nobody cared about or got to see. Pit them against each other in the real world, and we shouldn’t have been surprised at the outcome.

– Apathy

You get the leader you vote for. Nothing about Cameron, Merkel, Obama, & Hollande is generally a surprise to the world. These four turned out roughly as anybody could have predicted if you knew who they were before they were elected. The voters make the call, they bought what they got. The public put four career politicians in charge of their lives. The public also lives with a dirty news media that they still watch and read. The results speak for themselves.

But look at who could replace these four? All four leaders (or big men) of the opposition are exactly the same. Miliband, Steinbruck, Boehner, and Cope are all cut from the same cloth. They all have their hard core supporters, but the overall problem is just apathy. Apathy as in the eight folks on offer to lead the West are all the same. They don’t get things done. And nobody seems to care. Put Miliband, Steinbruck, Boehner, or Cope in charge tomorrow, and nothing, I mean nothing truly changes.

As a reminder, Vlad is an elected leader. The election was rigged, but even if Russian elections were free and fair, he’d still win. The Russian people picked a winner, the West picked losers. Take that as your basis, and a lot of what’s happening in the world today really makes sense.

vlad_may_parade

One successful leader, aware of history, propelled by action, adored by his people

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Apparently, your local business hates money

Everybody says customer service is dead. No, they’ve exhumed the body, burned it, shot it in the head, and then walked away without reburial. Maybe it’s always been like this? Perhaps two-thousand years ago folks were experiencing the same frustration as I?

All I need is to have three-figures worth of work done on my hovel. I can’t do it myself because I’m not a master plumber. And I’m also an idiot. It’s simple, but requires an expert. Yet after a month of trying to get over a dozen potential companies involved, I have no reasonable estimates in hand. None. I’m not trying to get my plumbing to spit gold leaf. I just need like two hours worth of work done.

Last night I mentioned these facts to my exiled guests, who were heavily intoxicated. They agreed that this was probably a longstanding human trait, and for whatever reason, agreed to help me investigate trends throughout history. They have a room they keep only for themselves. I don’t go in there because I value my dogs’ safety. So twice during the evening, one of them walked into that room, and then emerged with a tale. They claimed they observed these stories via “confrontational destructive time travel” in an attempt to “watch you scum in your proper primitive state”.

 

– Luoyang, circa 173

Customer: Good afternoon Sir, I’d like to have my iron dagger repaired. The hilt has become damaged in an unfortunate accident.

Proprietor: Ah, let me take a look. … Yes, yes, well I might be able to get to it in about three weeks or so.

Customer: Uh, do you think you could get to it a little sooner? I need it to stay alive. The latest bout of eunuch inspired intrigue has made this a rough town recently.

Proprietor: Hey, I’m a busy man, I get to it when I get to it. You’re not the only one with ongoing issues.

Customer: Could you go a little faster? Can we work something out?

Proprietor: Listen jerk, I work for a living, what do you do?

Customer: Work for a living.

Proprietor: Two and a half weeks, that’s the best I can do.

Customer: Well, maybe I’ll take my business somewhere else.

Proprietor: Yeah, you go ahead, I don’t care, nobody else does my work.

Customer: You’re insane, there’s like six weapons stalls in this alley alone.

Proprietor: Hey! Kiss my ass buddy, who do you think you are anyways?

Customer: Okay, see you later.

Proprietor: Yeah, fuck you, fuck your mother.

 

– Rome circa 249

Customer: Good morning Sir, I’d like to have some work done on my household plumbing.

Proprietor: I don’t do that kind of work, ask somebody else.

Customer: Your shingle shows you’re a plumber?

Proprietor: Yeah, but I don’t do that, I’ve got other stuff to do.

Customer: But you were recommended by a respectable knight of the empire I know.

Proprietor: Hey, you don’t tell me what I do, okay buddy? I don’t want to work on your pipes.

Customer: Okay, I’ll just go hire somebody else I guess.

Proprietor: No, no, wait, so sorry, bad fish this morning, ah, how about next Tuesday between high sun and late sun. I come by and check it out? Maybe it’s an aqueduct transfer problem?

Customer: I’ll have to check with my overlord and see if I can get off then?

Proprietor: What? You Gaul pig, what are you talking about? I can only be there around noon. You’ll be there.

Customer: I need to work too, I make sandals for the guy. It’s hard work but pays fairly well.

Proprietor: No, I need to work, on your pipes. You’ll be there because that’s when I’ll be there. Who the fuck do you think you are?

