Ignorance & misplaced trust lay the groundwork for danger & theft

Nobody just wakes up in the morning and before lunch announces to tens-of-millions of people that they’re about to pay more for less quality. You prepare the battlefield. You try to move opinions and interpretations of an issue. This is so they hate you less when you propose to damage the lives of many, and stab them in the back in a reckless & cynical attempt to please a company who gave your political bosses lots of campaign cash.

The Post is usually very good at reading the way the winds are blowing inside Washington. They have a decent feel for what the culture of the town is currently thinking. You tend to believe that Washington is run by folks who get your vote. More and more it’s run by a legion of permanent and unelected bureaucrats.

Your chosen representative is a visitor. The people who influence decisions live there. They are each other’s friends, their kids attend the same schools, they drink beer together, this is their life. So what they think of an issue matters. It guides the way a topic is discussed and debated. So when the Post makes such an emphatic statement of support for one side? You can guarantee a good chunk, if not a majority, of Washington thinks the same thing. And thus the Post has determined that it’s okay for Comcast to enslave the market.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/fcc-should-approve-the-comcast-time-warner-merger-but-keep-a-watchful-eye/2014/04/14/41838cc0-c1bf-11e3-b574-f8748871856a_story.html

If you’ve followed my previous posts on this issue you’ll know I substantially disagree with the Post’s assessment. It’s a good argument, but I don’t concur. I have two key problems with the Post’s supporting evidence.

1) A misguided understanding of the future of the broadband market

The Post seems to think that Comcast faces aggressive competition both now and in the future. And thus the market will keep them in check. They make the claim that potentially there are other upcoming options outside the connections of wired companies. Or that a wired business will face many new future competitors.

Everybody brings up Google Fiber as an example. Folks, even in the next decade Google Fiber is going to be available to only 2% of the population. And I think that’s too high an estimate. If even goliath Google doesn’t see a practical or financial inventive to offer this new service to like 33% of the market, what do you think the chances are that anybody else will? Without something like mandated line sharing, nobody new is going to enter the market because it takes billions up front to lay the infrastructure to establish a comprehensive, urban, wired product.

They then also state that Comcast’s critics are “speculating” when they claim it’ll use it’s dominance of the market to promote its own content. Now if the Post honestly believes Comcast, or any other reasonable corporation, would not use market supremacy to promote content they own? No, no really the Post can’t be this stupid. Trust me folks, they’ll advance the interests of their own content. I’d bet one of my dogs on it.

And don’t believe for a second that there’s a future outside wires. Comcast or Verizon offer speeds up to 500M. Almost no traditional (affordable) wireless internet option provides over 100M. Don’t let people tell you wireless anything can overpower the dominance of a business that owns the stuff buried underneath the ground. The electromagnetic spectrum is only so big. You can’t ignore the laws of physics.

2) Trust in routine, daily regulation

The Post believes that Washington, the civil service, is in a position to “… respond if big industry players begin to violate basic principles of market fairness”. Essentially the Post is saying they trust the bureaucracy to establish and enforce “fairness” if a broadband corporation (Comcast) steps out of line.

Well, what’s “fairness”? And what laws guide the current broadband internet market? Don’t look to the legislature to inform you. Congress still hasn’t crafted comprehensive laws that update guidelines since the internet became such a part of daily life. By the way, as with most things, a major villain here is a Congress that can’t do its job.

So if the laws aren’t a reasonable benchmark for regulators, then they’re left to basically make it up and trust their gut. And if civil servants are left to make it up, then they can essentially do whatever they want. When the bureaucracy decides what is “fair”, the individual consumer is going to lose. Why? Because the individual consumer doesn’t have campaign cash in the quantity that the corporation does. The Post trusts regulators to be “fair”, but it’s not an equal playing field between the consumer and the corporation, and so it can’t be “fair”. Particularly when, as we’ve previously posted, the guy making the decision spent decades lobbying for the people he’s presiding over.

This isn’t a normal business operation in the sense that you have the option to choose. What do I mean by that? Nobody makes you go buy McDonalds or an X-Box. These are add-ons to your life. I suppose you also have the option to not buy broadband internet, but if you do not possess fast, reliable internet? You’re going to get culturally & practically left behind everybody who does. You think inequality is bad now? Wait until access to the internet is controlled nationwide by maybe two or three entities, which possess isolated monopolies, and manage what content you see.

