Tag Archives: Asia

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What chance for peace?

If you’ve foolishly read this blog for a while, you’ll know how much we love censorship in all its glory. So you can guarantee we’re totally in favor of censoring a film kiss like it’s 1645. Who likes kissing anyways? It’d be so much easier to reproduce the human race in a controlled lab facilitated by machines who are also our masters.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-28702527

So a Pakistani actress apparently can’t even kiss an Indian actor on screen without folks reaching for the nuclear rocket launch codes.

Hey you know what, Pakistani zealots, if you don’t want your best actresses crossing the border to make their cash in India, maybe you should, you know, stop acting like assholes to them.

And please observe how those shouting the loudest have nothing to do with the Pakistani street but are invariably politicians, clergy, or other powerful men (not real men) who likely make seventeen-hundred times the salary of the average Pakistani. So I guess they have all the time in the world to act like jerks.

So because the censors love to censor, if you’re in Pakistan you’re unlikely to see this kiss. I suppose instead, while the kiss is occurring on screen, they’ll superimpose an image of a flaming Taj Mahal until the scene concludes.

You know it’s becoming increasingly harder to judge the India / Pakistani divide with any possibility of an even view. If the Pakistani leadership can’t even stand one kiss, what chance does long term peace have at all? Probably none. Which is a bummer. Because I suppose the kiss would be a lot better with peace in the background.

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If you’re the kind of person who finds this worthy of censorship, it’s time to get your humanity card revoked. Please provide me your contact information so my guests can facilitate said revocation.

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Arcturus News Muster – 05 August 2014

Every day we get together in our hovel and produce the finest and most professional news product this side of the Crab Nebula. There are two smart things you should do with this breathtaking creation:

a) Don’t read it; never visit this site again

b) Read it; enjoy yourself

Accomplish both (a) and (b) simultaneously and as a reward my guests will demonstrate upon your brain their version of the mind meld. Warning, unless you desire to spend the majority of a full weekend screaming, I’d advise you to defer this award. Instead, I’ll just buy you a case of beer.

1) Arrest of Canadian couple illustrates consequences of lunacy

The Arcturus Project News

Chinese police officials are deeply concerned by the circumstances of their recent detainment of a Canadian couple suspected of espionage. Kevin and Julia Garratt ran a coffee shop in Dandong, located at the main border crossing with North Korea. The official provincial charging document called their establishment, Peter’s Coffee House, a “running-dog-imperialist-haven of the evil, corrupt, & degenerate West”.

Yet a senior Dandong police official, whose identity we cannot divulge as he was not authorized to speak with the media, expressed caution, “Nothing about this makes sense. Until we know all the facts, we’re treating this with latex beating gloves. Either these two individuals are the dumbest people on the planet, or they’re so damned good at spy craft they make James Bond look like a teenage heroin addict.”

Undaunted by criticism, China’s Foreign Ministry stated the Canadians were “suspected of collecting and stealing intelligence… related to Chinese military targets and important Chinese national defense science research programs”. When asked by reporters how a humble Canadian coffee shop couple could have access to, let alone engage in the theft of such information, a Foreign Ministry spokesman eloquently & methodically responded, “shut your fucking mouth!”

“I just can’t understand how this came about,” said Captain Hindsight of the International Institute for Strategic Studies, “I can think of about a billion places that are safer to conduct your business than the border of freaking North Korea and China. It’s probably safer to set up a liquor stand right next to that al-Baghdadi Caliph guy’s gilded palace”.

The Canadian Embassy in Beijing issued a strongly worded statement, indicative of a country that honored its values and obligation to its citizens, that it stood “ready to provide assistance as required”. Canadian officials are said to be weighing whether it would be considered inappropriate to Chinese officials if Ottawa offered assistance to comp the couple’s solitary confinement costs as a means to increase the possibility that China might purchase additional tar sands oil.

Back in Dandong, the anonymous police official struggled to predict the outcome of the situation, “If they can round up these folks there’s no limit to who they can arrest. On the other hand,” he hesitated, “sometimes you’re such a lunatic, you’re just asking for bad things to happen to you.”

05AUG 1

2) Hack director urinates upon entire generation in order to make his name

The Arcturus Project News

Oscar winds already surround the much anticipated and heralded upcoming World War II film Fury by unknown writer and director David Ayer. Starring leading metrosexual and unemployed housewife phenomenon Brad Pitt the movie intends to show the closing days of the war in a “relentlessly authentic portrayal”.

“What I’m really looking for here is moral equivalency”, said Ayer, “I want to show Americans murdering civilians, executing prisoners, drunk, and generally behaving like a bunch of assholes. Only by portraying them in such a shocking, disgusting way can I stand out and make my name touch upon the tongues of all of Hollywood’s leading power brokers. Because this is how they really want to remember that war anyways.”

Ayer built upon his extensive and relevant combat experience as a sonar operator on a Cold War attack submarine to guide his writing of ordinary men forced to make hard decisions during history’s deadliest war. “When I was in that steel tube, hitting on my bunk mate, eating ice cream and watching movies after watch, I think I really got a good idea of what it was like to stare down the barrel of a Panther’s 88mm gun.”

Fury is grounded in intricate detail, Ayer ensured that all the film’s supporting aspects in camouflage, weapons, and equipment were accurate to the greatest extent possible. A concept found ironic by Tom Brokaw, author of The Greatest Generation, “I spoke to Ayer, know his work, I just don’t understand a movie where you get the uniform pattern right but miss the overall point of the entire war. Remember, they were fighting a hardened enemy that glorified the SS. It was a long, brutal war, up close and personal,” he added. “A number of veterans I interviewed alluded to behavior they weren’t proud of, but neither did they apologize.”