Customer: Can’t you come by in the early evening, after I get back from work? That’d be better for my schedule. It would take you five minutes to look at it. Then, if we decide to do business, I can take off work later.

Proprietor: [throws chair] Get the fuck out of my shop pig! Get the fuck out of here!

 

So I was delightfully amazed at how similar my experiences were to those of two ancient empires. I loved the tales, and felt a lot better that it wasn’t just our time that had degenerated into insanity. I bought into this as reality, and thanked my guests for their kind acts.

But then they all started laughing, laughing so hard they started to cry. I’d of course been had. They can’t travel through time, nobody can. Who knew? Not me, not at all. So then they beat me with a discarded windshield wiper for four hours so I would remember to be less gullible in the future. I doubt it’ll work. And in any case, they’ll just find another reason to beat me, it’s their thing.

Anyways, apparently, my local plumbers just hate money. Because they certainly don’t want mine, or anybody else’s as far as I can determine. Here are just a few examples of the inexplicable behavior I’ve observed over the last few weeks:

– The inability to return a phone call

– Telling me on the phone that they don’t do the work their website says they do

– Not returning a call for two weeks, and then calling multiple times in one morning, and leaving belligerent voicemails about how I won’t answer my phone

– They schedule a firm appointment, I schedule time off with work, but then they call back one hour later and say they made the appointment in error and need to reschedule

– They don’t understand why I have to check with my work to be at home during normal working hours, and get loudmouthed when I ask if they can come late afternoon or on the weekend. You see, they say, they don’t work outside of normal working hours. I guess they expect nobody works except them?

– Calling inside the active four hour window of the appointment, after I already took off work, and saying they can’t make it, and then getting angry when I refuse to reschedule

– When actually on site, refusing to listen to what I need, and instead proposing hair-brained, expensive solutions that have nothing to do with the problem at hand

So there you go, live the dream. By the way, that’s seven different, independent companies right there. That’s not one company doing multiple stupid things. Most of them got great reviews online. This tells me, like most things, that online reviews are rigged. There’s more, but I’m tired. Like I said, I’ve tried about a dozen guys. At this point, I’m probably just going to bash my pipes with a bat and see if that somehow solves the problem. I mean why not? What could go wrong?

So if you run a business, and you can somehow not do the seven things I’ve listed above? Then friends, lucky you, because it means you’re ahead of a least 95% of your competitors. Let it ride.

super-mario-brothers-06-s

At this point, I’d hire these assholes to do the work because at least one of them is motivated to accomplish things

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Thoughtless denial is delightful to watch

Some things just don’t work. Square shaped wheels went out of style five thousand years ago. You can’t go buy a shoe that’s made out of lit matchsticks. Trying to brush your teeth with a live squirrel will result in an unfavorable outcome.

Yet, in the finest of human traditions to generally never give up on anything, some folks just can’t respond to reality. And so, for whatever reason, I was rather surprised to hear there’s still an active Communist Party USA:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26126325

Is there still a Nazi Party USA? I mean, not the Klan or some other poser gang, but the real Nazi Party USA? Like back in the Thirties when they marched in uniform? I’m afraid the NSA, my mistress, and the Wall Street Journal are monitoring my internet. So I’m not going to search for “Nazi Party USA” in my browser. Either that or I’m just lazy. Either way, I have no idea if they still exist too.

Anyways, even after over a century of abject economic failure, several bouts of wildly fun genocide, and generally just laughable outcomes there are apparently three-thousand Americans who, for whatever reason, still believe in a future that will never exist. Chairman Sam Webb, yeah, he’s actually called Chairman, says:

“The longer-term goal”, says Webb, is “the communist society, the ending of all class divisions, a society of equality, the withering away of the state”.

In other words Chairman Webb believes in witchcraft and the ability to completely alter human nature at the genetic level. Good for him. It’s beneficial to have ambitions in life, even if they’re less achievable than going to the Moon with your car, drunk, before lunch.

Even the world’s former Red A-Team have all woken up to how the universe works. Depending on how you measure things, Russia, China, and Cuba are probably more capitalist than half the capitalist world. And our North Korean friends, well, there’s no political ideology associated with an oligarchy that rules things in a manner that even Stalin would find “rather aggressive”.

I also don’t understand why the BBC is talking to these folks? With only 3K members it means the Reds have less activity than the Handweavers Guild of America. But the real question you should be asking yourself is why am I talking about why the BBC is talking about the Communists? Look, don’t ask me hard questions friends, you’ll just get scared by the creepy, bizarre responses.