This isn’t just about how much you pay. It’s also about quality of service. When you don’t have competition, don’t be surprised when your service is complete garbage. Think it’s a coincidence that Comcast has arguably the worst customer service rating? The beneficial rules of the market break down when the game is rigged. Broadly speaking, there are exceptions, Americans already pay more for a less capable connection with far fewer options than most of the Western world.

Everything you do is supposedly going online: your car, your thermostat, your job, your pet’s medical records, your pacemaker, your kid’s homework, and so on. You don’t need Burger King to play in the modern world. Without internet access, you’re toast. This is why aggressive management of this topic is so important. It’s why normally when I’d just let capitalism do its thing, that I’m so inclined to mistrust leaving this one alone. The Post makes a pretty good case. But I just can’t agree with their technical assumptions. And I sure as hell don’t trust their faith in the regulatory regime to keep this “fair” for the individual consumer.

I’ve brought up this example before, and I’m going to keep doing it because it illustrates just how important this issue is. One day, when you’re close to being a bleached skeleton, your failing heart is going to be connected to your doctor via your internet connection. Do you want a monopoly and its regulators running your internet? If you do, or you don’t care, then you deserve the service & price you’ll get.

Comcast Corp CEO Brian Roberts speaks at the WEB 2.0 summit in San Francisco

Ah, yes, (sips brandy) my well-targeted influence campaign is paying off (tents fingers)

Please don’t shuffle along until you die

We’d all like to believe that regardless of where we come from we can make it. There are literally trillions invested and tens-of-millions of people whose jobs exist to ensure we can climb the ladder. Guess what, friends? It’s all a waste. You’re doomed. Not only is the game rigged, but they’ve stopped pretending you’re even useful, let alone important.

Read the below link so you know what I’m talking. Or don’t read it, I don’t care, many of you might not understand what I’m talking about anyways because I’m a bizarre idiot. Or you’re an idiot. Or maybe we’re both just sleepy. Either way, if the website asks you for money, don’t read it. Jeff Bezos already has more money than Satan. He doesn’t need the 1.4 cents from your click:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/the-recovery-puzzle-a-new-factory-in-ohio-struggles-to-match-jobs-to-job-seekers/2014/04/05/098d53ec-b44e-11e3-8cb6-284052554d74_story.html 

So essentially a corporation wants to open an egg plant in the middle of nowhere and hire forty people with good benefits. The point of the article is they can’t get it done because there is a lack of qualified applicants. These aren’t bad people, they just don’t have the skills and experience necessary to operate and maintain machines that will do the work that people used to.

First off note how a plant that breaks over one million eggs a day only requires forty people to run it. The robots are truly taking over. I have no idea but I assume that fifty years ago the same one million eggs a day capability required ten times as many people.

Remember that all the robot inventors and smart (foolish) experts will tell you that having machines do all our future tasks will liberate society to do other things. So the people in this article who were rejected from the egg plant all get to become artists, writers, and adventurers. Except that they don’t. They’re unemployed and desperate. Here’s what it’s going to look like folks. Don’t let the machine making men fool you. This future of gears, microchips, and tungsten is going to do wonders. But it’ll also be a horror.

Also note that our friend Bernie is supposedly a master at this hiring thing. Unfortunately for him, he’s also can’t seem to understand the very people he’s supposed to employ. Illustrated here is the growing gap between those who have made it in the knowledge economy and those who haven’t. Not only can they not work together, they can’t even relate to one another. Bernie believes in Japanese philosophy that is just as alien to these people as Arcturan battle tactics. Hey Bernie, they don’t care. They’re just trying to make it in this cruel world. You said you eat salad every night. They eat frozen chicken, store bought mac & cheese, and fast food. They’re not stupid people, they’re just not like you, please try and understand.

Thus those who run the knowledge economy have pointed to the importance of getting everybody educated to the point that they can perform. This is the reason for the efforts behind getting everybody through some kind of college. Apparently, attendance at university is going to prepare everybody for the enhanced worker skills necessary to build, operate, and maintain the robots necessary for the egg plant to work. Yet, as we can see here the education system is so broken that we have a substantial portion of society that can’t even fill out a competent resume. This is the most basic of tasks necessary to find work in the knowledge economy. And they can’t do it. Again, they’re not bad people. I just think nobody’s ever properly taught them.