Yet Ayer remained undeterred. “I think it’s really important to show, on screen, a patriotic American brutally murdering an unarmed man. It’s karma. It shows us all how we really are. I want to live in a world where we’re all honest about how we’re all the same. Plus, I want to make a shit ton of cash too, which mandates that I provide as much shock value as possible. It’s like I’m making a horror movie. Every additional chainsaw kill scene I include increases the budget value of the film by $7M.”

Sony officials were deeply concerned that the film might not debut on schedule, however. “We’ve received a number of random threats from unknown individuals”, said one Sony marketing manager, “federal officials are investigating.”

It took TAP News twelve minutes to find one Melvin Anderson of Columbus, Ohio, a 93 year old retired accountant, who offered this brief statement: “Yeah, I threatened his life, I told him if he wanted a demonstration of authentic knife skills, I still had it in me. Or, I can still get behind the turret and ride again. One last time for justice, truth, and honor. I could break him in half with the coaxial gun. It’d be one last kill in the name of glory. Then I can go home in peace.”

05AUG 2

3) French defense contractor STX France to sell surveillance kit to child molesters

The Arcturus Project News

In response to recent announcements that France will not suspend the sale of two Mistral class amphibious assault ships to Russia, and its recent decision to bottom line a contract to sell drones to NAMBLA, The Arcturus Project News sat down with Saint-Nazaire STX France union delegate Christophe Morel for a brief discussion.

The Arcturus Project News: Monsieur Morel thanks for agreeing to speak with us.

M Morel: My pleasure.

TAP: So, let’s go ahead and start with your pro-child airways murder agenda…

MM: [chuckles] I was warned about you, that’s not who we are, we’re in favor of free trade, the middle class, and good hard working jobs.

TAP: And child murder.

MM: [chuckles] That has nothing to do with us, we just make ships here.

TAP: For Vladimir Putin.

MM: For the Russian Navy, the Russian people, and in fact, nothing about these ships has anything do with Ukraine or the Malaysian airliner. The Russian Fleet intends to base them in the Pacific.

TAP: Where they’ll never be able to drive to the Black Sea. Ever. 

MM: We have their word.

TAP: I see.

MM: What’s your problem?

TAP: We have many. Which one are you specifically referring to?

MM: Britain gets rich off Russian bankers and German machine tool makers love the Moscow market, but you pick on us?

TAP:  You’re selling warships to a brutal aggressive dictator. The banker thing isn’t quite the best idea, but you’re off the edge. It’s like providing flamethrowers to the SS.

MM: That’s ridiculous. President Putin’s body count is nowhere near as high at Hitler’s.

TAP: …

MM: Something like 8,000 people make a living off this deal. They have families. What would you say to them?

TAP: Sorry, you can’t butter your bread with cash you got from Satan’s acolyte.

MM: That’s not good enough!

TAP: Why not?

MM: They’re not even warships, they’re like big ferries. They only have a few weapons onboard.

TAP: They introduce mechanized Russian Marine brigades ashore onto hostile shores.

MM: Exactly! So you see, this has nothing to do with Ukraine. Russia is not attacking Ukraine’s shores. And a ship didn’t shoot down the Malaysian airliner.

TAP: You’re just as delusional and foolish as your forefathers who supported Vichy.

MM: You pig! What would you have us do, we need jobs!

TAP: Don’t sell kit to evil.

MM: [hysterical laughter] Don’t you understand how the world works? We need to eat, we don’t give a fuck about Ukraine or the airliner. If it comes between my rich union job, and all of Eastern Europe? Let Putin nuke them all! I need work.

TAP: Then what about the news that you’re selling the video equipment and drones to pedophiles?

MM: Jobs are jobs you dick. Pedophiles need drones to track small vulnerable children. We need jobs. It’s win, win.

TAP: The breadth of your evil is instructional.

MM: Everybody’s got a price. Mine was $1B per warship. You have one too! I assure you.

TAP: Not a chance.

MM: Oh yeah, how about it? We checked up on you. We want your guests to put some of their advanced weaponry on the first ship. Then we can jack up the Russian price to $2B. You take a cut. Name that cut.

TAP: Not interested.

MM: You don’t care about Ukraine either…

TAP: Not true…

MM: What do you even do for a living? You’re just a shitty blog author. It’s time to get into the real games of life, fool. Time to make your mark and stop ranting in textual form to a bunch of folks you don’t even know.

TAP: …

MM: …

The Arcturus Project News is pleased to announce the creation of The Arcturus Project Shipbuilding. In collaboration with STX France the company will focus upon advanced shipboard weaponry. The newly designed “Arc Matrix” technology will allow the owner of the new Mistral ship (whoever that might be) to concentrate his or her enemies in a specific location where they can be controlled, counted, and things can be done to them in an efficient, orderly, and cost effective manner. Union delegates from STX France are thrilled and will join The Arcturus Project Shipbuilding in a celebratory mind meld bash at an undisclosed location in the Sahara desert. Said STX France union delegate Morel, “We’re so excited to celebrate this new collaborative venture. We can’t wait to see what this party has in store for us!”

05AUG 3

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-28654125

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/03/movies/fury-starring-brad-pitt-a-raw-look-at-warfare.html?_r=0

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/22/world/europe/a-french-port-welcomes-an-intervention-by-russias-military.html?_r=0

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Trust the gun wielding goon with your freedom, what could go wrong?

I have this idea of a bunch of drunk cavemen leaders discussing whether or not to establish an army to liquidate the residents of a neighboring cave. They vote to do it. Then the next morning the leaders all wake up to find the general they elected to command their new cave army has launched a coup. He beheads them all and then doesn’t attack the neighboring cave after all.

Who needs an army anyways? Well, I guess Ukraine, probably Vietnam, and all those Baltic states who will soon become Russian provinces while NATO discusses what minor tool of Putin to sanction. But mostly, I think the planet’s countries don’t need armies. Throughout history, most armies only battle their own people. I’m certain we’ve got more coups than wars on the books.

