Category Archives: Law

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lack of ability to dual wield leads to vicious cherry tree club beating

I’m going to try and not get too into this.  As I’ve previously written, both Clinton(s) and Bush(es) need to go away.  For the sake of democracy.  But I just can’t let this one go.

First off, why did this presser occur at the UN, like, the United Nations.  Really?  Why is she giving a presidential campaign political speech from the UN?  Is the UN going to endorse her campaign?  Did she have a meeting with the ambassador from Brunei she couldn’t reschedule?  It’s just so very weird.

Second, so she bought her own creepy private server to conduct official government business because she didn’t want to carry two phones.  Really?  I want you to try that excuse the next time you get caught breaking federal law and see how long it takes the federal government to throw your ass in jail.

In very few cases is the disparity between modern America’s ruled and rulers so very clearly on display.  She doesn’t even care.  It’s like she daring anybody to call her out on it.  What are you going to do, go after her?  Sue her?  She has the finest lawyers money can buy.  And you don’t.  Me neither.  So I guess we’re screwed.

What’s next?  Is Bush(es) going to show he can actually carry two phones?  And then Clinton(s) will have to go on stage holding three phones?  Then Bush(es) goes out there with a belt full of phone holsters.  Then during the debate the both of them are wearing jackets made entirely of cell phones.  And then the ghost of George Washington comes rushing out from backstage and starts beating them both with an immaculate cherry tree club.  And the audience cheers.

"Hillary Rodham Clinton"

if I can dual wield a shot glass and beer can; she can carry two phones; otherwise she’s unqualified to lead

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my phone is my brother’s keeper

It’s good to know that if nothing else, your personal technology cares for you. Militant zombie assassins might desire your brain(s), but your phone will still be there for you. It’s so pleasant, you cannot possibly object. Can you?

So last night while attempting to max increase the music widget volume on my Samsung phone, I was kindly confronted with the following warning message before I could proceed:

“Listening at a high volume for a long time may damage your hearing. The volume will be increased above safe levels.”

Gee, thanks Samsung! It’s good to know you care. Without your wise guidance, I might have damaged my hearing.

But then I just maxed out the volume anyways. Hmm, in the future will the phone shock you if you disobey its kind, gentle warning?

Please don’t get me wrong, this is not an anti-Samsung rant. Apple is the most overrated corporation since the East India Company.

This rant is about lawyers and their stupidity. And the do-gooders who back them, truly believing it’s their duty and right to control human behavior.

Maxing out the volume on my music is precisely the point. When I’m cooking after a hard day at work, drinking beer, I want to feel the music in my spine. And if I damage my ears or spine in the process? Oh well, it’s my call. It’s my decision.

I’m reminded once from university, a snarky guest lecturer lawyer who told us to thank a lawyer when we saw a warning label on a knife that said, “Do not insert in child”.

Oh man, my brain, it hurts! Help me zombies. Help!

 

Dried Pasta:

“Note: Boil pasta in water prior to consuming.”

 

Blanket:

“Warning: Do not set alight.”

 

Car:

“Driving this motor vehicle my result in fatal and/or horrific debilitating injury involving the insertion of metal and/or glass shards into your corporeal form.”

 

Shower:

“Showering at a high temperature for a long time may damage your skin. The high temperature will be increased above safe levels.”

 

Banana:

“Caution: Do not use to perform surgery.”

 

Shoes:

“Note: Do not step on a prone human.”

 

Bathing Suit:

“Use of this item in an ocean environment may result in belligerent stingray or squid attack. Wearer is advised to don item only in the bathtub.”

 

Beer:

“Use of this product can make you happy. Purchaser is advised to not consume beverage in any quantity whatsoever.”

 

Outdoor Sporting Events:

“Use of this outdoor athletic facility requires athlete and spectator knowledge of lighting strike risk. Athletes are required to not use facility and adopt an indoor only sports posture such as video games.”

 

The Zoo:

“Warning: Risk of vicious, widespread, organized, unbridled mass animal breakout is greater than that of Moon striking Earth’s surface. Accordingly, The Zoo is closed forever. Please take your disappointed, crying children elsewhere. We don’t give a fuck.”