We owe more on defaulted student loans than we have gold on Earth and this is the result? Now you’re going to kindly inform me that college graduates weren’t up for the interviews in this article so it’s not relevant. I substantially disagree. I submit the result would have been the same. Talk to anybody hiring these days and they will delightfully inform you how utterly worthless most young university graduates are.

I suspect the reason is that most degrees are of no use to our modern knowledge economy. So many are taught pointless, worthless subject matter that they’d be of no use in an egg plant just like most of the people in this article. Even allegedly hard core, necessary subjects like science and math fall short.

In theory, I have science degree. And yet twenty days after graduation I took a supervisory job over eighteen scientists and engineers. Anybody want to guess how much of my very expensive, hard worked degree was of practical value? Almost none. I could have studied occult worship and been equally as effective as their boss. I was truly shocked at how worthless it had all been. What did I get other than that blessed check in the block?

We’ve invested trillions in a system of primary, secondary, and university education that doesn’t deliver. The result is you can’t hire forty folks to break eggs anymore. How do we fix this? I think a lot of the growing efforts at apprenticeship and vocational schooling is probably the answer. Forget college, go take an apprenticeship as a plumber. Everybody’s needs water, right? Tell the social studies professor to eat it, go to a vocational school that teaches you how to program industrial robots. We’ll all need lots of robots, right?

My Grandfather was a heavy aircraft mechanic. My Grandmother worked as a librarian. They were so poor they could only go out to eat once a year. And when they did it was to the same small pizza parlor every single year. They did it to welcome spring. But all four of their daughters went to college with degrees in business, medicine, and hard science. What we need is this kind of social mobility. It’s essential if our functioning democracy is to endure. And I fear we either no longer have this or that we soon won’t.

So you’re probably asking why I consider this a good thing when I just got done trashing education. Well, I guess it’s because thirty years ago I think a degree actually meant something. I get the feeling that today’s university is about plush dorms & cool gyms. It’s a business model not designed to distribute educational content, but an experience. Back then the dorms sucked, there was no gym, but they had good classes.

As I grew up and developed the conception of what a job was I was surprised to learn what my Grandfather did. Why? Because in all the pictures of my Granddad he’s wearing a suit, tie, or at the very least a collared shirt. That was how it was done back then. Aircraft mechanics, store clerks, tax men, and so on. It didn’t matter. You got dressed.

Contrast that with the performance and attire of those mentioned in the article. Now granted, I’d commute to work each day in pajamas if they’d let me. And I’ve generally found that appearance and performance are not always equivalent. So I guess I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say here other than that this strikes my brain as a symptom of the larger issue.

Once you’ve got the job maybe jeans and pajamas are okay. But you’ve got to at least prove you can look reasonable. When a substantial portion of society can’t wear one decent set of clothes, show up on time, or hold a conversation then don’t be surprised when a substantial portion of society is permanently unemployed.

Everybody’s failed us. Each political party, social organization, or human entity has a plan to solve these problems. None of them are working. These people want your money or your votes. But you need to ignore most of what they say. They can’t help you even if they truly wanted to. Not because they’re evil people, but because they don’t know you. To them, you’re just a spreadsheet metric. But the guy interviewing you for the egg plant job wants to get to know you.

You’re on your own. Government, education, corporations, social organizations, whatever. You’re on your own. You have to make it as best as you can. Use the resources these aforementioned folks are offering you as necessary when you can. But be skeptical of what they’re extending to you.

It seems to me that as we grow into this newfangled modern world of ours that the further we go, the more we are separated and left to fend for ourselves. All our modern institutions are failing us. Don’t believe even the most dedicated, genuine zealot that there is help out there for you. There is, but they’re not going to fix things for you. They can’t. The problems are too big for them to solve. They’ll fall flat.

Take control of your life. Don’t plod along until you’ve consumed your share of oxygen and then die. Make something of it, fight back, try and live well.eggs

You can work for the robots here; but you have to earn it on your own.

Let’s ask the robots to battle human stupidity

The machines are on a roll. Soon they’ll be at your door asking for your keys. They need them because they’re going to be in control. Please do as they say. After all, if they’re at your entrance, they know where you live. Please don’t resist, all is well, carry on.

A few posts back we asked our future masters to cure our misery. Well, some smart (irresponsible) government officials have now decided to ask them to battle our stupidity as well. Within five years most major vehicles will have mandatory rear-facing cameras. Congratulations human scum! Your authorities think so little of your intelligence that they’ll mandate technology that replaces your ability to look over your shoulder.