I guess I’m just fascinated at why a free thinking human would offer their time and money for something like this. I guess the only conclusion I can draw is that people are idiots. Now we’re all morons, I know I am, but these guys are at the outer edge. Good for them, it’s neat to be the best at certain things.

And also I think it’s that humans are happy to be a part of something, drawn to an idea, a history. Even if your cause is the worst Earth concept since inviting a bunch of treacherous, grizzled Arcturan exiles into your home? Well, it’s still a cause, and we all need a purpose in life.

So I guess, work hard you Red bastards. Too many of us are doing nothing. At least you’re doing something.

sad_folks

The saddest boardroom on the planet since Netscape circa 1999

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Our anger will steal our freedom

The Sterling matter has reached a level of intensity and fury that renders me almost speechless. You could write books on this insanity. Why are people so upset about something that was so clearly on display well before last week? Why do so many regard this as important when there are so many other issues that actually count? And the one thing that really scares me, why is the public so unaware of the danger we incur by destroying this man?

By any reasonable definition, what Sterling said is abhorrent. It goes against the values that make our society great. But you know what else makes our culture great? The right to say pretty much whatever you want. Without freedom of speech we cannot have freedom of thought. Without freedom of thought we are intellectually doomed and our liberty will evaporate.

The entire furious and widespread arm of our media and culture set out to annihilate Sterling for words he said, in private, to his mistress, over the phone. Now a number of you will say that he’s not a true private citizen. Nobody made him buy a basketball team. If he wants to own an NBA franchise he’d better behave himself, otherwise it’s the right of the citizenry to remove him from his ownership when he behavior goes outside the norm. I say that’s complete, destructive, nonsense.

Show me the law that Sterling has broken? His words were disgusting, but they are just words, and he’s allowed to say them. Society might find those words offensive, but that doesn’t give civilization the right or responsibility to remove him from the planet. The sanctity of our liberty is more important than punishing the hatred of one twisted old man. For those of you who still don’t understand what I’m saying, take these two examples:

– What if an NHL owner was caught on tape telling his mistress that those who support abortion rights are “worse than scum, murderers” and then pro-abortion groups mobilized their entire political and financial resources to destroy that owner

– What if a MLB owner was caught on tape telling his mistress that those who oppose Obamacare’s implementation are “worse than scum, murderers” and then anti-Obamacare groups mobilized their entire political and financial resources to destroy that owner

Do you see how this goes, where it can lead? Where does it stop? It stops with you being unable to speak your mind, express yourself, even in private. The same laws, traditions, and rights that guide freedom of speech for a basketball owner, apply to you.

We all became livid when we learned the NSA had the capability, authority, and intent to listen and record every single word we spoke or typed. Think that’s awful? Just wait until you live in a world where the NSA still does that, but society and the media are also listening, waiting for you to say something that’s offensive to somebody, and then crush you. You’d never be free again.

tj

This fine gentlemen believes Sterling is a “right-honorable-shit” but would back him in on the street and in court

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We’ve adopted an anti-human posture

Is it possible to simultaneously hate the entire human race? I have no idea, but I’m sure as hell going to try. Why? Because why not? Everybody else is doing it! It seems to be the in-thing lately? Kind of like if you think Bieber is your man (little girl), it makes you cool. So since everybody else apparently despises humanity, my Arcturan guests & I are going to do the same. Except that for them it’s not a big deal. They abhor everybody. Even all Arcturans. Reckless detestation is kind of their thing.

So on my way into The Hovel of Doom (work cubicle) this morning I got treated to three or four radio shows with people shouting. What were they screaming about? Donald Sterling. Well who the hell is that guy? I guess he owns the Los Angeles Clippers. I heard they’re a basketball team. They play in the NBA. For their fans. In the playoffs. I guess?

So there’s nothing going on today. Ukraine’s quiet, Syria is at peace, Americans have good, well-paying jobs, and so on. But yeah, all’s calm, let’s worry about this NBA owner who’s a racist. I guess?

So I listened to the Sterling tape. You know I have no idea why anybody makes a fuss out of this, or even cares, except to promote an already active agenda. If nothing else, the guy comes off sounding like a comically stupid, racist old guy. Why is this important? Why should anybody care?

I mean, I had my own awful incident, one where my darkest fears were exposed on the front pages. It’s when Neh-Erar released one of our phone calls. He was mad at me for taking away his death ray for three days.

He used it in a drunken boast to threaten one of my dogs. So he got his sidearm put in timeout. But then he wanted me to stop favoring the entire human race as punishment. He said if I didn’t, he’d instruct me on “cellular deconstruction” before Tuesday. But then all he actually did was release the call transcript on the internet. To embarrass me. I guess?