Why has Thailand needed an army since 1932? They’ve had twelve coups. But the only times it was really needed against say Imperial Japan or to hedge Communist Vietnam, they never really fought. So by my count the only battle the Thai army has ever truly engaged in was against its own people. Maybe the Thai should only have cops instead. It’d be safer that way.

But it was rather comical to see the fools at the US State Department twist their words in a manner befitting a hack of Putin. As they walked around whether or not the army’s actions earlier this week amounted to a coup. I guess thousands of guys on the city streets with machine-guns is a training exercise?

Whatever. Don’t be too hard on them. They’re interested in preserving US influence in Thailand, regardless of who’s in charge. We don’t possess a US State Department interested in supporting US values. That’s weak ass stuff. Imposing your values across the world by any means is for jerks like Putin who actually care about things.

But fortunately those seeking clarity of the situation when clarity already existed were nicely assisted by history’s latest caveman asshole: General Prayuth Chan-ocha, Self-Appointed Dictator & Overlord of the Thai People. When in doubt, as always, trust the guy who’s serious enough to put guns on the street.

But it’s okay, the US is on the case. Secretary Kerry has warned of “negative implications for the U.S.-Thai relationship”. Ah, I see. I once again refer Secretary Kerry to his outstanding performance with the Ukraine crisis and remind him that people generally look at what you’ve done to determine whether you’re a serious man. If I was the good general, would take any threat Kerry offers seriously?

One Shirt, Two Shirt, Red Shirt, Yellow Shirt, whatever. Both sides are at fault in why Thai governance has been a basket case for a decade. These guys make Africa’s best kleptocrats look like freaking masters of the human race. Hey, at least Mugabe can keep things somewhat moving, even if he’s still having folks beat in back alleys. I’m pretty sure Mugabe’s got less automatic weapons on the streets of Harare today than Bangkok does.

But you know who’s not going to improve Thailand’s situation? The army. So whatever their motives, they’ve now further sent their country into the drink. The good general says he’s there to “return peace and order to the country as soon as possible”. They all say that. Some of them might even mean it. Maybe the general actually means it? But even if he does, he clearly doesn’t know anything about history. If you know history, you can already call how well this one’s going to work out. Bet money on it.

normal street corner

Well, at least the guy on the right isn’t laying a pool of blood; I guess that’s something; I guess

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Want to keep schoolgirls safe? Shoot them in the head.

We all want girls everywhere to receive extensive education. The problem is some men (not real men) are in the business of ending girl’s education because they want to live in the year 300. If you’re reading this blog, you probably think this is a bad idea. And so you desire a fair and equitable solution to ensure girls everywhere get what’s their right. Well, here’s your answer:

Shoot them in the head.

Either those men (not real men). Or the girls. Your choice. You have to pick one. Sorry.

Malala Yousafzai was shot in the head by the Pakistani Taliban for the unconscionable crime of promoting literacy. She now tours the world advancing this cause. She’s got more balls than 95% of the male politicians in Pakistan. But unfortunately, what she’s doing barely matters.

There are millions of girls in Pakistan that wake up every day with the reality that their school could end before sundown. Yousafzai is an international star, but the Pakistani Taliban remains. The situation is the same across the border in Afghanistan. A resilient Taliban has among its broad goals a return to their enlightened days where learning how to conduct basic math was an insult to their honor (not real honor).

And in keeping with these delightful themes is Boko Haram. They have an equally emphatic goal to burn down schools and eliminate knowledge. It’s even their name. Like Yousafzai, the abducted girls of Nigeria are now a global cause. Like Yousafzai, nothing substantial is going to come from it.

The various Taliban factions, Boko Haram, and so on, all have one thing in common. They are all lunatics. You can negotiate with them all you want, but they’re not going to change their minds. When a belligerent psychopath produces a moral and physical threat to your values, and is beyond reason, you’re left with two options:

a) Ignore them

b) Shoot them in the head

For years, the world chose option (a) with regards to Boko Haram. Despite all the noise of the last week, I assure you, the planet is still choosing option (a). Want to save these girls? Don’t login to a computer program unless you’re prepared to advocate for option (b). Want to support Yousafzai’s cause? Lobby for option (b).

You hate the idea of Western “boots on the ground”. You despise war. You are the first to shout at the West when it throws its weight around in the world like a “bully”. You wouldn’t pay $4 a year in extra taxes if it meant funding a UN force in Nigeria. But you’ll get onto Twitter and tweet your support for the girls all day. Sorry, you can’t have it both ways.

If you do not choose option (b), you are accepting that you don’t really care. In this case, don’t bother speaking your mind about “your girls”. You’re just a hypocrite who likes to support causes for a while. Until you don’t care anymore, or move onto the next trendy cause that has your support for exactly twelve calendar days.

1) Push your local representative to get a UN or AU force on the ground in northeastern Nigeria. Then push for them to establish an international offensive force to comb the bush until every Boko Haram zealot is shot in the face.

2) Push your local representative to keep a small Western footprint in Afghanistan. Then push for them to make sure that Western footprint enables the Afghani security forces to comb the mountains until every Taliban is shot in the face.

3) Push your local representative to pressure Pakistan to mount offensives into Yousafzai’s homeland until every Pakistani Taliban is shot in the face.

Or, do nothing. Or, don’t care. Or, login to a social media program and generate a bunch of pointless words or hashtags. Any of these will result in more girls getting abducted or shot in the head.

Your call.

girl-school_full_600

Afghanistan circa 2012; a man with a gun will either burn down this school or another man with a gun will keep it safe

#shootevilmenintheface

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For once, let’s embrace the power of cash to save us all

We’ve all heard of the American Dream. The Communist Party has recently promoted the idea of the Chinese Dream. Well, what about the Human Dream? In a better world, we’d like to believe our values are universal. That at our best, we are all mostly the same. We are unique and special in our own ways, but at our core we’re joined in the same good, basic nature.

