Author Archives: gentlebenno

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You’re too stupid to know better

Put your trust in strangers.  They’ve never met you.  They know nothing about you.  But they know what’s best for you right?  If only you were as smart as them, you’d live a longer, happier, and more fulfilling life.  Except if you got cleaved in half in a monstrous car wreck on the way to work one July morning, but I guess that’s beside the point.

You don’t really feel what you’re doing is wrong, you’re just living your life.  Or maybe you do feel that what you’re doing is wrong, and you do it anyways.  Why?  For a whole bunch of reasons.  Maybe you want it.  Maybe you need it.  Maybe you just don’t give a shit.  Either way you’re an adult who can make his or her own decisions right?  Well, no.  Why?  Because there are other adults who have decided it is their mission in life to think for you.  What’s that?  [pause]  Oh, you’re not prepared to obey?  Well fuck you.

Today the Los Angeles City Council, which is apparently too busy to tackle important issues in their city (such as why they still don’t have an NFL team) decided they needed to vote new laws that treat e-cigarettes like regular cigarettes.

The vote was 14-0.  Yes friends, 14 to zero.  You probably couldn’t get these 14 meatbags to agree on the time of day, but they’ll vote unanimous when it comes to controlling your behavior.

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-los-angeles-ecigarettes-ban-20140304,0,4359853.story#axzz2v2du1RPZ

I’m trying really, really hard to wrap my brain around this one without resorting to intellectual violence.  So I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt that they all voted along these lines for two reasons:

a) They genuinely believe their vote will keep people healthy

b) They banned e-cigarettes because they have the word cigarette in their name

Wait no, that isn’t the case at all.  They voted along these lines because they:

c) Want to control how you think, especially if that helps them accomplish bullet (a) and they could not care less of the consequences of their actions

The most transparent statement came from Council President Wesson.  Herb smoked for decades and then stopped because he’d determined his habit, “would almost certainly kill him one day”.  So Herb made a choice, on his own (and/or with some help), to quit smoking.  But what he’s saying with his vote is that the average smoker is not intelligent enough to make the same judgment on his or her own.  Herb decided he must vote a law that makes that choice for other people.  Now I bet Herb is truly trying to do the right thing, but he’s wrong.

Are e-cigarettes as healthy as pure spring water?  Why no, far from it.  Are they better for your body than regular cigarettes?  Of course.  A step down is a step down.  But to me, this is really about more than that.  What the Los Angeles City Council is saying is the same thing that hundreds of other government and private bodies have said over the past hundred or so years:

“You’re too stupid to know better.  So we’ll tell you what to think by making it illegal.”

Thus we get the laws and society we live in today.  In this idiot’s opinion, it isn’t worth it.  I would legalize it all, everything.  Want to drink bleach?  Go right ahead.  Want to smoke?  Let me get you a light.  Want to sniff cocaine?  Let me get you a clean razor blade.

Now this is extreme.  Would I really do this?  No.  I’d probably say something like, “Hey [insert name here], let’s talk this out.”  Those of you out there who are enforcers would say that’s the point of these laws.  The Council voted that way to take these situations out of the equation.  Your humble blog author won’t have to talk people out of it because it’ll all be illegal.  Oh, I see, so how’s that working out for us with say, cocaine, or weed?

1) When the government  and/or a corporation are in the business of telling you what you can or cannot put in your body, there is no limit to how far they can go.

2) If we’re at the point where people feel they must order you on what you can do with your own body, freedom doesn’t exist.

I know what I’m saying.  I understand the danger of what I’m advocating.  I’ve known people (some very close friends & family) addicted to cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, Arcturus meth dust, and so on.  But if you’re an adult (nothing I’m saying applies to kids) you’re self-aware enough to make these decisions for yourself.  And if or you die in a back row townhome via a crack overdose or you die of lung cancer when you’re 45?  Oh well.  You made the call.  Live with it or not.

The government and/or a corporation could probably help you get kick the addiction, if you’re willing.  Think of all the good people could do with all the mental energy and physical resources society spends on prevention and incarceration if we spent it instead on treatment?  The American DEA spends $3 billion a year to fail at its mission, let’s start with them.

Legalize it all.  Take the control of your life out of the hands of strangers.  You’re intelligent enough.  Either way, it’s your right to decide for yourself.

Vampire

Please trust me to tell you what’s best.  Honestly, I know better.  You can trust this face.

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Ukraine – One side’s already won, so solving this isn’t that hard

I’m going to end this crisis faster than the time it takes thugs to beat protestors outside the Kremlin.  As I lay this out, please keep in mind I’m not going to ponder the morals or justice of what I’m proposing.  My personal views should be well clear based upon what I’ve previously posted.  I’m just trying to fix the problem at hand given the reality of our current planet.