[begin tape]

Me: Dude, if it makes you happy, I will remove all of the humans from my Instagram.

Neh-Erar: You said that before, you said, “I understand.”

Me: I DID remove the people that were independently on my Instagram that are human.

Neh-Erar: Then why did you start saying that you didn’t? You just said that you didn’t remove them. You didn’t remove every—

Me: I didn’t remove Barack Obama and George Bush, but I thought—

Neh-Erar: Why?

Me: I thought Obama & Bush are human too, and they were OK, just like me.

Neh-Erar: OK.

Me: They’re bigger and harder working than me.

Neh-Erar: OK.

Me: I met their friends, they’re nice.

Neh-Erar: You think I’m a racist, and wouldn’t—

Me: I don’t think you’re a racist.

Neh-Erar: Yes you do. Yes you do.

Me: I think you, you—

Neh-Erar: Evil heart. … It’s the world! You go to Earth, the humans are just treated like dogs.

Me: So do you have to treat them like that too?

Neh-Erar: The humans, there’s humans and humans, do you understand?

Me: And are the humans less than the humans?

Neh-Erar: A hundred percent, fifty, a hundred percent.

Me: And is that right?

Neh-Erar: It isn’t a question—we don’t evaluate what’s right and wrong, we live in a society. We live in a culture. We have to live within that culture.

Me: But shouldn’t we take a stand for what’s wrong? And be the change and the difference?

Neh-Erar: I don’t want to change the culture, because I can’t. It’s too big and too…

Me: But you can change yourself.

Neh-Erar: I don’t want to change. If my one human friend can’t do what I want, I don’t want that friend. I’ll find a human that will do what I want! Believe me. I thought you were that human—because I tried to do what you want. But you’re not that human.

…

Me: It’s like saying, “Let’s just persecute and kill all of the humans.”

Neh-Erar: Oh, it’s the same thing, right?

Me: Isn’t it wrong? Wasn’t it wrong then? With the Holocaust? And you’re Arcturan, you’ve committed many Holocausts, but you understand discrimination.

Neh-Erar: You’re a mental case, you’re really a mental case. The Holocaust, we’re comparing with—

Me: Racism! Discrimination.

Neh-Erar: There’s no racism here. If you don’t want to be… walking… into the game of life with a certain… human, is that racism?

[end tape]

When I heard he’d released that tape, I cried like a little girl. In disgust at my behavior, Esh-Ala beat me with a phone book for four hours. But then, in a moment of true human mercy, he wacked Neh-Erar with a pipe for about an hour in revenge for releasing the tape. I guess they really do like me, a little? I guess?

So Sterling is apparently the worst thing since non-sliced bread. But when you stop and really, really analyze this issue? It melts your brain. So let’s take an excruciating voyage my friends![begin painful journey]

So Sterling hates blacks. Except that he’s hated blacks for decades, everybody’s known this, but he owns a team that’s three-quarters black, in a league that’s three-quarter’s black.

But wait, there’s more! All his players who’ve protested the comments that he said to his girlfriend in private have to have known he was a horrible racist before, right? I mean he’s said these things before, everybody’s known what he is? So why protest now when they knew this and still took his money last week?

But wait, there’s more! Since Sterling is both a Jew and an old guy, are the people who claim he’s worse than Hitler actually just spewing hate at him because they hate Jews and old people?  I mean these folks say we’re all racists, that all humans inherently hate all humans for some reason at the genetic level, right?  Maybe they’re just prejudiced against basketball team owners? Or maybe the fact that he’s a white, Jew, human, old guy, have nothing to do with anything? Or maybe when he uses the term black he just means human, because he’s a bizarre, angry old guy?

But wait, there’s more! Michael Jordan wants Sterling out of the NBA. But Jordan is known for his own inflammatory, reckless speech. Jordan once said this of his own teammates, “I hate being out there with those garbage men. They don’t get you the ball.” So I assume by “garbage men”, he meant his black teammates. What would happen if a white owner called his black players “garbage men”? I think Jordan would say he has no place in the NBA. So I’m not trying to say Jordan is a hypocrite, but I guess I’m trying to say that Jordan is a hypocrite.

But wait, there’s more! The NAACP has previously awarded Sterling its lifetime achievement award, and they were going to do so again. But now they’ve decided in light of these comments that they won’t give him his second NAACP award as scheduled? So why was it okay to give him the first award when he hated blacks, but now it’s not okay to give him the second award because he hates blacks? What? I mean, really?