 

Samsung Smartphone Music Widget:

“Use of this product may inhibit your will to live via the warm, comfortable, and steady degeneration of your common sense and the human spirit via perpetual prompting from machines, lawyers, and do-gooders. Please cooperate. We appreciate said cooperation.”

 

samsung

Please obey. You don’t want any trouble? Do you?

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How not to stop corruption

For the degenerate blog author, vicious dictatorships are the gift that keeps on giving. It’s just so much fun to point out how utterly foolish their actions are. On the other hand, we also seem to spend a great deal of time bashing democratically elected politicians here too. So, I guess you could say we’re equal opportunity bigots.

We hate all the human race. We’re all ruined. Please make your plans accordingly. My guests support this theory. They have volunteered their services to bring about our Eventual Doom. Celebrations are to be planned. Fun to be had.

Anyways. So China’s overlords once again want the little people to know they care. The State’s on the path to slaying corruption.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-29797985

If you’re a poor peasant, and a party hack just ejected you off your family’s ancient farmland using thugs, so they could build an apartment block so ugly Soviet dudes would cringe, you’re designated recourse is to:

“After receiving a report from someone who provides his real name, the procuratorate should do a risk assessment and must, in a timely manner, implement a protection plan and prevent reprisals on the whistle-blower,” it said.

Ah, I see. So, like, if we blow the whistle on Xi Jinping’s ~$2B personal fortune, do my guests & I get the support of the State to “prevent reprisals on the whistle-blower”?

What about Ilham Tohti? Lots of people say he’s a well-deserving whistle-blower type. He’s said such interesting things like acknowledging Chinese rule over Xinjiang and promoting racial harmony with such delicious statements as: “do not place hatred between the two people, Uighur and Han”.

So you know this guy is accorded all the protections of China’s just laws, right?

Except he just got jailed for life. For life.

Just get a look at this guy. Now here’s a man who looks like he’s ready to start shooting Reds in the streets tomorrow. What a freak zealot. Man, the Reds really dodged a bullet by locking his dangerous ass up forever:

tohti

Oh, so, ah, I guess they’re not serious. Hmm, I wonder if this is just about Xi using the excuse of fighting corruption so he can crush all opposition to his benevolent, wise rule. But he wouldn’t do that. He seems like a real standup, honest guy. Just ask Ilham Tohti’s family. I’m sure they’d back him.

stormy

The Arcturus Project’s Weekly (Not Weekly) Stormy Cloud Award goes to His Eminence President Xi Jinping, Billionaire, Hypocrite, Dictator & Overlord of the Chinese People

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It’s gotten much worse in Ferguson

We used this picture many months ago to illustrate Russia’s tyranny prior to the Sochi Olympics.  You may recognize it.  It’s happening right now in Ferguson, Missouri. SpreadingOlympicJoy

Yesterday we touched on the shooting of unarmed men by police officers.

Now we can highlight other things you should never see in America, but that are happening before our eyes:

– Police pointing automatic weapons and sniper rifles at unarmed citizens exercising their right to freedom of speech

– Police covering those holding automatic weapons with armored vehicles originally designed to fight on the battlefield

– The unlawful arrest of two reporters for exercising nothing but their constitutional right

The reporters, Wesley Lowery of The Washington Post and Ryan Reilly of The Huffington Post, say they were arrested.  They were.  But the police have a different word.  They call it “detainment”.  This is the word the police use to cover themselves when they break the law and arrest somebody without probable cause.  They say they “detained” you and then set you free.  Like you’re supposed to be grateful to your government masters that they didn’t actually charge you with a crime.  Even though you committed no crime.

Said Mr Lowery:  “Apparently, in America, in 2014, police can manhandle you, take you into custody, put you in a cell & then open the door like it didn’t happen.”

Yes Mr Lowery, they most certainly can.

SpreadingOlympicJoy

This is the future of America, unless we spread the word, and fight to change it.