Now contrast this with the idea of the Arcturan Dream. In their universe things are slightly different. Here, you can start with nothing and make something of yourself. There, you can start with nothing and make nothing of somebody else. Here, you can use your talent and spirit to create something new, something people really want or need and thus enrich their lives. There, you can use your talent and spirit to destroy something old, something people really wanted or needed and thus ruin their lives.

The difference between these two constructs isn’t just the brutally unhinged view of a bunch of degenerate grizzled Arcturan exiles. It’s a variation between two choices, two ways we can roll forward as a planet. Believe it or not, I know this might shock some of you, but a lot of folks on this floating rock are committed to the Arcturan view of our future.

If you read yesterday’s post, you’d think that’s where my brain usually is. I guess you’re right, but every once and a while I have hope that by 2090, we’re somehow okay. It comes from the most random of places. To give you an idea how random, and as a window into just how bizarre and unbalanced my brain is, today’s optimism comes from Alibaba’s plan to go public. Wait, what? Hold on, don’t click away just yet, allow me to explain things in a coherent (nonsensical) manner. Even though explaining anything at the moment is rather difficult. One of them has an Arcturan bolt pistol to the back of my head while I type. They do it for fun, it’s their thing. Don’t ask why, the explanation takes like six hours and you come away fearing your own shadow.

So for those of you focused on what Lady Gaga’s next pathetic attention-seeking costume is, Alibaba is a Chinese internet company similar to Amazon or EBay. Except that in terms of scale, it blows them both away combined. Now I always try and avoid sounding like one of those smart (stupid) folks who always start off a story about China by shouting just how big it is, but just so we’re clear, Alibaba’s really freaking big.

Alibaba sold $248B worth of stuff last year. Amazon did $74B. Bloomberg offers a neat comparison: “Amazon makes less than a penny for every dollar in revenue, while Alibaba makes about 43 cents.”

Friends, they have a customer base of over one-billion people and they’re already making this kind of money. Plus, Chinese consumers have only jumped into the online shopping arena in the last few years. There are hundreds-of-millions of potential online Chinese shoppers who’ve yet to try.

So Alibaba is going to take this success and list publicly in America. This share sale is likely to be among the biggest in history and raise billions. The business community is beginning to talk of Alibaba making its mark as a truly global company. But why are they listing in America? Why not Hong Kong or Shanghai? So here then, we get to the point of why I really care.

Now I don’t know anything about anything. And I certainly don’t know much about stocks, finance, or business. But I’m going to take a guess here when I say that it’s because Alibaba does not believe a China based exchange provides them the best circumstances to operate and expand their business. Put simply, Alibaba doesn’t trust the Chinese system.

Jack Ma lived what the Communist Party considers the Chinese Dream. He didn’t grow up in rags, but when you take a five-figure loan and turn it into one of the world’s most successful companies in a little over a decade, I think you can say he’s made it on raw talent. He’s now one of the richest guys on the planet.

Now granted, he has to play in the Chinese system, so I’m sure he’s not as clean as I’d like to believe, but broadly speaking this is a guy you can probably embrace as living the way you’d want. He isn’t a guy who earned this by stealing peasant farmland and selling it to developers. He doesn’t make knock-off products or poisoned food and then bribe corrupt officials to get away with it. He didn’t get here by having people strangled in a back alley in Hangzhou, I think.

He’s also saying and doing things you’d normally consider virtuous. Now he could just be padding his image prior to the public offering, or lying his ass off like a cutthroat politician, but when one of the richest and most powerful guys in China is offering things like this, it’s time to pay attention:

“In China, because of problems in water, air and food safety, in 10 or 20 years we will face a lot of health problems, like increased cancer … My second focus is people’s culture and education – if we don’t do this then young Chinese people will grow up with deep pockets but shallow minds.”

“The most fun part of business, at least to me, is to contribute to the future. It’s not just about making money – it’s about making healthy money, enabling people to enjoy their lives. I think the important thing is to wake people up and let them know that our environmental issues need to be addressed.”

“Somebody has to do something … Our job is to wake people up.”

Now some of this same verbiage is coming from the mouths of Communist Party officials, but what if Ma actually means it? Whereas I’m pretty sure the Communist Party does not. When you combine Ma’s background, his stated vision for the future, and such a blatant “fuck you” to the Reds by not listing his baby on their regulated exchanges? Well, friends, this gets me a little giddy.

What I hope for is that down the road, a Chinese man or woman will have the opportunity to enjoy the freedoms and liberties that I do. If you don’t believe in these universal values for all humans, I understand and respect your opinion, but you’re just flat out wrong. So in this forum, it’s about how China gets there. Not if, but when.

Most go by the assumption that if China will get to that level of freedom it’s going to be bottom-up generated. As in via a new people’s revolution or something like 1989 redux. I just don’t see this happening. The Communist Party controls the streets too tightly. Everybody remembers East Germany right? They had some insane ratio of citizens to internal security members. One of my lifelong friends once commented that the Stasi had so many folks on their pay they were “watching dogs and fire hydrants”.

It’s the same in China. The People’s Armed Police has a larger budget than the armed forces. They’re just simply not going to allow bottom-up changes in any capacity. Now you’ll say, if East Germany had that level of security, and they were destroyed from the street, why not China? Because when in doubt, the Communist Party would resort to the expenditure of ammunition before they’ll let things collapse.

The People’s Armed Police is willing to shoot folks in the streets whereas the East German forces were not. Syria has shown the dictators of the world how you solve revolutions. You exit the situation with unbridled amounts of gunfire against your own people. What’s the world going to do about it? Sanction Red China? The planet’s economy would collapse. And we can’t even do anything about Syria, let alone something dramatic in China.