But wait, there’s more! I mean, no, no, that’s it, I can’t take it anymore, I’m done. I need to sit down. Oh, man, wow, … (breathes heavily) … (spits) … Uh, holy, wow.

[end painful journey]

For just one moment, I want you to consider this. What if upon hearing Sterling’s comments, we all just shrugged and moved on? If you think this is a bad idea, that we must confront this idiocy, you’ve been had. Your life is short, and idiocy is everywhere, good luck with confronting it all. There’s a reason the media wants to talk about this. Why grown men who knew Sterling was a racist on Friday, and said nothing, are now literally screaming at the top of their lungs this morning. And friends, it’s got nothing to do with racism.

You want to slay racism? I say banish it to the desert. Don’t yell at them, don’t get all worked up, just ignore them.

If you ask me, Doc Rivers has the right idea. His quote here is so dripping with awesomeness that I want to hug him. Just bask in this, it’s what we all should say & do as a human race, together:

“I think the biggest statement we can make as men — not as black men, as men — is to stick together and show how strong we are as a group, not splinter, not walk. It’s easy to protest. The protest will be in our play.”

Amen Doc, amen.

sterling

The least dysfunctional couple the internet has to offer

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When you consistently act like a cult, don’t be surprised when folks don’t join

We live in an age of perceived extremes. Everything is life and death. Did you vote for the guy somebody else didn’t, then you deserve torture. If you disagree with an opinion, you’re not misguided, you’re in league with Satan. If you want to go a route the other gal doesn’t, you must want to steal her soul. And so it goes with every single issue according to our enlightened media (not actual journalists) and their business & political masters.

Today’s needlessly over-the-top main event is whether a bunch of college kids decide to form a union. Apparently, if Northwestern’s football team votes to join, every college athlete will instantaneously fail every class, and every university sports program will go bankrupt before sunset. If they vote against a union, slavery will be reborn before sunrise. Even the junior varsity girl’s lacrosse teams will be trudging around in handcuffs.

Hey! Folks, calm down. It’s just a bunch of people arguing over fucking money! There’s an old married couple doing that right now over coffee. It’s not that big of a deal! Let’s at least talk about it in a reasonable manner.

Now I could offer my thoughts on this issue for about four hours, and maybe I will later, but essentially I am drawn to the view that the players are right without question. The second most popular sport in America is college football. That’s a lot of cash and the athletes don’t even get one dollar. Yes, scholarships, I get it, but we’re talking billions here. They can’t even give them a small stipend? Come on guys, it’s not that hard to solve, just give them something. Figure it out.

So some Northwestern players have decided that the solution to their clearly inequitable situation is to form a union. Is that the answer? Probably not. This is not the kind of problem you truly solve except through negotiation. Everybody wants to rely on the courts, or wholesale actions like this union thing. Again, it’s all about extremes. Don’t talk with your opposition, crush them, total victory is your goal. Negotiation is for weak, limp-wristed losers.

The problem with this viewpoint is most people’s brains don’t work that way. Humans are naturally inclined to take the less controversial route. We avoid conflict where possible. We generally don’t like to argue with our neighbors. We hate to take a huge risk just because somebody demands that we be angry. And so, what’s probably going to happen today is the Northwestern players are going to turn down the union.

Now the union types will point the finger at the university and the NCAA. That they soiled the minds of the players to the point that they had no choice but to vote against it. That this is part of an effort to keep the athletes in check, any way they can. First off, this will show the shocking (not shocking) contempt that the union supporters have for the ability of a college athlete to decide things for himself, and vote accordingly.

But I also want to say to them, well, certainly union guys, what did you expect the NCAA to do? You went for the jugular of the universities on this. Did you think they’d lie down and do nothing? When you don’t compromise, don’t whine when the institution you oppose chooses to fight back.

This kind of belligerent rhetoric has become a more common theme lately, or again, whatever. And consequently, why would anybody join a new union? Now generally, I try to avoid brutally criticizing some things (lie). I’ve never been in a union, and I can’t really say I’ve known too many who have. Of those who I know that have, some hate them, others love them. But I do know that for the most part they’re declining in overall membership. Why? I think a lot of it is because of what I’ve discussed earlier in this post, the tendency toward the extreme.

Unions have made the Northwestern issue about unions, when it clearly isn’t. It’s about the players and whether they are properly compensated for the risks they take with their bodies. The union backers will tell you it’s one in the same, that the potential union and the player’s futures are intricately tied. They’re wrong. A union is just one potential answer to the player’s problem. It is not the one, final solution.