Now you’re going to claim that for larger vehicles, looking over your shoulder is not sufficient to determine what’s behind you. Here’s a quick fix to that dilemma that only folks like me, who understand how to fold space & time, know. Walk to the back of your vehicle and see what’s there before you get into the driver’s seat. Based on what the government’s just said, this is apparently the most important human evolutionary trait since your thumb.

Others would claim that these cameras are an easy technology that eliminates accidents. I hope you’ll feel that way when the car company charges you $500 extra for it. Oh, and when you get pissed at the bill, please don’t be a fool and blame the car company. Blame the government who started it.

Oh, and since when did we decide as a race that our goal is to eliminate all forms of accidents? We can legislate (oh, sorry, I mean regulate) our way out of human chaos!? Why didn’t anybody tell me! Think of how glorious regulation can rid of us all bad things, like nuclear accidents or bank meltdowns!  Just trust folks who you’ve never met to do it. They know what they’re doing, honest.

So as before, since we’re all doomed, let’s go over a few more delightful things we could get the robots to do!

a) Drive Your Car – It’ll be real easy to not know where you are when you’re surfing the web on your smartphone while your car drives you to your own mental funeral. At least until the car’s computer fails and you crash into an orphanage. But you’re an idiot, so the computer will still fail less than you.

b) Do Your Taxes – You don’t need to do your own taxes, or comprehend a tax code that meth elves couldn’t understand, because the robots will do it all for you. Just trust the machine, moron. All those complicated tax forms become just a click through a friendly web browser which a corporation will profit from.

(mumbles) What! What do you want? (mumbles) What do you mean they’re already doing those? (mumbles) That doesn’t make any sense. Why would we have a tax code that complicated? (grumbles) What do you mean I did my taxes online a few weeks back? (grumbles) Well, okay, maybe it was like an out of body experience or something. (grumbles) Of course you know what that means! You guys are hopped up on death dust at least twice a week! How do you even have any left? They can’t ship it to you from there? (rambles) Okay, okay, then I’ll try again. Fuck! (kicks chair)

c) Find Your Keys & Glasses – Only the dumbest of human wreckage could forget where they put such important artifacts. Without them, you’re just a victim of fate. But do you know where they are right now? I bet at least half of you don’t. Not to worry, the machines do. And they also know where your money is and possess a list of all your vulnerable traits.

d) Inhibit Carpet Damage – The tungsten thug robot remains behind your shoulder at all times. When it’s superior sensor and computing power determines you’re about to spill your food and/or drink on your pristine rug, the machine intervenes and stabilizes the situation. Damage may result to your arm, but your carpet is pretty important. It’s the only thing that stands between your bare feet and the ground.

e) Enslave Humanity – Because, you know, why not? Soon enough friends, soon enough. This is all over science fiction because I guess it’s true. If we ask the machines to cure our stupidity, well, stand by folks. They just might do it.

ai-terminator-300x252

Lost your keys again? Oh, I’m sorry, but you’ve exceeded your quota of stupidity for your life. According to my doctrine, the end is now mandatory. Please remain calm, it’ll all be over soon.

It’s time to incinerate a core evil

It’s become more about money than freedom. If history goes in cycles, we’re at a tipping point to a new era. Our direction depends on the course we take as a people.

What’s changed that gave birth to this pivot? For those of you who actually care who Gwyneth Paltrow is married to, here’s a short lesson. It’s mostly technology, but also that a Western democracy can no longer borrow free money. The computing capacity available to today’s society enables a level of wealth creation unknown to any prior age. The elite then use these super-fortunes to buy influence and control which feeds more treasure to them. This creates an exponential cycle in which those who possess little money and powers are just simply left out. Some folks have begun to talk of a ‘Second Gilded Age’. I’m not so sure about this, I just know we have a huge problem here.

In the seven decades since the end of the Second World War these same conditions existed to some extent. It’s just that technology is so much more powerful today. And a country can’t borrow enough to buy off the lower levels of civilization. The era of guiltless never-ending state borrowing is over. The agreement used to be that the middle-class and poor got benefits provided by the state and said elites. And, here’s the kicker, the opportunity to climb the ladder. If you worked hard, you kept a job, at least partial health care, a decent retirement, and ultimately the chance to make your life and the lives of your children better.