Facts:

1) Russia has conquered Crimea.

2) Ukraine cannot defeat Russia in battle.

3) The West will not use military force against Russia under any circumstances.

Assumptions:

1) Uncle Vladimir

– Has already calculated the impact of potential Western sanctions, verbal scolding, or isolation and has determined this is worth what he gains by taking Crimea.

– Will not attack the remainder of Ukraine.

– Goal is to own Crimea in the same manner as Abkhazia and South Ossetia.

– Is less concerned with who actually rules Ukraine than ensuring it does not enter EU orbit.

2) Ukraine’s New Leadership

– Does not have a strong enough mandate or cash to unite all of Ukraine against Russia.

– Will eventually realize the West cannot and will not protect them.

– Will determine that negotiation is their only realistic option.

3) The West

– Will accept Russian control of Crimea in the same manner as it has accepted sovereign Georgian territory is ruled by Russia.

Opinion:

1) Uncle Vladimir

– Always desired to control Crimea in this manner but has used current events to achieve it.

– Is generally smart enough to know when to quit while he is ahead, like when he let France ‘broker’ a deal to stop the Georgian war.

2) Ukraine’s New Leadership

– Backed themselves into a corner by promoting conflict instead of reconciliation.  (see old posts)

– Are not in control of the Ukrainian street any more than Cousin Viktor.

– Are of the same corrupt & establishment mold as Cousin Viktor.

3) The West

– Is completely irrelevant to the eventual outcome.

Solution:

Ukraine and Russia need to cut a deal.

Proposed Terms:

1) Russia maintains military control of Crimea.

2) Russia will ‘rent’ Crimea from Ukraine by paying an annual fee, say in natural gas.

3) Russia will not invade any other portion of Ukraine.

4) Ukraine will hold free and fair elections within six months under international supervision.

5) Ukraine will not pursue any EU or NATO alignment for at least five years.

6) Russia will not force Ukraine to join the Eurasian Union for at least five years.

7) Trade agreements between Russia & Ukraine and EU & Ukraine revert to their previous standings.

You may think that most of what I’ve written above is foolishness.  You’d be right.  But the dirty little secret is the world’s most accomplished diplomats aren’t going to do any better.

vladimir_next

I’m in control.  You all have to deal with reality on my terms.  My opponents are children and you know it.  I’m not sorry.

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Get ready to pay to breathe air

Should you have to pay to park at a hospital to visit a family member?  Your answer is probably no.  But you’ll have to do it, unless you’re already doing it, in which case I feel your pain.  Welcome friends, to the new era where even your very darkest moments are a commodity worthy of exploitation by a spreadsheet metric that determines an increase of 0.47% per quarter is worth overpowering that basic human value:  “In general, try to treat your neighbor as you’d like to be treated.”

Here’s another delightful example that even the most grizzled Arcturan enforcer would find abhorrent.  Jennette’s Pier in Nags Head, North Carolina, USA has existed since 1939.  You’ve had to pay to fish, crab, or hold parties on it.  But since its creation you could at least walk on the damn thing for free.  This masterpiece is owned by the state of North Carolina but managed by a private entity, a true match made in hell.  Now you have to pay $2 just to walk on it.  Remember strolling down that [insert anything here] with your family as a child, all those good times, the memories that last forever?  Well fuck you!  So a cherished one-hundred year tradition falls victim to the new basic human value:  “Where possible, be a dick.”

Easy payment of things with your smartphone or future brain chip is real fun and trouble-free right?  It won’t be.  When all you have to do is waive your future brain phone against a machine to extract payment directly from your bank account in a fraction of a second?  Well friends, you’re going to pay just so you can expel carbon dioxide.  Your local, state, and federal government(s) are going to get in on it too.  Don’t think your taxes are enough, your local deputy-under-assistant city planner needs new boots.  It’s so easy that everybody is going to charge you money to do everything.

Want to => quick pay please

-Cover charge to enter a high traffic public urban zone on foot $5

-Enter a public park with your family $2

-Park at a hospital $5

-Retrieve your mail $1

-Walk hand-in-hand with your significant other on a pier that’s existed for 100 years $2

-Watch your kid’s game from the stands $3

-Observe the sunset from a popular location $5

-Retrieve your e-mail $1

-Call to speak with your local government for assistance with anything $1

-Drive on any road, anywhere $6

-Pick somebody up from the airport curbside $4

-Consult with a deity $0.02

Think I’m crazy?  Well, that’s true, but as discussed, it’s already started to happen.  Enjoy it, because there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

Businessman-computer

“Yeah, we have a lot of money, but you don’t understand, we need more, and you’re going to give it to us.  (chuckles)  [pause]  Yes, I understand, but what are you going to do about?  [pause]  Ah, no, no, you’re going to pay, trust me.”