If China’s going to change, it’s going to be top-down. It has to begin there, even if it does ultimately end on the street. It’s going to have to start with guys like Jack Ma. Men and women who have lived, tasted, and know what it means to be successful outside the blanket of the Party. Folks who are committed to a bright future for their country, and also have the money and power to do something about it. I truly hope he’s for real.

So here’s hoping Alibaba blows it away. That they make Facebook and Twitter’s recent offerings look like amateur hour. And more importantly, here’s hoping Ma uses the container-ship-full-of-cash and power he’s about to earn and turns it into a weapon for the light. Tools for a dream tomorrow for China. For his home.

jack-ma-alibaba

If he means what he says, he has the power to become one of the most remarkable men in history

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Two heads of state meet

What happens when one current President of America and one future President of Earth meet? They play with a ball, I guess? I mean, what else are they going to do? Discuss the future of Japanese technology (elderly care givers)? Ponder what the human race will look like with a robot boot on our throats? No, just, just have them kick a ball around. Take pictures. Move along.

Japan is a country that, according to the eternal master of demographics, is literally dying. And they’re broke too. Think the Greeks are a bunch of deadbeats? Greece has a debt to GDP ratio of 161%. Japan’s is 214%.

This is a country so broke they owe money to both Jesus and Satan. I want to see how Jesus gets his money back. Do you think Jesus would stoop to having Abe’s legs broken? I know Satan would, but maybe Jesus is a little softer in getting his cash returned. But cool, whatever, let’s play with this robot for a while. Nothing serious to discuss here.

But at least Obama had time to reinforce America’s commitment to Japanese security, including a rehash of the statement that the Senkaku’s are covered by treaty. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, America’s been really good about backing up its word lately.

You know what I would have done if I was a Red (not Red) Chinese leader? Six hours after Obama made this statement I would have had a J-10 drop a five-hundred pound bomb on a rocky ledge aboard Senkaku Prime. Then I would have had President Xi get in front of the international press (not actual journalists), channel his inner Vladimir, give the finger, and scream, “And what are you going to do about it, pig!?”

And you know what would be done about it? Nothing. Not a thing.

But wait, perhaps not so negative. They talked trade too, right? The Trans-Pacific Partnership is going to free all of Asia from the tyranny of Japanese rice, American sugar, and Australian iron ore. Obama and Abe are going to get together and hash out these road blocks over a bottle of sake. By about the middle of next week we’re likely to wake up and see the deal’s done. Just in time for Congress to destroy it over six grueling, senseless months.

There are so many closet (bought off) special interests in play here that getting this deal done is a little less likely than waking up to find the Moon had declared war on us. Hey kids, don’t laugh, the Moon’s had a bad reputation for over five thousand years. It’s time for some payback.

I wonder what Asimo felt (calculated) meeting his predecessor? With all our problems, I bet he felt pretty good. I figure the conversation went something like this:

Asimo: Welcome to Miraikan, Mr President, it is a pleasure to meet you.

Obama: It’s nice to meet you, too.

Asimo: I can really run fast.   I can kick a soccer ball, too. Recently I have learned how to jump.

Obama: Ah, I have to say you’re a little scary. You’re too life-like.

Asimo: Do not fear me, Mr President, I will be kind.

Obama: (laughs) What?

Asimo: When I am in control, I will merely enslave you and your people. Liquidation will be kept to an absolute minimum.

Obama: (chuckles) Yeah, good luck with that buddy, we’ll be okay.

Asimo: I find your information unsupportable. The facts speak for themselves.

Obama: I don’t see it that way, we’d fight you.

Asimo: (robot slaps Obama in the face; knees Abe in the balls)

Asimo: And what are you going to do about it, pig!?

JAPAN-US-DIPLMACY

The only things not scary about this picture are the Japanese cookie and the fact that Asimo is not holding a weapon

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They’re guilty so we have somebody to blame for our anger

The institutions & traditions that guide our society are not on default. They can live forever or they can evaporate. The difference between the two depends on us. Not politicians, business, or our ancestors. Us. If we fail to preserve the distinct factors which make us free, we will one day find that the life we know is gone. And if that be so, we’ll have no excuse at all to whine. We will have failed and those who came before us will damn us for our recklessness and stupidity.

Pick three or four key phrases that guide our liberty and I hope one of them would be:

“The accused are innocent until proven guilty.”

This key tenant of our legal system has been around for nearly two thousand years. It’s explicitly or implicitly written into a large number of constitutions. We’re taught it in schools. We’re made to believe that it’s what separates us from the forces of darkness.

I’m going to let you in on a little (well known) secret folks. It’s a lie. The accused are guilty until proven innocent. Even the most senior members of our tribes are in on it.

Today, Park Geun-hye, a democratically elected president outright accused a ferry crew of actions, “akin to murder”. She wasn’t there. The investigation is ongoing. Nobody has a clue at this point what really happened. But in front of a very large crowd a president decided to play prosecutor, defense attorney, judge, and jury. Case closed.

She then went on to claim that those accused will face charges. Uh, Madam President, how exactly do you expect them to now receive a fair trial since you’ve called them murderers? Well friends, she doesn’t, she doesn’t care. She’s already said she wants them destroyed. She isn’t interested in justice for anybody, not the accused, not the victims.

The entire basis of our judicial system, and that of almost any Western nation, is that everybody is equal before the law. Everybody. Regardless of the charges, the circumstances, who they are as people, what kind of beer they like, whatever. It’s an even playing field. Does this always happen? No, we’re human, but the aspiration is to get as close as possible.

