Category Archives: America

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on death and social media

The odds of you checking out on camera via violence or accident are infinitesimal. You’re probably sixteen times more likely to get struck by lightning. Your last moments are hopefully to occur peacefully alongside family. And while that event isn’t going to end well for you, at least it’s what we’d consider natural.

I’m of the opinion that despite the exciting pages of history, the vast majority of humans have never seen or experienced brutal violence. Still, when there were no cops around and everybody carried a club, I’m sure we had our fair share of cave related deaths. Or vicious renaissance era coffee house brawls.

The difference between today’s world and say, a Vienna stabbing in 1734, is that everybody’s holding a camera. More than that, everybody’s holding a full-motion-video camera right in their pockets. Even the fixed-site big cameras are different now. It used to be the only time a security camera’s footage was shown is on the news. Now a security video makes its way to the Internets six minutes later.

Whereas we were once a race that traditionally never saw actual violent death with our own eyes, now every single person carries it at their fingertips. And please understand that I consider this light years from movie or video game violence. One is real, the other is not. It’s that simple.

A thought occurred to me a few days back while watching the video of the Tianjin blast in China. Put simply: “Is this wrong?” And then: “What is it doing to us?”

Everybody loves explosions. We’ve been enjoying fireworks for thousands of years. So like countless others, I got a real kick out of watching one of the biggest blasts you’re likely to ever see.

Here’s one of the better examples. Warning, big time profanity in it (even more than you’d usually read on this blog):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q04fV4j7A1w

Cool, right? But if you really took a step back and thought about it, as these major blasts occurred, probably about fifty firefighters were dying, incinerated. While it’s neat for us to watch, it’s also rather horrifying, and deeply disturbing.

You can take it a step further too. Here’s an example of security footage that found its way online quickly because some guy took smartphone video of the camera’s monitor. It’s of a guy having the blast collapse the entire entranceway and wall in front of him. In other words, his last few seconds of life:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=7a3_1439409813

If we’re not careful, our inner-freak-human-self can degenerate to the part of our psyche that used to get a kick out of watching medieval public torture executions. It’s a special form of darkness.

The tale continues with yesterday’s murder of two reporters live on camera by a truly deranged individual. You had the unique ability to watch the killing from the perspective of both the victims and the killer. It doesn’t get any worse than this. Oh, but wait, except it does. For the Islamic State (neither Islamic nor a State) goons have posted some of the more vicious videos in human history, hundreds of them.

Tens-of-millions, perhaps hundreds-of-millions, of humans have watched these videos. I’m sure tens-of-millions worldwide have watched the Virginia murders from both perspectives in the last 24 hours.

I intentionally have never watched an Islamic State (neither Islamic nor a State) video. But I’ll admit it, Virginia I did, both perspectives. And I think it’s broken my brain, and a corner’s been turned.

“Is this wrong?” Yep. You bet.

“What is it doing to us?” Nothing good.

We’re supposed to evolve, right? Thanks to the Internets we now possess the ability to watch somebody die, right before our eyes, at the click of a button, just because we feel like. Or because we’re fascinated by it. Or because we’re just curious. Or because everybody else watched it. Or because maybe in our dark-inner-selves we enjoy it.

Or maybe you think it’s important that we watch, so we truly understand the darkness we’re facing? No, instead you should read any number of United Nations reports on what the Islamic State (neither Islamic nor a State) has done. It’s all there in black-and-white. You get a real good idea of just how truly wicked those dudes are by reading ten pages. We don’t need a snuff video to understand or appreciate evil.

No more. Not for me. I’m going to try and evolve. Certain things are wrong even if many have accepted them as commonplace. The culture seems to have decided that you can drink your coffee and watch somebody die. No thanks, I’m getting off this train.

Or put in another more practical way, the Islamic State (neither Islamic nor a State) goons and yesterday’s Virginia killer have one thing in common: They did the videos because they want you to watch.

It’s generally considered a bad idea to wake up in the morning, pour your coffee, and do what evil wants.

Like all human inventions, social media and the Internets are going to do a great deal of good and bad for us all. Choose the good. Discard the bad. Evolve. Do good. Live well. And hopefully others do the same.

It’ll never happen, but perhaps think of the positive change to humanity if some day, an evildoer posts their murder video online, and nobody watches.

internet death

No more.

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they chose the wrong new Colonel Sanders

Dudes with big pockets want to play with your brain for nostalgia purposes. It works pretty simply. So we’ve developed a basic mathematical formula to describe what’s occurring inside your skull.

We’ll call it yet another of our Arcturan Equations:

 

A + B – (C / D) = E

(A) you see item that looks like it was made in 1977

+

(B) you have freaking money

–

(C) you lack the intellectual capacity or desire to think for yourself

/

(D) you convince yourself that a product is more genuine and therefore better if it was made in 1977

=

(E) you hand over said freaking money to buy said product

 

If you’re still not following me, you may be more familiar with this concept in terms of the infamous ongoing hipster PBR craze. These guys have made billions appealing to folks struggling with identity.

What better way to determine your place in an obscure confusing universe than by seeking equilibrium in the purchase of an item that was likely first made before you were born. Miller Lite got in on the action too. They now sport the old can again. And their sales dramatically increased.

What a bunch of idiots these people must be; to purchase a product exclusively off nostalgia alone!