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A tale of two armies

The world can scare you with its bizarre complexity.  So similar and yet so convoluted.  Friends, wrap your minds around this one:

Two countries

– Population: 174M & 182M

– Size @ sq/km:  923K & 796K

– GDP @ PPP:  $522B & $574B

– Former English colonies

– Multiple major & minor ethnic groups

– Broken & marginally functional democracies

– History of coups

– Constant communal violence

– Active terrorist threat that endangers the state

– Massive corruption

– Widespread poverty

– Battles nature daily

Nigeria & Pakistan

I’m hard pressed to pick two countries that are so close on such measures and yet as different as you can imagine in just about everything else.  You could write ten books on this topic.  For now I’ll limit it to one lame post and focus upon a question burning in my brain the last few days.

Why is Pakistan’s army fairly decent and Nigeria’s army such a mess?

A little background for those who’ve had their minds on the run up to tomorrow’s Oscars (here’s a hint kids, the academy’s voting is rigged, rigged better than the previous six Nigerian elections combined).

In northeastern Nigeria a group of religious (not religious) degenerates known as Boko Haram and a number of smaller of more radical affiliates have declared war not just on the Nigerian state but essentially humanity in general.  They’ve attacked towns, schools, hospitals, executed thousands of people, and so on.  Ostensibly they’re in this fight for Islam, but it’s clear that what they really hate is any concept or thing invented after the year 300.

In northwestern Pakistan a group of religious (not religious) degenerates known as the Pakistani Taliban and a number of smaller of more radical affiliates have declared war not just on the Pakistani state but essentially humanity in general.  They’ve attacked towns, schools, hospitals, executed thousands of people, and so on.  Ostensibly they’re in this fight for Islam, but it’s clear that what they really hate is any concept or thing invented after the year 300.

In Nigeria this week Boko Haram got their hands on a boy’s boarding school and did their usual thing by burning it down and executing those who tried to escape.  They hacked students to death, burned bodies, and generally showed what it means to behave like an animal instead of a man.  It took the Nigerian army five hours to bother to show up.  And yet supposedly the army’s been in an active fight for almost a year.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-26353622

In Pakistan this week the government let slip that they’re prepared to unleash over one-hundred thousand troops to roll up what remains of the Pakistani Taliban’s safe havens in Waziristan.  The preliminary airstrikes have already begun in response to the (unsurprising) failure of peace talks.  It’s still open whether they’ll actually launch the attack but what is not in dispute is that the Pakistani army would mostly get the job done in a hard fought struggle.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-26333578

Now of course this is an oversimplification of two very dense situations.  The Pakistani’s have had their setbacks too.  Some Nigerian units have fought well.  But generally this week illustrates broader long term trends in performance.  Why such a disparity in execution?  Any short answer I can give in a blog post is inadequate (it would take a book) but I’m going to do it anyways because I’m an arrogant idiot.

Last night I consulted with the ghosts of seven of the planet’s greatest military minds.  We had a booze fueled roundtable.  It was awesome.  Patton brought his horse which also drank a lot.  Wellington was constantly annoyed at the ‘barbarism’ on display.  Washington didn’t say much but looked like he had a good time.  Mao kept laughing.  Zhukov left on a wooden board.  Shaka can out drink the planet and still remain coherent.  Batu threw a chair.  We also managed to identify three key factors that explain why Pakistan’s army is deserving of the title and why Nigeria’s must reapply for membership.

1) Armies Need a Real Enemy to Thrive

One must ask why every country on the planet needs an army instead of just police.  “The vast majority of armies are used not to defend borders but to buttress the state,” Washington scoffed.  They exist as an internal vice external security force.  Mao laughed, “Nigeria’s a classic example.  You use the army to protect the state from the people.  I argue this is a far more common use for an army than the ‘traditional’ use.”  While Nigerian units are well known for their peacekeeping duties, really the army’s focus is on Nigeria itself.

Shaka nodded and mentioned this came with both good and bad.  “That can work, but only as long as you don’t need to act like a real army,” he cursed and waved his hand, “I could do both but most can’t.”  Boko Haram has forced the Nigerian army to essentially conduct a complex counterinsurgency operation.  Wellington pointed out that this is a hard task for any army to perform, but Nigeria’s has fared worse than most would.  “The incompetence on display is far in excess of anything I’d imagined,” he said.  “I agree,” Washington added, “remember when the Nigerians were supposedly the best army in Africa?”  “Bah,” Batu spit, “that’s probably the Ugandans now because of their Somalia work.”