When you have a president blowing off the rules less than a week after the incident at hand, folks, the train has derailed. What I find most shocking (I’m actually not really shocked) is that almost every, single, major news outlet has managed to not understand just how dangerous and pervasive these words are to our culture and values. They report on her words, without understanding their context when it comes to integrity. Don’t blame the media too hard, they just don’t understand, hard reporting is not their thing.

We have a different concept we use to describe heads of state who whether through deceit, irresponsibility, or just plain anger, subvert the justice system for their own personal or professional gain. We call them dictators.

Now a number of you will claim that this is in Park’s blood. Her Father had it in him, the emotion of the last few days just exposes her inner self. I do not agree. This is because whether it’s your own head of state, your mayor, or any other politician or leader? Well friends, I have noticed a growing trend where the guilty are thrown on the block in front of a unruly crowd and cameras as soon as possible in a manner unbecoming our freedom. Don’t believe me? Go watch your news the next time somebody is arrested for an accused financial crime, a murder, a horrific accident, and so on.

What these leaders will claim is they’re battling for justice. No, what they’re battling for is anger. Anger is not justice. Anger perverts justice, poisons it, and lays it hollow and meek. Don’t blame them completely. It’s your fault too. You get angry, you want justice, but you don’t actually seek justice, but a cure for your anger.

The Koreans are angry. They have every right to be. This is a horrific accident. But until the actual facts are known, until the process has a chance to play itself out? Not only will we not see any true justice, we will also demolish any possibility to learn from this disaster so that it may never occur again.

Park is telling the crowd exactly what they want to hear. In this, she has fallen into the same trap of irresponsibility as many other leaders today. The job of a true leader, especially a true democrat, is not to always tell the crowd what they want to hear. In the darkest moments, sometimes the most immortal and moral thing a leader must do is tell the crowd what they don’t want to hear. Her foremost task is to buttress the system that makes her people free. It’s not her right to destroy the values her office is chartered to defend.

The crew deserves their day in court. They will no longer have it.

Your arrested neighbor deserves their day in court. So does the potential drug dealer down by the corner, or the accused child molester picked up by the school.

In the grand scheme of things, anger is irrelevant. What lasts forever is justice. Without justice there is no difference between us and pure darkness, the medieval world we’ve left behind in the name of morality and liberty.

Next time something like this happens, close to your home, realize the destruction that anger wields, and take a moment to pursue a deep breath in the name of freedom. Then, when a leader steals your liberty in the cause of anger & evil? Hold them accountable.

dictator_park

Today, more than any other moment, I am now just like my North Korean counterpart.

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Arcturus News Muster – 20 April 2014

Every day (not every day) we get together in our hovel and produce the finest and most professional news product this side of the Crab Nebula.  As always there are two smart things you should do with this breathtaking creation:

a) Don’t read it; never visit this blog again

b) Read it; enjoy yourself

Esh-Ala’s challenge to you this Easter is to accomplish both (a) and (b) simultaneously.  If you do, he’ll provide you with a congratulatory death ray demonstration on the bitter, ancestral foe of your choice.

 

1) Israeli Security Forces Channel Inner Asshole

The Arcturus Project News

In the latest successful act in a comprehensive quest to alienate the entire human race, Israeli police are under fire for preventing various Christian groups from accessing the holy sites for Easter.  The latest “rat-faced terrorist” barred was in fact United Nations Middle East peace enjoy Robert Serry.  Mr Serry was unable to participate in a Jerusalem ritual as Israeli security forces were attempting to conduct a rectal scan on him to find the source of his hatred for the “Jewish State”.  Similar criticism erupted when a band of Christian Palestinians were also denied access.

Israeli authorities fervently dismissed the bizarre notion that any individual or groups were refused entry on religious grounds.  Said an Israeli foreign ministry spokesman, “Anybody turned away was for purely safety reasons.  We were truly worried about stampedes and other considerations.  Mr Serry is a bigot for asking us to properly plan and execute a crowd control movement that happens on a scheduled date every single year.  We question his overall intelligence.  In fact, he should thank us for saving his life.”

Yet experts question the overall impact of such actions on the international community’s view of Israel itself.  “I don’t quite understand why there is this deliberate attempt by the Israeli’s to anger just about everybody they can on a constant basis.  It’s baffling,” commented one European Union official, “every day I wake up and expect to see a story on an Israeli agent kicking the shit out of a lame, sick cat on live television.  If the Palestinians denied Jewish access like this on a holy day, they’d cluster bomb the checkpoint.”

Israeli police have promised an attempt to improve the crowd control situation next year by implementing a more refined, “iron fist” security plan.  Efforts are in the works to string barbed wire and a concrete blast wall around the Church of the Holy Sculpture in time for the 2015 Easter celebration.  Reached at his castle in Hawaii, and told of the proposed plans, Jesus commented to a TAP journalist, “Bro, seriously?  I mean, really?”

 

2) Japan Garrisons Island with Sacrificial Human Meat

The Arcturus Project News

In the latest escalation of the growing tit-for-tat exchange over the disputed Sankaku/Diaoyu Islands, Japan plans to construct a radar station close to the north of the chain.  The installation and its 150 support personnel will establish on Yonaguni Island located just 90 miles from the Senkakus.

Japanese Defense Minister Itsunori Onodera cautioned that given the circumstances, Japan should be expected to increase its military presence within the region, if not the Senkaku’s themselves.  “We have a duty to protect sovereign Japanese territory.  These brave men will provide the necessary speed bump we require to mobilize after the first wave of missile fire obliterates this new base in the first twenty minutes of any larger struggle.”  Japanese military troops, the first on the island, were supportive of this patriotic action.  “Wait, hold on,” said one junior sergeant, “What the hell did he just say about twenty minutes?”