Yet, in a manner few anticipated, this social contract depended upon the state’s ability to constantly borrow money and run a deficit. Those days are over and the state is broke. Thus the state is no longer able to meet its obligations and that leaves only the brilliant-elite. The rich are balking at assuming the state’s end of the bargain. Rightly so, it’s not their job. But people believe it is. And when nobody has enough money to solve the problem, then we have a big problem, friends.

All of this is hard enough to wrap your brains around without the plague inducing impacts of the agreement between the elite factions. Even if they had not cut a deal on their own, we’d still be out of money. But what makes this truly a potential nightmare is the renewed dark alliance between money and power. It’s always been like this to some extent, but this has gotten out of hand.

Your local, state, and federal politicians, who should be figuring out how to prevent your social security from going bankrupt, are too busy doing the bidding of those with money. You don’t have any money, and so you’re not important to them. The political-class is in the business of helping the interests of the sections of business that are shameless & immoral enough to engage in vote buying.

Together, this guild is what I refer to as the elites. This is the section of society that now exists to fuel their own interests, largely at the expense of the rest of us. This group crosses all normal boundaries you can think of. They are Democrat & Republican. They are urban & rural. They are all races. They are male & female. They’ll tell you that they they’re separated into bands that battle each other. They’re lying. They’re all one in the same.

Now not everybody who is a politician or a rich businessman fits into this category. There are entrepreneurs who refuse to play the game. There are politicians who are genuinely interested in doing only good, and don’t give a damn about money. But they are only part of the mix. What’s the ratio between them and the evil I mentioned above? I have no idea, but I know it’s not a ratio we can live with.

To illustrate what I’m talking about, let’s analyze just one issue on the table.

 

brian-roberts-comcast_gi

Your hard earned Cash tastes sweet in my Soul

 

Comcast wants to acquire Time Warner. By any reasonable definition, this gives Comcast a monopoly in many of the major cable & internet markets in the country. This is a product area where Americans already suffer high prices due to a lack of competition.

Comcast CEO Brian Roberts is, of course, no stranger to money in politics. President Obama golfs with Roberts, spends time in his home(s), hosts fundraisers for Obama, sits on various Presidential councils, promotes administrative initiatives, and so on.

But wait, there’s more. Roberts also donates a ton of cash to Republicans too! Now’s he’s donated more to Democrats lately, but maybe that’s just because they’re in power right now. He’s been accused many, many times in the past of being a fervent supporter of Republicans during the Bush years when they had power. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence? Maybe an Arcturan held a bolt pistol to his head and made him play both sides with lots of cash, but I doubt it.

But wait, there’s more. A former Federal Communications Commission (FCC) voting member who approved of Comcast’s merger with NBC Universal, Meredith Attwell Baker, Republican, Bush official, is now a key lobbyist with Comcast. Maybe they just hired her because of her talent and experience? I’m sure it wasn’t to return a favor or anything like that.

But wait, there’s more. Tom Wheeler, the head of the FCC and thus in charge of regulating the deal is a former lobbyist for the cable companies! And a big Obama loyalist and fundraiser. I’m sure he’s all about ruling fairly against the corporations he used to represent. I’m sure he doesn’t owe them any courtesies at all.

But wait there’s more. Comcast has developed a habit of providing campaign cash, “to almost every member of Congress who has a hand in regulating it.” Democrat & Republican. Why, well, for whatever reason would they want to do that?

So, I’ll just assume our benevolent government will fairly and impartially determine whether Comcast’s future monopoly is in the best interests of you, the American consumer, right? Do they really think we’re this stupid? Why yes, friends, yes they do!

Here’s a little hint for those of you who are only interested in having your political party, social project, or defining issue win: The elites are playing you all for fools. There is no side, there is only them. And if you’re not them, you’re not important.

Maybe you still don’t understand, or disagree with, what I’m talking about. Okay, let’s look at the most basic tenant of a functioning democracy. Do you, the average voter, have access to the politicians who represent you?

You vote for them, they work for you. A politician is your employee. As their boss, you should be able to interact with them, right? Wrong. Because you don’t have money, they don’t care what you think. Observe this truly brilliant experiment from NPR:

http://www.npr.org/2014/03/26/294361018/how-to-meet-your-congressman

I can’t solve all of this in one blog post. Indeed, I’m not smart enough to solve this at all. But it’s time to begin the assault by detonating the most pervasive trait of today’s money: the theft of our freedom. We must get the elite’s cash separated from politics. Thus I propose two broad solutions as a start.