When an army’s existence is not tied to battle it will not perform well when war is actually required.  Patton brought up the example of the junior officer.  A young Nigerian lieutenant is raised to conduct peacekeeping, internal politics, and generally sustain the army’s routine matters.  Direct combat is not his mindset.  Conversely the Pakistani lieutenant is fostered with the expectation that tomorrow he may fight India in the world’s worst war since 1946.  Batu found such a war appealing.

Pakistan’s army is equally as absorbed with peacekeeping and internal matters but the ever-present concern of India keeps the army disciplined with the training and knowledge required of full-scale operations.  When asked to about-face, cross the country, and clear the tribal areas the army did well.  It was a different fight than India, but war is war.  Patton expected that any well-trained army should be capable of such transitions.

nigerian

2) Polite Robbery Only Please

Zhukov offered a story he’d heard a few months back while watching a documentary on the developing world.  He was paraphrasing the tale and I’ve altered it to where the players are army guys instead of government officials.

A pair of Nigerian & Pakistani colonels meet in Valhalla.  They can both observe their bases and comment upon their regiments while they share glasses of the good stuff.  Eventually the topic turns to how they each built their regimental commander’s residence.  They want to host each other for a reception with the officers and their wives.  The Pakistani colonel claps his brother on the back and points to a lavish mansion.  The Nigerian asks him how he did it.  The Pakistani points to a ramshackle but functional enlisted barracks, taps his nose, and quips, “80 percent”.  The Nigerian cackles with joy, claps his brother on the back.  He points to an even more lavish regimental manor and then to an empty field where his men sleep in tents, taps his nose, and quips, “100 percent”.  They both laugh and booze it up until the Vikings get pissed off and run them out of Valhalla for the day.

Mao laughed for a great length at the tale.  Patton proposed that both men be beaten, Batu that they be executed.  Zhukov compared, “There’s corruption and then there’s outright kleptocracy.”  Wellington interrupted, “But both armies run businesses, engage in corruption, and are hand-in-hand with thieving politicians.”  Washington countered that the level of theft in Nigeria’s army was well above anything that would be acceptable in the Pakistani.

Mao didn’t like this line of thought because Pakistan’s army budget is nearly double that of Nigeria’s.  “Nigeria can’t field as good of a force because of funding; corruption alone can’t get you to such a difference.”  Wellington refuted that because of India, Pakistan has to buy things the Nigerian’s don’t need such as tank divisions, bombers, and a modern navy.  Patton concurred with Wellington and that neither army has an excuse to not field a fully equipped and trained force.

pakistan

3) The Mirror of the People

At this point Shaka threw his glass across the room in frustration and blurted out, “All this doesn’t matter, it’s about the people!”  Mao chuckled and bowed slightly, “Yes, everything else we’re talking about is minor by comparison.”  At length Shaka explained that in both cases the state should be expected to generate and employ an army capable of defending against so vital a threat.  While Pakistan’s people were somewhat unaligned on how to confront the Taliban, he found the Nigerian people’s apathy against Boko Haram stark by comparison.  Washington noted that the army is a much respected institution in Pakistan but not so in Nigeria.  Shaka attributed this partially to the theft but also a growing lack of support by ordinary Nigerians for the concept of Nigeria itself.  “If the people aren’t behind the country, they aren’t behind the army.”

Zhukov said he found that indicative in the blatant patriotism that occasionally surfaces on the Pakistani street but less so on the Nigerian one.  Zhukov declared with pride, “An army is a mirror of a culture, a society, and a country.”  When the country itself is in turmoil or its relevance to the citizen in question, then this will equally apply to an army.

“Like a lot of what we’re discussing, it’s about extremes,” Washington cautioned, “Some of this is also applicable to Pakistan, but Nigeria is of greater concern.”  Wellington wondered if down the road Nigeria would remain as a country at all and whether Boko Haram was just a symptom of a growing trend of ills.  Patton thought this blog’s author should probably write a post about that topic later on.  Most of the others agreed but Batu started screaming that he didn’t know he was here to help with, “a shitty blog post!”  It was at this point that he threw the chair.

batukhan

“The Arcturus Project?!  (throws chair)  The concept of a blog is more offensive to the human race than my sack of Ryazan!”