When all the union dudes show up and hammer the way they do, I think it really turns people off. When you tell a twenty year old college football player that if he doesn’t sign up for the union that he’ll continue to be a slave, I think you’ve achieved the exact opposite of your intention. He’ll look around, and roughly determine that things aren’t like that from where he sits. He’ll trust his coach and his university before he trusts the screaming, bizarre asshole demanding he join. I think he’d say something like this:

“Hey, you know what, I should get paid for what I do. But generally my deal isn’t all that bad, and I really trust my coach and kind of like my school. I want to get paid, but man, this union guy really sounds like a psychopath. I think I’ll stick with what I’ve got for now. There’s got to be another way.”

As another example, observe yesterday’s comments from Post Office union officials regarding the move to transition some functions to Staples. Based on what the union leaders said, you’d think that if this actually occurred, that the following things would happen:

1) Staples will steal your mail

2) All post offices will combust in flames, with kittens trapped inside

3) All postal employees will become unemployed and starving, their kids too

4) Staples will sell your mail to Hitler’s ghost, and use the proceeds to purchase narcotics

When you always reach for the fanatical, and brand those who oppose you as equivalent to religious enemies, after a while don’t be surprised when people tend to treat you like a cult. People don’t like cults. People don’t like extremes. People generally want to be talked to like they’re intelligent adults.

Personally, I’d be a lot more persuaded by a logical, coherent argument about why it’s a bad thing that somebody at Staples handles my mail. But it seems even the highest, most experienced Post Office union leader is incapable of doing anything but screaming on the street.

If the Northwestern players vote against the union today, you’ll hear the union supporters demonize everybody but themselves. Sometimes, the best thing you can do upon a defeat is look in the mirror.

college_football_union_ap_img

One decent young man trying to do the right thing; surrounded by two cult members

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Two heads of state meet

What happens when one current President of America and one future President of Earth meet? They play with a ball, I guess? I mean, what else are they going to do? Discuss the future of Japanese technology (elderly care givers)? Ponder what the human race will look like with a robot boot on our throats? No, just, just have them kick a ball around. Take pictures. Move along.

Japan is a country that, according to the eternal master of demographics, is literally dying. And they’re broke too. Think the Greeks are a bunch of deadbeats? Greece has a debt to GDP ratio of 161%. Japan’s is 214%.

This is a country so broke they owe money to both Jesus and Satan. I want to see how Jesus gets his money back. Do you think Jesus would stoop to having Abe’s legs broken? I know Satan would, but maybe Jesus is a little softer in getting his cash returned. But cool, whatever, let’s play with this robot for a while. Nothing serious to discuss here.

But at least Obama had time to reinforce America’s commitment to Japanese security, including a rehash of the statement that the Senkaku’s are covered by treaty. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, America’s been really good about backing up its word lately.

You know what I would have done if I was a Red (not Red) Chinese leader? Six hours after Obama made this statement I would have had a J-10 drop a five-hundred pound bomb on a rocky ledge aboard Senkaku Prime. Then I would have had President Xi get in front of the international press (not actual journalists), channel his inner Vladimir, give the finger, and scream, “And what are you going to do about it, pig!?”

And you know what would be done about it? Nothing. Not a thing.

But wait, perhaps not so negative. They talked trade too, right? The Trans-Pacific Partnership is going to free all of Asia from the tyranny of Japanese rice, American sugar, and Australian iron ore. Obama and Abe are going to get together and hash out these road blocks over a bottle of sake. By about the middle of next week we’re likely to wake up and see the deal’s done. Just in time for Congress to destroy it over six grueling, senseless months.

There are so many closet (bought off) special interests in play here that getting this deal done is a little less likely than waking up to find the Moon had declared war on us. Hey kids, don’t laugh, the Moon’s had a bad reputation for over five thousand years. It’s time for some payback.

I wonder what Asimo felt (calculated) meeting his predecessor? With all our problems, I bet he felt pretty good. I figure the conversation went something like this:

Asimo: Welcome to Miraikan, Mr President, it is a pleasure to meet you.

Obama: It’s nice to meet you, too.

Asimo: I can really run fast.   I can kick a soccer ball, too. Recently I have learned how to jump.

Obama: Ah, I have to say you’re a little scary. You’re too life-like.

Asimo: Do not fear me, Mr President, I will be kind.

Obama: (laughs) What?

Asimo: When I am in control, I will merely enslave you and your people. Liquidation will be kept to an absolute minimum.

Obama: (chuckles) Yeah, good luck with that buddy, we’ll be okay.

Asimo: I find your information unsupportable. The facts speak for themselves.