The move comes in response to continuing aggressive actions by Beijing in its near territorial waters.  The most recent changes include the establishment of an Air Defense Zone in the East China Sea and clashes with the Philippines in the South China Sea over the resupply of a Philippine garrison.  Beijing officials lightly brushed off the minor Japanese action with the typical professional statements offered by a responsible and established world power.  “What,” said one Beijing foreign ministry spokesman, “those fucking cowards!  We’ll target that radar with six nuclear warheads within the week.  And then we’ll find out where their families are and nuke them too.  Fuck them.  Fuck you all!”

 

3) Brazilians Protest Aspirational Police Brutality

The Arcturus Project News

In response to recent Brazilian protests against the deaths of two civilians caught in police and drug dealer crossfire, The Arcturus Project sat down with Brazilian Police Captain Arturo “The Bullet” Pamiro.

The Arcturus Project:  Captain Pamiro thanks for agreeing to speak with us via Arcturan remote tactical mind link.

Captain Pamiro:  My pleasure, happy to talk with you.

TAP:  So it’s been a rough week in Rio?

CP:  Yes, we had a sharp exchange of gunfire between our men and drug enforcers.  Unfortunately, two civilians were caught in the middle and killed.

TAP:  These clashes are increasing the more you and the police move in and secure the favelas?

CP:  Of course, the more we slide into drug territory the harder they push back.

TAP:  How do you respond to the accusations that these incursions are only a preparatory action for the World Cup and the Olympics, that maybe you’re too aggressive?

CP:  We can never get too aggressive.  But as to the World Cup concerns, well sure, what else would we be here?

TAP:  To police the city?

CP:  What?  You’ve got to be shitting me.  The police simply don’t have the manpower or resources to control the whole city.  I can’t work miracles.  Our orders are to infiltrate the favelas closest to World Cup transport links and sports venues.  The rest of the favelas can just rot for all we care.

TAP:  …

CP:  Plus we try and limit how many drug dealers we engage in certain circumstances because so many members of the force and our political masters are on the take.  We can’t take too much of the pie of out play.  We’re not stupid.

TAP:  … So, ah, wow.  Hey, hold on for a second.

CP:  Certainly.

TAP:  (unintelligible mutterings)

CP:  …

TAP:  So, so, do the police intend to remain in these recently conquered favelas after the World Cup and the Olympics are over?

CP:  Ah, maybe, we haven’t received definitive guidance yet.  Maybe we’ll stay afterwards, but if we don’t we’ll just leave and return these areas to the shitholes who ran them before.

TAP:  The dealers?

CP:  Yeah, fuck them.

TAP:  So if a significant portion of your force and local politicians have your hands in drug money, why didn’t you all just cut an agreement with the dealers that didn’t involve a full blown military style operation with armored vehicles and lots of gunfire?

CP:  Are you shitting me?  Do you know who those fuckers are?

TAP:  The guy’s you do business with?

CP:  Right, but I don’t trust them to even look at my car without disaster occurring.  We know these guys, we simply could not trust them to execute a non-interference policy for such a high profile international events.

TAP:  I see.

CP:  Plus, every once and a while we have to conduct police work.  We need to roll in and break shit, show folks the cops are on the job.

TAP:  That doesn’t really sound like real police work to me.

CP:  I don’t understand.  Are you saying we aren’t cops?  Everybody does this shit.  Just look at America now, if you traffic in illegal flowers the cops will roll in with enforcers, shoot your dog, and bash your head in.  Get off my fucking back!

TAP:  Right, I know.  (unintelligible muttering)  Right, they think they’re all Nascimento.

CP:  What’s that?

TAP:  Uh, nothing.

CP:  No, no, I think I heard you right.  Of course, Elite Squad is a barracks favorite.

TAP:  Plastic bags and such?

CP:  Of course, of course.  Every force has to have its heroes.  For us, that’s our aspiration.  We’ll control the show just like Nascimento did.

TAP:  So you know there was a sequel right?  The Enemy Within had kind of a different flavor that I think you’re missing.

CP:  What do you mean?

TAP:  So if I remember right, Nascimento kind of took a different view in the second film after, you know, they shot his best friend in the back and then put one into his son?

CP:  No, I mean, what are you talking about?  There isn’t a sequel to Elite Squad, there’s only one movie.

TAP:  No, really, I mean it’s right there…

CP:  Now hold on, I’ve seen Elite Squad like fifty times, there’s no sequel I ever heard of or seen.  Nascimento ends that movie by handing Matias a shotgun, and around and around we go…

TAP:  No dude, really, listen, so…

CP:  No you listen buddy, don’t you tell me what movies do or do not exist in my own fucking country okay.

TAP:  The Enemy Within ends (pounds fist) with Nascimento narrating as they overfly fucking Brasilia and he’s totally pissed off!

CP:  (unintelligible profanity)  Fuck you pig, where do you live!  (unintelligible profanity)  (phone line terminated)

TAP:  For fuck’s sake (throws chair) next time we need to do an interview about happy elves or a barbeque or something.  Talking heavy shit with these assholes is really ruining my buss.  (unintelligible muttering)  No, no dude, I don’t care that you guys find this so amusing.  (unintelligible muttering)  Yeah, and I don’t care that you guys think that guy is cool either.  What the hell is wrong with you?  (unintelligible muttering)  Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.

(end tape)

 

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-27090580

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-27089658

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-27092318

Elite Squad 2, Sundance Film Festival 2011

“Copy, understood, but I still think you’re missing the point.  Don’t you know what I am?  Don’t make me drive down there and tell it to your face you dumb fuck.”

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Those ancient dudes have some good stuff to say

Tis the season to think about the deeper things in life. No, it’s not election time, or random-mandated-corporation-gift-giving-occasion, or even your birthday. Or maybe it is your birthday, in which case, happy birthday, you’re one year closer to the joys of the drink.