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Ukraine – We’re back in the 13th century

In 1240, Mongol forces under Batu Khan sacked Kiev and killed pretty much everybody in the city.  Why?  Because he could.  Like all his Mongol counterparts, Batu was a snarky dick.  He regularly taunted other rulers with how powerless they were to resist him.  Said Batu to Bela, King of Hungry, “you dwell in houses and have fixed towns and fortresses, so how will you escape me”.

This is what I think of given the last two days.  Love or hate Uncle Vladimir, in foreign affairs at least, he is a master.  He knows how to play the game and against him just about every Western diplomat comes off as a rank amateur.

Yesterday, Secretary Kerry made it a point to “warn” Russia about military intervention in Ukraine.  You could almost hear Vladimir blurt at the television, “What are you going to do about it, pig?”  And then this morning Russian marines took over a pair of airports.  Why did Vladimir do this?  Because he can.

As this blog previously discussed, the differences in will between Russia and the West are glaring.  If I was a Ukrainian revolutionary, I’d change my tune.

decisive

This one marine is more decisive to the outcome than every diplomat in the West combined.

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Ukraine – How not to start the beginning of a revolution

Two things come to mind within my overly pessimistic brain on this issue:

1) The opposition reached out with hate and rage instead of reconciliation

I always tend to put the caution lights on when the new rulers in town sound angry, very angry.  If you just shed a great deal of blood, souls, and lives to overthrow a murdering asshole dictator, would you:

a)  Make it a point to talk like an asshole

or

b)  Make it a point to talk rather different

Madam Tymoshenko (not everybody’s squeaky clean all-star) riddled her Maidan speech with fire, revenge, and a call to arms.  Now if anybody has just cause to get pissed off it’s her, and she’s also been sick for a long time.  But in these circumstances she needed to understand the context of the moment.

If you are a true leader (and not a closet kleptocrat as I think she is [see my previous post on ‘new’ opposition leaders]), there are times you must be above your emotions and the events that surround you.  This is what makes the likes of Washington & Mandela so special.  It’s not that they’re saints, though they mostly were, it’s that they had the power to understand the context of their moments.  Then they responded accordingly when the vast, vast majority of their counterparts wanted to go a different way.  Madam Tymoshenko is giving the crowd what they want to hear.  A Washington or Mandela knew better.  Sometimes the crowd needs to hear the thing they hate the most.

Washington and Mandela’s real weapons were an emphasis upon reconciliation, restraint, and generally (here’s the kicker) not acting like complete assholes.  From Ukraine we now hear of charges for Cousin Viktor, the blood of martyrs, and justice.  Folks, justice and blood can come later, or not.  But right now you need to strive for peace, rebuild destroyed institutions, and oh yeah, run a very large, broke country.

2) Russia wants it more

Why is point (1) a problem?  It’s not just because I think those who fight hard for freedom and democracy should be the better humans; it’s because they have a big problem; an Uncle Vladimir problem.  Tymoshenko and her allies have severely miscalculated.  They think they are safe given the power of the Ukrainian street.  They don’t understand how the world works.

I remain very ashamed to admit this, but sooner or later the non-free peoples of the planet are going to realize the modern West is populated with cowards.  The free peoples of the world are not interested in fighting for the non-free peoples of the world.  Sorry.

Don’t believe me, ask your Syrian, Zimbabwean, or Bahraini neighbor.  The Ukrainian opposition (or, I guess, national leadership?) has cast their lot with the West, or more chiefly the EU.  But, the problem is Russia and the EU see this situation very differently.

As an example, can you picture Russian tanks rolling down the streets of Kiev in six weeks?  Well friends, that’s a little extreme, but it’s certainly possible under many circumstances.  I’m sure you could at least imagine it?  Ask your Georgian neighbor.

Well, how about NATO tanks?  No, never, not in a million years.  The simple fact is for Uncle Vladimir, Ukraine is a matter of vital national interest.  It is not so for the EU.  Thus, the situation calls for a level of caution not on display by Ukraine’s new leadership.

They have handed Uncle Vladimir the one thing he needs to run over the country; a divided Ukraine; with an eastern ethnic Russian population crying out for a savior.  Uncle Vladimir is only too happy to oblige.

Better to work together with the ethnic Russians of Ukraine to attempt an actual country.  Will this fail?  Probably.  But without the attempt, the savior is thus born.  The alternative is to increase the ethnic Russian population of Ukraine by however many conscripts compose a modern motorized armored division.

tanky_tank

“The coaxial will work a lot better than tear gas.  Let’s go with that to start.”

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Internet – You’ll miss the Wild West one day

One of the greatest films ever made (according to me; which means it’s fact) is The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.  There’s a lot going on in this film both on and beneath the surface, but suffice to say one of the main themes is how a newly modern America comes to terms with its myths, specifically that of the Wild West.

