In the third incident this year alone, dashing war hero General Han Solo crashed landed the Millennium Falcon into a bantha manure pile barn. Witnesses say they observed a drunken Solo depart The Cantina only minutes before the increasing common aviation incident.
The episode mirrors other recent occurrences such as where Solo taxied his borrowed T-16 across an active landing pad. Or when several years ago Solo flew the Falcon low over a transport carrying 110 civilian passengers.
In the latest event Solo was said to have been upset after he and General Leia ended their tumultuous but galaxy wide famed relationship for the fourth time in five years. “I really don’t know why he tied one on like that,” said ace pilot and obsessive skirt chaser Wedge, “They’re just gonna get back together again in a few months.”
The Falcon is said to be down for several weeks of repairs. But perhaps the more significant concern were the injuries sustained by famed Rebel warrior Chewbacca whose ultra long right leg suffered fractures in five places. As a warlike race, when told he would require several surgeries and months of hoverchair time the wookie was said to have moaned, “Kill me. Please, kill me,” repeatedly to a largely disinterested medical droid.
Critics, likely Imperial sympathizers, have suggested that were Solo anybody but General Solo he would have lost his pilot’s license years ago. “Are you kidding me,” said Constable Red Shirt, “If I took his license the Rebel underground would have my throat slashed that very night.”
Others have wondered if a breathing device could be affixed to the Falcon’s cockpit to verify Solo was sober before powering up the engines but others are skeptical of the plan. Said Wedge, “He’d just shoot it first.”