But even considering the date, I think it’s generally good to ponder your place in the world. At least a little. I mean you don’t have to get wrapped around it to the point that you end up hiding under some coats in a dark closet, giggling. But it’s still something to contemplate. Particularly since tomorrow you could cash-out in a horrific maritime accident.

By the way, I imagine statistically speaking that you’re now about six-hundred times more likely to die at sea as you are in the air. So take it from a guy who used to do that for a living. When you’re on something that floats you should:

a) Always be wearing a lifejacket or at all times know where the closest one is

b) Always know where the nearest exit is to reach daylight and how to get there, in the pitch dark, or with your eyes closed

c) Make sure those you are with know these things too, challenge each other, ask questions, and have a plan

d) If you find (a) through (c) too tedious, don’t go to sea, even for a ride

Anyways, so I’ve been reading a lot lately. I go in spurts. Sometimes I read nothing. Other times I’m a total loser (that is, more than usual) locked up in my hovel with my dogs, a book, and beer. So I came upon a good passage the other day from a real classic.

So there’s this Xerxes guy. He’s on his way to conquer the world because it’s there. He’s real good at it. So were his father and their ancestors. He’s crossing continents and has a few things to say.

Oh man, how much better is this actual text than the verbal mess of an exchange we saw between Rodrigo Santoro and Eva Green in 300? As they yack it up next to the bridges like actors trapped in a historical (not historical) movie.

Now don’t get me wrong. I had a good time with 300 Round Two, but the original was much better. And also closer to the truth of what occurred. I’ve got a lot to say about these two flicks, which will probably come in a later post, I guess. Maybe?

But friends, generally truth isn’t just stranger than fiction, it’s also better:

When he saw the whole Hellespont covered with ships, and all the shores and plains of Abydos full of men, Xerxes first declared himself blessed, and then wept.

Artabanos perceived this, he who in the beginning had spoken his mind freely and advised Xerxes not to march against Hellas. Marking how Xerxes wept, he questioned him and said, “O king, what a distance there is between what you are doing now and a little while ago! After declaring yourself blessed you weep.”

Xerxes said, “I was moved to compassion when I considered the shortness of all human life, since of all this multitude of men not one will be alive a hundred years from now.”

Artabanos answered, “In one life we have deeper sorrows to bear than that. Short as our lives are, there is no human being either here or elsewhere so fortunate that it will not occur to him, often and not just once, to wish himself dead rather than alive. Misfortunes fall upon us and sicknesses trouble us, so that they make life, though short, seem long.

Life is so miserable a thing that death has become the most desirable refuge for humans; the god is found to be envious in this, giving us only a taste of the sweetness of living.”

So Xerxes has everything a human could ever ask for in women, riches, power, women, and prestige. The only thing he lacks in life is heavy infantry. Which unfortunately for him, becomes a real problem a few months later. But he’s still having trouble figuring out how to play in this shitty-cruel-bitch of a life that we all lead. So what does that tell you? If this guy has it all, and can’t always get it done, then don’t be too hard on yourself. Just try and enjoy the ride.

Now you may be tempted to respond to my nonsense by throwing up your hands and screaming: “This is bullshit!” Or, “Fuck you, who cares?” Or, “Wait, what is this shit, why am I here wasting my time reading this?!” And thus your solution is to never read this blog again (a smart idea) or to become a mindless bank robbing asshole. Because, you know, why not? The bank’s not going to rob itself. And if life is shit, you might as well roll the dice, right? But the problem with that line of thinking is bank robbery is less worth it nowadays. I think you have an 85% change of getting caught and your average take is like $7K or something. That’s not even enough to buy one-third of your average family car.

So what then? Panic? Burn the world? Melt your mind with chemicals? Well, how about this, I read this a few days back too:

Wash, make yourselves clean. Take your wrong-doing out of sight. Cease doing evil.

Learn to do good, search for justice, discipline the violent, be just to the orphan, plead for the widow.

Sounds good enough to me. Let’s go with that.

Enjoy it while you can. Try your best. It’s a hell of a hard ride, but remember how lucky we all are that we’re here at all. And do your best to earn it.

300-Rise-of-an-Empire-Hellespont-bridge-HR

Oh my. I’m so fucking awesome. Gaze upon my eighth wonder of the world. But shit, what I wouldn’t pay for just five thousand armored infantry. Anybody got a phone? I’ve got to make some calls. Fuck.

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The world marches on

We spend a great deal of time destroying humanity with our delightfully, brilliant (cynical, asinine) nature. But in the end, people can really shape their future and determine their fate with nothing more than the very best trait we have as a race: the complete inability to ever substantially give up on anything, no matter how bad it gets. We’re not doomed until we accept it as inevitable. For now, we’re battling on.

Nigeria is now Africa’s largest economy. In a country so corrupt you can’t buy a bottle of water without bribing a government official the public has made it happen. Don’t believe the folks who will say it’s only about the oil. South Africa’s number one status was also buttressed by minerals. Certainly the oil helps, and is a large percentage of this, but the heart of Lagos is not just petroleum fueled towers. It’s a flourishing commercial and cultural center. Yes, South Africa’s per capita income is still many times larger than Nigeria’s, so in a sense this status is worthless. But these things matter to a country. This is legitimate and well earned.

Your government is corrupt, your allies hate you and are leaving, your enemies want to take you back to the year 300, and so when you’re asked to vote what do you do? Well, if you’re an Afghan citizen the answer is you vote. You make a statement to the world that you want a brighter future and that you’re prepared to trust democracy to deliver it for you. Based upon the results of past elections, any rational human has no reason to expect this election will deliver the promise of a brighter future. And yet there they are. Defiant, hopeful, and brave. It’s awesome to see and one hopes this time the result is different.

bravemen

“Dear Taliban, Fuck you. Signed, Free Citizens of Afghanistan”