One day, they’re going to make a great film where we all fondly remember what it was like when the internet was the Wild West.  It’ll star Ashton Kutcher as the grizzled, wrinkled, impotent (literally) internet coder who goes back home (Zip Code 94027) only to shock the news robots (human journalists will be extinct due to incompetence and bias) with his tales of how the internet probably wasn’t the anarchy everybody thought.  Like Jimmy Stewart, the robots will print the legend.

Look, the internet was developed by the government, for the government.  Then a bunch of university scientists, funded by the government, started to play around with it.  Drug fueled freaks turned it into a product the normal human could use.  Then corporations got their claws into it but could never completely get the freaks to give it up and thus we roughly see the tool we use today.

What’s different now is that the corporations are taking over.  The government and the freaks are losing power.  Why?  Mostly cash, mostly.  Money buys other corporations, lobbyists (votes), and shapes the images you see every day.  The freaks lost out because they wanted cash too, more cash than dirty oil barons.  The government was run over due to the aforementioned vote buying.  Your local representative doesn’t know how to spell the word broadband, but will vote however Verizon instructs him if it means he gets to lick one more cigar with an $800 bill.

Think it’s a coincidence that Comcast and Netflix signed an agreement (terms are unavailable for the public because Satan probably gave the notary) just days after Comcast decided to corner nearly half of America’s available broadband market?  If you think so, you deserve a personal donation to medical science.  Most people will claim it doesn’t matter because they are too stupid to care or they will argue the market takes care of itself.  Well, maybe.

Here’s a thought though, the internet is more important than roads, buildings, the telephone, or even the air.  If the freaks get what they want, your car, your thermostat, even your freaking heart will all one day be online.  Feel comfortable turning all that over to the corporations that have rigged the game in their favor?  I don’t.

Don’t agree with me?  One day you will.  And even though it’s a legend, you’ll still miss the internet’s Wild West.

xfinity-comcast-logo-144437

“We find your heart’s broadband percentages too burdensome to our network.  Thus, make peace with your maker.”

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News Muster – 20 February 2014

Congratulations on observing the First Annual (not annual) Arcturus Project News Muster.  As mentioned previously, life has somewhat collapsed for the author, so what the hell, why not this?  I’ll have fun writing it.  The way these posts will work is you read the bizarre text and enjoy it.  If you don’t adore this style of posts you can:
a)  Post a comment on this web zone informing me how much I suck

b)  Never visit this blog again

c)  Return to visit at a later time when you may find a post more favorable

d)  Enslave humanity (because, you know, why not?)

 

1)  TSA informs populace of latest Arcturan threat

The Arcturus Project News

The United States Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has issued its latest travel alert warning of possible danger from recent Arcturan efforts.
The agency did not mention any specific threat, capability, or fact but emphasized that passengers should remain vigilant.  “We want the traveler to understand that at any moment, they could die.  Air travel is dangerous,” said TSA official Steve Shiftyeyes, “You could get run over by the airport handicap buggy any day you step inside the terminal.”

This announcement comes on the heels of recent TSA warnings of potential toothpaste bombs against flights bound for the Olympics at Sochi.

The statement met with criticism from scientists who declared their concerns with the TSA’s methodology.  Said Dr Stanislaw Human of the Hopkins Institute for Applied Physics, “This threat makes no sense.  Even if the Arcturans could get here, why would they travel thirty-seven light years only to blow up an airplane?  That’d be like flying halfway across the world just to punch a kid in the stomach at his birthday party.”

TSA administrators nevertheless emphasized the importance of being watchful at all times pointing out the number of airplanes destroyed by terrorism in the last decade.  “These measures keep our skies safe,” said Shiftyeyes, “And your safety is our number one priority.  Why else would we do this?”

 

2)  Japanese renew pledge to make radiation “a friend”

The Arcturus Project News

Tokyo Electric (TEPCO) acknowledged that yet another large quantity of radioactive water was released from the decommissioned Fukushima nuclear plant.  In the newest in a series of deliberate acts TEPCO announced that a value was opened at Fukushima to allow the hazardous water to “become one with the sea”.

TEPCO dismissed fervent admonitions from the World Health Organization (WHO) that such consistent acts created water safety levels twenty times in excess of the widely considered healthy limit.  The valve opening is said to be part of a wider strategy by TEPCO to make radiation a consistent part of the renowned Japanese culture.