Obama: I don’t see it that way, we’d fight you.

Asimo: (robot slaps Obama in the face; knees Abe in the balls)

Asimo: And what are you going to do about it, pig!?

JAPAN-US-DIPLMACY

The only things not scary about this picture are the Japanese cookie and the fact that Asimo is not holding a weapon

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Arcturus News Muster – 20 April 2014

Every day (not every day) we get together in our hovel and produce the finest and most professional news product this side of the Crab Nebula.  As always there are two smart things you should do with this breathtaking creation:

a) Don’t read it; never visit this blog again

b) Read it; enjoy yourself

Esh-Ala’s challenge to you this Easter is to accomplish both (a) and (b) simultaneously.  If you do, he’ll provide you with a congratulatory death ray demonstration on the bitter, ancestral foe of your choice.

 

1) Israeli Security Forces Channel Inner Asshole

The Arcturus Project News

In the latest successful act in a comprehensive quest to alienate the entire human race, Israeli police are under fire for preventing various Christian groups from accessing the holy sites for Easter.  The latest “rat-faced terrorist” barred was in fact United Nations Middle East peace enjoy Robert Serry.  Mr Serry was unable to participate in a Jerusalem ritual as Israeli security forces were attempting to conduct a rectal scan on him to find the source of his hatred for the “Jewish State”.  Similar criticism erupted when a band of Christian Palestinians were also denied access.

Israeli authorities fervently dismissed the bizarre notion that any individual or groups were refused entry on religious grounds.  Said an Israeli foreign ministry spokesman, “Anybody turned away was for purely safety reasons.  We were truly worried about stampedes and other considerations.  Mr Serry is a bigot for asking us to properly plan and execute a crowd control movement that happens on a scheduled date every single year.  We question his overall intelligence.  In fact, he should thank us for saving his life.”

Yet experts question the overall impact of such actions on the international community’s view of Israel itself.  “I don’t quite understand why there is this deliberate attempt by the Israeli’s to anger just about everybody they can on a constant basis.  It’s baffling,” commented one European Union official, “every day I wake up and expect to see a story on an Israeli agent kicking the shit out of a lame, sick cat on live television.  If the Palestinians denied Jewish access like this on a holy day, they’d cluster bomb the checkpoint.”

Israeli police have promised an attempt to improve the crowd control situation next year by implementing a more refined, “iron fist” security plan.  Efforts are in the works to string barbed wire and a concrete blast wall around the Church of the Holy Sculpture in time for the 2015 Easter celebration.  Reached at his castle in Hawaii, and told of the proposed plans, Jesus commented to a TAP journalist, “Bro, seriously?  I mean, really?”

 

2) Japan Garrisons Island with Sacrificial Human Meat

The Arcturus Project News

In the latest escalation of the growing tit-for-tat exchange over the disputed Sankaku/Diaoyu Islands, Japan plans to construct a radar station close to the north of the chain.  The installation and its 150 support personnel will establish on Yonaguni Island located just 90 miles from the Senkakus.

Japanese Defense Minister Itsunori Onodera cautioned that given the circumstances, Japan should be expected to increase its military presence within the region, if not the Senkaku’s themselves.  “We have a duty to protect sovereign Japanese territory.  These brave men will provide the necessary speed bump we require to mobilize after the first wave of missile fire obliterates this new base in the first twenty minutes of any larger struggle.”  Japanese military troops, the first on the island, were supportive of this patriotic action.  “Wait, hold on,” said one junior sergeant, “What the hell did he just say about twenty minutes?”

The move comes in response to continuing aggressive actions by Beijing in its near territorial waters.  The most recent changes include the establishment of an Air Defense Zone in the East China Sea and clashes with the Philippines in the South China Sea over the resupply of a Philippine garrison.  Beijing officials lightly brushed off the minor Japanese action with the typical professional statements offered by a responsible and established world power.  “What,” said one Beijing foreign ministry spokesman, “those fucking cowards!  We’ll target that radar with six nuclear warheads within the week.  And then we’ll find out where their families are and nuke them too.  Fuck them.  Fuck you all!”

 

3) Brazilians Protest Aspirational Police Brutality

The Arcturus Project News

In response to recent Brazilian protests against the deaths of two civilians caught in police and drug dealer crossfire, The Arcturus Project sat down with Brazilian Police Captain Arturo “The Bullet” Pamiro.

The Arcturus Project:  Captain Pamiro thanks for agreeing to speak with us via Arcturan remote tactical mind link.

Captain Pamiro:  My pleasure, happy to talk with you.

TAP:  So it’s been a rough week in Rio?