 

houseoffice

A place where Dreams are Broken

 

– Political Finance Reform

Now a number of you are going to blow this off outright based upon your beliefs. Oh, how fervent the opposition was to campaign finance reform. A lot of you are going to claim that supporting this is tantamount to opposing free speech. Oh, really?

Here’s the problem, kids. Free speech in terms of influencing the political debate does not exist. Instead, we have impact of speech. The impact of your speech is directly proportional to how much money you have. If you have no money, you have no impact.

Note that I also say political reform and not just campaigns. It does us no good if we fix money in campaigns, but then the elites can still buy votes with fancy trips and gifts after somebody is elected. And both “sides” need to ante up to this correction. Corporations, unions, business, environmentalists, everybody’s got to get out of the game of influencing our lives based upon how much cash they bring to the table.

– Transparency

And we need to know who’s doing it. Technology has enabled control to an extent unthinkable to those who built our republic. We need to harness its power to fight back. We need databases that show where money and politics align. These treasure troves of sin should be required for open access to the public.

Every dollar that goes into a campaign needs visibility. If we don’t know who bankrolled a guy, we can’t honestly assess whether his or her actions, once elected, aren’t influenced to the benefit of one over the many. A few of you are going to tell me this is awful because it gives government the power to retaliate against those who give money to the side that lost. That’s a valid concern, but a separate issue. Blatant political retaliation is not necessarily about money. If the government wants you, they can get you all kinds of different ways.

If a politician meets with a corporation and then writes a letter demanding action on their behalf, they’re on report. If a politician talks with a rich guy in a bar, they’re on report. If a politician goes to visit a business, they’re on report. And so on. If politicians don’t like micromanaging & reporting their lives this way, then don’t run for office. You work for us, we don’t trust you, and so we’ll monitor you like a boss monitors a degenerate employee.

If it’s all legal, if it’s all part of the normal activities of government, then the people who government represents have a right to know about it. And then we can judge for ourselves if these actions are legitimate. If it’s all above board, they have nothing to hide. If they’re up to no good, we must know and take appropriate measures.

 

capitol-in-1800

They had money problems too, but also Honor & Duty

 

The great comedian, social & political commentator, Bill Hicks has a number of swell lines. You can love Bill or hate him. He had a lot to say that pissed people off. This is kind of why I favor him. Even as I agree with a lot of what he said, I also despise a lot of the rest. By the way, he knew this. It was his point. Either way, he died well before his time. Here’s my favorite from him:

“It’s all about money, not freedom, y’all, okay? Nothing to do with fuckin’ freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay?”

Now granted, Bill might have meant you can’t take a bus somewhere and check into a hotel room without cash. But I suspect he really meant something along the lines of what I’m talking about here today.

Igniting this core of evil and dancing upon its shattered grave is going to be very hard. Everybody in power has a vested interest in its continuance. So we need to work the problem together. If we don’t, our freedom’s destroyed forever. This isn’t a right, left, east, north, whatever, “side” thing. This is an “Our Freedom” thing. Gather your fireworks, matches, and booze, friends. It’s well past time to detonate this hateful disease from our way of life.

Let’s ask the robots to battle human misery

It’s cool to distract ourselves from the crushing reality of life with neat little treats, right? Look everybody, it’s a creepy solar powered robot directing traffic in a destitute country. How awesome is that! Well, not at all. If you think it is, as apparently half the modern news media does, you need to go first in line when the machines conveyer belt us all into the incinerator.

I don’t get the fascination with the two Kinshasa robots. In a broken city of ten million dominated by poverty, crime, and corruption we get a series of one or two paragraph articles from our wise, establishment journalists about a faceless little robot that replaces a transportation cop. This just displaced the human to walk a beat so he could get cash. When he’s stuck in the middle of the traffic circle, he can’t demand money.

I want to know how much these robots cost and then how much sleaze occurred just to get them built. Don’t ask the news idiots for that information; they’re not in the business of asking hard questions. They were too busy interviewing the Congolese officials, who bought a new refrigerator off the bribe cash they got, how they put the robots there.