“The WHO’s concerns are valid, but entirely misplaced,” said Ryuichi Incompetentsan, a TEPCO Senior Manager, “They would imply that we don’t know what we’re doing.  We Japanese perfected just-in-time assembly lines, sushi, the zoo, and once enchained Asia.  We’re doing this on purpose because only by making radiation a friend can we truly hope to overcome its negative effects.”

Citizens of the nearby city of Iwaki seemed optimistic of TEPCOs acts.  “They know what they’re doing,” remarked one local shopper, “We’re happy to let them take the lead on this honorable effort.  I think if we just let them do what they think is best we can only hope that radiation becomes the next export.”

TEPCO promised that the next maneuver in their plan would be even stronger.  Industry watchers predicted the next action could be the release of a radioactive plume or the methodical exposure of a worker to lethal doses of toxic rays.

 

3)  An interview with Nigeria’s interim central bank governor

The Arcturus Project News

The Arcturus Project News spoke with Boseda Corruptus, recently appointed by President Goodluck Jonathan as Interim President of Nigeria’s Central Bank.

TAP:  Thanks for speaking with us via telephone.

BC:  My pleasure.

TAP:  Why was your predecessor fired?

BC:  Mr Sanusi has been suspended and not sacked.

TAP:  But he was accused of “misconduct”?

BC:  He’ll be back; he’s done nothing worse than the rest of us.

TAP:  Ah, I see, wait what?

BC:  I don’t know how much he’s taken, but whatever it is it’s a shit-ton less than me and the others.

TAP:  …

BC:  Are you still on the line?

TAP:  Uh, yeah, I’m here.  So, ah, … (flips pages, throws notes) so Mr Sanusi’s accusations of flagrant oil theft are substantiated?

BC:  Are you living under a rock?  What do you think happens to the oil money?  You think Jonathan wants this talked about before the election?  We need to at least pretend, so whether Sanusi’s on the take or not, he needed to go away for a while until we’re done buying votes.

TAP:  Wow, so, these are all very significant statements, do you understand what you’re saying?

BC:  Fuck you.  What are you going to do about it?  I’m shit-faced on $400 a bottle cognac right now.  Everybody knows we’re thieves; we’ve stolen billions every year as long as I’ve been in government.  Nothing ever changes.  Nobody ever goes to jail.  Why should I care what you think?

TAP:  But, well, you have a responsibility to the people.

BC:  I give them some, I give them some.  But they know how the game is played.  If a peasant from Kano and I switched places, he’d rob me too.

TAP:  So is there any hope of this situation improving?

BC:  Improving what?  What are you talking about?

TAP:  So financial responsibility, transparency, democracy, and so on?

BC:  What are you?  A communist?  How do you think things work here?  I’m all for freedom, but I have to live in the real world.

TAP:  Would it surprise you that a guy on the street in Lagos might see it differently?  Maybe they want a better future and to them you’re just a thug?

BC:  (unintelligible profanity)  Listen buddy, who are you anyways?  (unintelligible profanity)  (phone line terminated)

TAP:  Man, I didn’t even get to ask him whether the dismissal was legal.  (off tape mutterings)  What?  (off tape mutterings)  Well, yeah, I guess he wouldn’t have understood the question.

(end tape)

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-26266491

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-26254140

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-26270561

 

buddy

Come closer friend.  You look like you need a hug.

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Ukraine – This is not the end of the beginning

I will admit I am rather surprised to see this level of violence.  You would think Uncle Vladimir would have asked Cousin Viktor to hold off for at least for another week until people can no longer spell Sochi.  I think a couple of things are at work here:

–  The vast majority of the protestors appear to have accepted the government’s amnesty and abandoned their posts over this last weekend

–  This left a very small (perhaps about 20 thousand) but hardcore group who desire neither amnesty or the status quo

–  Cousin Viktor decided to use this window of opportunity to dispense with this hardcore group before the more moderate opposition realized he was playing them for fools and got back on the streets

–  Cousin Viktor may have been told to wait for a week by Uncle Vladimir; but likely told him to go back to watching figure skating; Viktor knows a week may have closed out his window; thus the assault on Maidan

The security forces’ attack did not go according to plan.  Syria has shown what you need to truly crush this kind of revolt:  An army or police force that is willing to employ automatic weapons against unarmed civilians like it’s the Fourth Reich come to life.

At this point, the Ukrainian forces aren’t willing to do that.  So what they confronted was a highly organized, motivated, and disciplined protest force.  The hardcore opposition was apparently planning for this kind of battle for weeks.  As the security forces aren’t willing to use their overwhelming lethal force, you get stalemate and chaos.

