You may go now

So how’s it going to end for Johnny Football? Super Bowl? Horrific injury? Decent career? Blazing failure? Blimp attack? No, not really. It’s going to go a lot quieter than that.

Everybody remember Tim Tebow? I’m sure you don’t know who he is. He was a rather obscure, unknown athlete. This guy exited the stage with a whimper. I don’t even know where he is right now. Maybe he works as a sports guy somewhere, but he could also be collecting recycling for a living in Gary, Indiana for all anybody knows. It’ll go the same for Johnny.

In the calm, measured, silent-movie comedy Tombstone, there’s a delightful scene up-front where Val Kilmer releases Johnny Tyler (who is bizarrely played by Billy Bob Thornton) whose presence is no longer relevant to the conversation with:

“Oh. Johnny I apologize I forgot you were there. [wave of hand] You may go now.”

It’s the most deliciously condescending, dismissive line in film history. It is impossible to watch that scene too many times.

You can’t argue that Manziel has talent. Unfortunately the powers of his brain just don’t match the freak awesome physical nature. A bunch of you are willing to overlook his immaturity and somewhat criminal behavior and disregard it as a young guy doing what they do.

Unfortunately, the rules of a traditional college dude don’t apply for Manziel. And neither do they apply to the Browns. He isn’t going to play wide receiver. He’s the starting quarterback. He requires the greatest maturity, leadership, and work ethic on the team. Manziel just doesn’t have that. Not now, not ten years from now. Particularly when our blessed media friends aren’t going to let him get his mail without shoving ten cameras in his face.

But because Manziel is such a physical masterpiece, teams are going to be inclined to give him a shot. This is a league where true starting quarterbacks exist on only half the teams. And so let the musical roundup begin. When the Browns have woken up to their blinding failure, he’ll get a shot with someone else. And then another team will give it a go, and so on. All up until the last moment, with the last team, where the assistant-deputy-offensive-line-coach will look over, realize Johnny’s apparently still there, and discharge him from the NFL with:

“Oh. Johnny I apologize I forgot you were there. [wave of hand] You may go now.”


He has about two years to grow up, or grow old

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