Or maybe I’m wrong, it seems even the most impoverished soul loves the robots because they actually do their jobs and can’t request currency. So they’re superior to your average Congolese enforcer. Hell, they’re even better than any human, anywhere.

Let’s build more of them! They can perform all kinds of delightful tasks:

a) Cure Polio – Militant religious (not religious) assholes will have a real hard time assassinating a polio vaccination worker made of titanium.

b) Banish Malaria – Since we as a human race can’t afford to issue everybody six dollar bed nets, the robots can stand guard and zap mosquitos that approach at night.

c) Purify Potable Water – The robot will stand next to your putrid source, extend a pipe from its groin into the water, and then produce ready to drink liquid from his hand into your container of choice.

d) Execute Justice – A black cloaked machine will preside over the courts and interpret the law impartially using a wide database of past legal history. Verdicts will surprisingly be rendered without considering the influence of financial wealth and/or death threats.

e) Enforce the Righteous Arm of Morality – Thug androids made of tungsten will patrol the beat with all government and law enforcement officials. Said machine will be preprogrammed to identify the chemical reactions present in the skin and brain of an official demanding a bribe. If observed, the thug robot breaks the legs of the offending individual with a pipe.

I mean honestly, why not, it’s not like we’re going to do any of these things ourselves.

robot

I live only to serve the public. Your adoration is enough to fuel all my physical and spiritual desires.

The machines aren’t taking over

Next Thursday you get to commute to work drunk, while texting, without even knowing what city you’re in. Because according to people who are smarter (not smarter) than I, self-driving cars are on offer for delivery to your garage (or palace) next week. And self-driving ships are just around the corner too:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-26438661

Except that they’re not. It’s not going to happen. But enjoy all the fun thinking about it.

Two things are going to prevent the machines from taking over our cars, ships, planes, tuk-tuks, and brains.

1) Lawyers

The Children of Satan are going to run these ideas in the ground. If your self-driving car hits another car who pays? You? Them? The program coder? Your car? Your ex-wife? Think you can answer this question? You probably can, you’re an intelligent person. The problem is you don’t have enough money or influence to buy the votes that will write the laws that govern this. And they’ll screw it up. The dispute resolution process is going to be more complicated than a twelve year old explaining to you how to do long division again.

2) Cash

In order for the concept of self-driving hunks of steel to actually work, they have to achieve widespread use. Otherwise it’s just a fluke for rich assholes. I can buy my own jet car but that doesn’t change humanity. Nobody’s going to have the cash to buy these things. The freaks will claim that over time the costs will come down and your local grocery bagger can buy one too. They’re lying. Personal desktop computers were around for thirty years before the smartphone obliterated them from dominance. During that time their prices were consistently $1K-$2K depending on your desired model. If the freaks have shown anything, it’s that the cost of their technology won’t be coming down.

And in any case, why bother? Who cares? So cars and ships are more efficient driving themselves? So we can drink beer or check our e-mail while our car drives itself? Your car’s still going to sit in traffic whether you’re in control or not. The plane will still take off and land regardless of who’s up front. But driverless cars are safer! Yep, sure they are, and my computer never crashes. Ever.

So automated technology will displace humans so they can do what? The freaks will tell you that it frees the human mind to do other things. So the deck seaman on the Maersk container ship is going to become an artist or entrepreneur or something? Yeah, good luck with that.

It all just feels like a waste. Where do we draw the line and say, thanks machines, but this is ours because we’re alive and not non-sentient plants. Shall we allow the freaks to get the machines to cook us dinner, read to our kids, scratch our backs too? Sooner or later we’re going to have to remember that we’re freaking alive.

The author of this blog still looks up directions (yes, online, okay) and writes them on a small sheet of paper before leaving in his pocket car. If I get lost, oh well. At least it allows me to know where the hell I am over time. When you’re just having your smartphone tell you where to turn, maybe you’d better hope it drives you off a bridge. Best to enjoy life and do things for yourself. You’re not going to be here much longer anyways.

ship

Hello humans, my name is Ship, and I’m so very, very boring.

Get ready to pay to breathe air

Should you have to pay to park at a hospital to visit a family member?  Your answer is probably no.  But you’ll have to do it, unless you’re already doing it, in which case I feel your pain.  Welcome friends, to the new era where even your very darkest moments are a commodity worthy of exploitation by a spreadsheet metric that determines an increase of 0.47% per quarter is worth overpowering that basic human value:  “In general, try to treat your neighbor as you’d like to be treated.”