Some countries are perhaps not meant to be.  I heard an interesting stat on the radio yesterday.  About 40% of Ukraine’s population supports the protests, while 40% support the government, leaving 20% who are too dazed or stupid to respond to reality.  However, a very large majority from both sides do not support Cousin Viktor.  This is not a recipe for a sustained nation.  You can easily see how the Russian eastern half could make a push to remain in charge or transfer to Russia while the western half goes elsewhere.  Anybody think this will all occur cleanly?

This is only going to get worse.  A line is now crossed.  When this much blood is shed, emotions & then positions harden.  Cousin Viktor is now about to learn a very important lesson of our cowardly post-modern world.  When you spill your citizen’s blood, it’s not as bad as you think.  I suspect he’ll actually be rather surprised at how little the UN, EU, and/or USA will do to him and his ruling elite.  A lot of talk will occur, but Viktor’s going to discover that he can still act while everybody else talks.  Then the only limiting factor on whether he can remain in power is how willing he is to kill and whether his men are willing to obey the orders to slay their neighbors.  Either way it’s going to be awful.

maidan19feb

“I am the hand of God, the fate of all lies in the decision I make.”

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Team Arcturus – These guys want to put themselves out of business

So things are a little worrying in your blog author’s family life recently.  Enjoy life friends, as my aunt recently said, “Things can turn on a dime”.  When the mysteries of life upend your status quo, I think everybody gets a little crazy in their view of the world.  Accordingly, I’m going to once again indulge in another round of reckless intervention discussion.  I guess I’m just interested lately in what kind of world we will live come 2090.

Please keep in mind a few things.  I know intervention is a bad word used by smart people (them) to label dumb people (me) as out of touch with reality.  So a couple of caveats.  This isn’t about Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, or Syria.  This is about humanitarian intervention to stop the bleeding; genocide where the different parties are generally not somebody’s puppet-proxy-pawn.  I know how complicated and hard all of this is, but if we don’t start somewhere then we are just admiring the problem.  Just admiring the problem equals the ultimate failure of our race’s hopes and dreams for a bright future.

Now a few readers, who probably won’t be back, (by a few I mean two; we’re, ah, we’re new here) expressed mild disagreement (they were polite) via separate correspondence that they did not approve of a UN force that undertakes the task of having people “gets shot”.  I think their interpretation of my idea was a UN force along the lines of the paramilitary troops shown in Elite Squad (my example) where folks are shot without trials, plastic bag interrogations occur, and generally the enforcers do what enforcers do.  Well, to be honest, that’s at least partially what I had in mind.

Look, I’m not a determinist flake like a Jared Diamond, but I do think that folks are fairly well shaped by where they grow up.  A machete wielding psychopath in CAR might have turned out a fairly decent guy had he grown up under rich bankers in London.  Unfortunately for him, his path was somewhat different.  But in the end, as adults, we all make our own choices.  I’m sorry if your life was/is shit, but if you’re engaged in genocide, you either get to stop, or get shot.  Sorry.

What am I really after though?  Clearly there is enough poverty, destitution, and awfulness in our planet to overwhelm the UN’s ability to purchase, let alone expend, bullets.  The UN genocide response force discussed in my previous post (we’ll call them Team Arcturus) is not going to be able to shoot every single weapon wielding ethnic janitor.  I’m after the deterrence that comes from the initial round of UN sanctioned violence.  Now deterrence is a generally underrated concept (for most people it means nukes only), yet we employ it across our lives every day.  Ask your friendly neighborhood speed trap.

After Team Arcturus is employed two or three times, the word will get out to those who are intent on cleaning out a portion of the human race.  “Hey, the UN is interested, Team Arcturus will be here tomorrow.  Those assholes don’t play.  Let’s put away the blades, gasoline, and piano wire before we all get fucking shot.”  When people start to understand that we (the international community) mean business, that we will do what we say, then the level of viciousness might (every situation is different; and my idea may suck) inherently decrease.

The trick is of course actually doing what you say.  Right now the UN is generally ignored because it is in the business of saying a lot, but virtually doing & accomplishing nothing.  This is directly traceable to the design flaws in its organization, but it is what it is.  Would we have to rework the way the UN is run before we could create and employ Team Arcturus?  Maybe, but the recent UN combat operation against M23 near Goma is a good example of how such an action could occur under the existing UN construct.  This would not solve extremely hard situations like Syria, but at least would assist the human race in troubleshooting CAR or South Sudan or Western Burma.

Final answer to world peace?  No.  Initial answer to stop genocide and improve overall quality of human life?  Maybe.  Let’s roll the dice.

armored_infantry

 

Team Arcturus; Armored Infantryman; Circa 2090

“I get used only once a decade, because everybody knows what I do when I’m used.”