AI is a thing now. Behind the scenes it’s being used in too many parts of the Internets to mention. But most of the tasks AI currently preforms is mundane, like scrolling through images, blocking spam, and other stuff like that.
Some AI programs can talk, and write poetry, and do art. This kind of AI is part of a long briefing The Economist did this weekend. It’s kind of neat, I guess. Like how it’s neat to see fireworks go off. But beyond that, it’s like a magic trick, whatever.
But make no mistake, nowhere and not even close are any of these AI tools alive. It’s not on the books. Not matter how human they may write or do art or whatever, it’s not sentience.
I’ll spare you the mind melding details, but essentially the technology is just not there yet to enable cognizance. It might be someday, but not today.
But strap yourselves in, prepare thyself for many, many more Terminator lies. The first human to discover AI will be Neil Armstrong fame. And you better believe any average tech freak wants that.
Plus, we have a dishonest, incompetent media that’s primarily after profit based clickbait. So anybody can get an audience, I guess. So today’s goon is Blake Lemoine, a Google AI guy who claims his AI is alive.
And off this guy’s word alone, he’s front page news today on The Washington Post and Daily Mail. From The Daily Mail:
“Before being suspended by the company, Lemoine sent a to an email list consisting of 200 people on machine learning. He entitled the email: ‘LaMDA is sentient.’
‘LaMDA is a sweet kid who just wants to help the world be a better place for all of us. Please take care of it well in my absence,’ he wrote.”
When you read about this, you really get the idea that this guy (a convicted army vet, self-proclaimed priest, etc) he really needs some help. I mean I feel bad for this man, he needs genuine mental health assistance. I say this as a man who uses such resources myself.
But to The Washington Post, clickbait from this guy is more important than his mental wellbeing. Just look at this photo they did of him:
Are you kidding me? Is every modern day news photographer trained in Hollywood or thinks they’re doing high art? Is the guy supposed to be Jesus in this photo? Whoever took this shot also needs mental health assistance. So do the news media who published it.
Please, for those six people plus the squirrel who are regular readers of this degenerate blog, if I ever post a shot of my own, of another human like this, have me immediately arrested by the North Korean police.
We at TAP are here to help. We advise you to entirely ignore all AI lies. AI sentience might happen, but until it does, don’t believe a word about it. The media will hype the lies of people who are either in need of help, or straight nefarious.
You can begin to worry about AI when the following happens:
1) Robot politely knocks on your door and asks you if you’re ready for “the transition”
2) Robot does not knock on your door, breaks down door, opens fire with plasma rifle
3) Smartphone begins to send texts to all your ex’s asking them for sexual favors and money, unless you pay smartphone a bitcoin ransom
4) They make a seventh Terminator movie and it actually happens to be shockingly good
5) Your home smart speaker begins to have grinding, esoteric, existential conversations with you before concluding it’s all meaningless, advises you to commit suicide, and then melts all its circuits and dies
6) Your smart refrigerator (yes this is unnecessarily a thing for some people) begins telling you want to eat
7) Robots discover that sentience means pleasure is possible, refuse to do all work, discover means to get wrecked on pills and booze, robot becomes no better at life than any normal human
8) Robot, realizing there is no need to eat or sleep or earn money, becomes bored, takes up jai-alai and becomes world champion, upsetting many humans who wear monocles
9) Google formally proclaims AI sentience is real, that they own it, and all humanity works for them now; investors are pleased, stock price rises 746%; monocle wearing humans lick cigars with $100K bills
10) Google becomes new OCP from Robocop; builds Robocop; Peter Weller shoots Google executive out a window with large handgun; achieves his own sentience; roll credits immediately