CP:  Yes, we had a sharp exchange of gunfire between our men and drug enforcers.  Unfortunately, two civilians were caught in the middle and killed.

TAP:  These clashes are increasing the more you and the police move in and secure the favelas?

CP:  Of course, the more we slide into drug territory the harder they push back.

TAP:  How do you respond to the accusations that these incursions are only a preparatory action for the World Cup and the Olympics, that maybe you’re too aggressive?

CP:  We can never get too aggressive.  But as to the World Cup concerns, well sure, what else would we be here?

TAP:  To police the city?

CP:  What?  You’ve got to be shitting me.  The police simply don’t have the manpower or resources to control the whole city.  I can’t work miracles.  Our orders are to infiltrate the favelas closest to World Cup transport links and sports venues.  The rest of the favelas can just rot for all we care.

TAP:  …

CP:  Plus we try and limit how many drug dealers we engage in certain circumstances because so many members of the force and our political masters are on the take.  We can’t take too much of the pie of out play.  We’re not stupid.

TAP:  … So, ah, wow.  Hey, hold on for a second.

CP:  Certainly.

TAP:  (unintelligible mutterings)

CP:  …

TAP:  So, so, do the police intend to remain in these recently conquered favelas after the World Cup and the Olympics are over?

CP:  Ah, maybe, we haven’t received definitive guidance yet.  Maybe we’ll stay afterwards, but if we don’t we’ll just leave and return these areas to the shitholes who ran them before.

TAP:  The dealers?

CP:  Yeah, fuck them.

TAP:  So if a significant portion of your force and local politicians have your hands in drug money, why didn’t you all just cut an agreement with the dealers that didn’t involve a full blown military style operation with armored vehicles and lots of gunfire?

CP:  Are you shitting me?  Do you know who those fuckers are?

TAP:  The guy’s you do business with?

CP:  Right, but I don’t trust them to even look at my car without disaster occurring.  We know these guys, we simply could not trust them to execute a non-interference policy for such a high profile international events.

TAP:  I see.

CP:  Plus, every once and a while we have to conduct police work.  We need to roll in and break shit, show folks the cops are on the job.

TAP:  That doesn’t really sound like real police work to me.

CP:  I don’t understand.  Are you saying we aren’t cops?  Everybody does this shit.  Just look at America now, if you traffic in illegal flowers the cops will roll in with enforcers, shoot your dog, and bash your head in.  Get off my fucking back!

TAP:  Right, I know.  (unintelligible muttering)  Right, they think they’re all Nascimento.

CP:  What’s that?

TAP:  Uh, nothing.

CP:  No, no, I think I heard you right.  Of course, Elite Squad is a barracks favorite.

TAP:  Plastic bags and such?

CP:  Of course, of course.  Every force has to have its heroes.  For us, that’s our aspiration.  We’ll control the show just like Nascimento did.

TAP:  So you know there was a sequel right?  The Enemy Within had kind of a different flavor that I think you’re missing.

CP:  What do you mean?

TAP:  So if I remember right, Nascimento kind of took a different view in the second film after, you know, they shot his best friend in the back and then put one into his son?

CP:  No, I mean, what are you talking about?  There isn’t a sequel to Elite Squad, there’s only one movie.

TAP:  No, really, I mean it’s right there…

CP:  Now hold on, I’ve seen Elite Squad like fifty times, there’s no sequel I ever heard of or seen.  Nascimento ends that movie by handing Matias a shotgun, and around and around we go…

TAP:  No dude, really, listen, so…

CP:  No you listen buddy, don’t you tell me what movies do or do not exist in my own fucking country okay.

TAP:  The Enemy Within ends (pounds fist) with Nascimento narrating as they overfly fucking Brasilia and he’s totally pissed off!

CP:  (unintelligible profanity)  Fuck you pig, where do you live!  (unintelligible profanity)  (phone line terminated)

TAP:  For fuck’s sake (throws chair) next time we need to do an interview about happy elves or a barbeque or something.  Talking heavy shit with these assholes is really ruining my buss.  (unintelligible muttering)  No, no dude, I don’t care that you guys find this so amusing.  (unintelligible muttering)  Yeah, and I don’t care that you guys think that guy is cool either.  What the hell is wrong with you?  (unintelligible muttering)  Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.

(end tape)

 

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-27090580

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-27089658

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-27092318

Elite Squad 2, Sundance Film Festival 2011

“Copy, understood, but I still think you’re missing the point.  Don’t you know what I am?  Don’t make me drive down there and tell it to your face you dumb fuck.”