Here’s another delightful example that even the most grizzled Arcturan enforcer would find abhorrent.  Jennette’s Pier in Nags Head, North Carolina, USA has existed since 1939.  You’ve had to pay to fish, crab, or hold parties on it.  But since its creation you could at least walk on the damn thing for free.  This masterpiece is owned by the state of North Carolina but managed by a private entity, a true match made in hell.  Now you have to pay $2 just to walk on it.  Remember strolling down that [insert anything here] with your family as a child, all those good times, the memories that last forever?  Well fuck you!  So a cherished one-hundred year tradition falls victim to the new basic human value:  “Where possible, be a dick.”

Easy payment of things with your smartphone or future brain chip is real fun and trouble-free right?  It won’t be.  When all you have to do is waive your future brain phone against a machine to extract payment directly from your bank account in a fraction of a second?  Well friends, you’re going to pay just so you can expel carbon dioxide.  Your local, state, and federal government(s) are going to get in on it too.  Don’t think your taxes are enough, your local deputy-under-assistant city planner needs new boots.  It’s so easy that everybody is going to charge you money to do everything.

Want to => quick pay please

-Cover charge to enter a high traffic public urban zone on foot $5

-Enter a public park with your family $2

-Park at a hospital $5

-Retrieve your mail $1

-Walk hand-in-hand with your significant other on a pier that’s existed for 100 years $2

-Watch your kid’s game from the stands $3

-Observe the sunset from a popular location $5

-Retrieve your e-mail $1

-Call to speak with your local government for assistance with anything $1

-Drive on any road, anywhere $6

-Pick somebody up from the airport curbside $4

-Consult with a deity $0.02

Think I’m crazy?  Well, that’s true, but as discussed, it’s already started to happen.  Enjoy it, because there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

Businessman-computer

“Yeah, we have a lot of money, but you don’t understand, we need more, and you’re going to give it to us.  (chuckles)  [pause]  Yes, I understand, but what are you going to do about?  [pause]  Ah, no, no, you’re going to pay, trust me.”

Internet – You’ll miss the Wild West one day

One of the greatest films ever made (according to me; which means it’s fact) is The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.  There’s a lot going on in this film both on and beneath the surface, but suffice to say one of the main themes is how a newly modern America comes to terms with its myths, specifically that of the Wild West.

One day, they’re going to make a great film where we all fondly remember what it was like when the internet was the Wild West.  It’ll star Ashton Kutcher as the grizzled, wrinkled, impotent (literally) internet coder who goes back home (Zip Code 94027) only to shock the news robots (human journalists will be extinct due to incompetence and bias) with his tales of how the internet probably wasn’t the anarchy everybody thought.  Like Jimmy Stewart, the robots will print the legend.

Look, the internet was developed by the government, for the government.  Then a bunch of university scientists, funded by the government, started to play around with it.  Drug fueled freaks turned it into a product the normal human could use.  Then corporations got their claws into it but could never completely get the freaks to give it up and thus we roughly see the tool we use today.

What’s different now is that the corporations are taking over.  The government and the freaks are losing power.  Why?  Mostly cash, mostly.  Money buys other corporations, lobbyists (votes), and shapes the images you see every day.  The freaks lost out because they wanted cash too, more cash than dirty oil barons.  The government was run over due to the aforementioned vote buying.  Your local representative doesn’t know how to spell the word broadband, but will vote however Verizon instructs him if it means he gets to lick one more cigar with an $800 bill.

Think it’s a coincidence that Comcast and Netflix signed an agreement (terms are unavailable for the public because Satan probably gave the notary) just days after Comcast decided to corner nearly half of America’s available broadband market?  If you think so, you deserve a personal donation to medical science.  Most people will claim it doesn’t matter because they are too stupid to care or they will argue the market takes care of itself.  Well, maybe.

Here’s a thought though, the internet is more important than roads, buildings, the telephone, or even the air.  If the freaks get what they want, your car, your thermostat, even your freaking heart will all one day be online.  Feel comfortable turning all that over to the corporations that have rigged the game in their favor?  I don’t.

Don’t agree with me?  One day you will.  And even though it’s a legend, you’ll still miss the internet’s Wild West.

xfinity-comcast-logo-144437

“We find your heart’s broadband percentages too burdensome to our network.  Thus, make peace with your maker.”