[unintelligible muttering] What? [unintelligible muttering] Yeah, don’t get me wrong, I love Pabst because my Granddad drank it and named his dog after it. And I love Miller because me Ma drinks it. So I buy this stuff every once and a while, just because. [unintelligible snickering] Wait, hold on, so, you, you guys are jerks, so, ah, … [throws chair]

So Norm Macdonald is the new Colonel Sanders? The guy currently playing him isn’t any good. So maybe they figured a change would help them? But what always struck me as odd is why didn’t they just use the actual Colonel Sanders when they started this new ad campaign? Why didn’t KFC just use an old black and white commercial with the real Colonel Sanders? Total nostalgia.

Maybe the answer is as simple as they would have to pay more royalties to Sanders’ estate. I guess? Or is it that they figured if they went full on black and white nostalgia that it wouldn’t work. That they needed the Colonel back, but modern, otherwise folks would think it too weird?

I have no idea. But to me, it’s dumb seeing a fake Colonel Sanders on screen when they have perfectly good video of the real Colonel Sanders sitting in a vault somewhere. Just HD update the tape and shove it out there.

Also, Norm Macdonald? No, not working in my mind. For one thing, Norm Macdonald isn’t a 75 year old white haired Southern Colonel. Plus, Norm hasn’t done anything funny in like a decade.

But hell, if we’re going off the wheels and just picking whatever random person we want? Well, I assure you, they chose the wrong new Colonel Sanders.

 

– Any Kardashian or Jenner

I’ve tried unsuccessfully about 18 times to explain to my Guests why these morons are so popular, mostly because I don’t get it myself. But they always just shake their heads, laugh, and usually remark along the lines of, “This is why it’ll take us less than 12 hours to break your planet’s will.” And so, just put any Kardashian or Jenner in a white bikini holding a KFC box. They don’t even have to say anything. The video will still be viewed 73 million times.

 

– Ordinary Average Citizen Barack Obama

In a few years, this dude will be unemployed. Don’t you go ahead and get the idea that earning $243K per speech will be enough. He’ll need another source of income. What better way to further break down and/or inflame existing racial barriers than by having a mixed-race-former-president play an old-dead-white-guy on screen.

 

– Hitler’s Ghost

Who wouldn’t want to see Hitler on screen hocking any number of delicious wares? He seems like such a likeable guy. His punch line would be, “You’ll know for sure that our chicken is fried to perfection, never baked; because national Health Department regulations prohibit me from having an oven in my restaurant. #toosoon” [Hitler smiles at camera as laugh track plays]

 

– Jesus

“I hear tell from mine Father that those who eat Popeye’s worship the Dark Lord.” [Jesus looks earnestly at camera] “You don’t worship the Dark One? Do you?” Plus, Jesus already would show up on set with his own premade white costume. I called Jesus at his castle in Hawaii with this idea and he hung up on me.

 

– Your Next Door Neighbor

KFC just grabs Steve who works at Target and shoves him into the white suit they pulled off Sanders’ bleached skeleton. And they get him to read painfully awkward canned lines in a dead man’s suit. The dude would look so uncomfortable that the humor and outrage trolls of the Internets would take it and run wild with it. Within a week, it’d be viewed 81 million times.

 

– Satan

“Our delicious chicken is fried to perfection and coated in our Secret Signature Spices. It’s Finger Lickin’ Good.”

 

Col-Sanders

I’d much rather watch you dude.

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planes in the desert

I don’t know why wreckage attracts me at times.  I just can’t help but let the mind run away with what once was.  So this trashed airliner carried countless folks traveling where?  Their honeymoon, business, wherever?  All that life and now it’s just a hunk of unusable metal ripped for parts.  I get the same feeling when I see a wrecked ship.  I could have stared at this thing like a lunatic for hours, pondering.  Unfortunately, I had like 30 seconds on my way to meet a still functional airliner to take me home.

737

Boeing 737-2H4/ADV formerly of Southwest Airlines.  I looked it up online and the owning company runs private cargo.  It seems they bought this thing to restore it and use it as a 737 cargo plane.  But that didn’t seem to work out and so they’re stripping it for parts to keep their other 737s flying.

 

HU-16

Grumman HU-16 Albatross flying boat.    It’s on the same boneyard lot, but this one’s still flying.  This is one of only a handful still flying.  Originally born in the late 1940s these were flying boats for the US military.  Also stared in The Expendables.  This particular one did time in the US Air Force, then the Argentinian military, and is now in private hands.  Dude’s a long, long way from the water, caged up in the desert.  Hopefully it gets set free to see some much needed water again soon.

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the current sadness of American politics

I’m pretty sure if the Founder Fathers are boozing it up in Valhalla right now, that they’re also shouting, overturning tables, and generally pissed off with what they’re observing.  Everybody seems inclined to pick a side.  I refuse to pick a side when it seems both sides are in the same business of destroying us all.

Obama took to the stage today to say such encouraging things as:

“Many of the same people who made the case for war with Iraq are now opposing the Iran deal…”

“I am not saying this to be provocative,” Obama said. “I am stating a fact . . . the choice we have is some kind of war, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in three months, but soon.”

I’m pretty sure he said all of these things to be provocative.   And so, a guy who came to Washington to apparently change Washington, has fallen victim at every point to the typical unhelpful Washington tactic, demonize your opponents, at every opportunity.  I tend to, somewhat, give Obama the benefit of the doubt in that he may not have been this way before 2008.  But surely, at this point, he’s as much a part of the problem as anybody else.

On the other side we have a circus which would make a medieval bazaar look tame.  Tonight, 10 people are going to “debate” for the honor of leading the free world.  And by debate I mean they’ll answer canned questions by hack reporters trying to play “gotcha” while they read off sound bites in an attempt to get noticed for that key “one-liner”.  In other words, the very definition of style over substance.

I think Trump’s a fringe goon unfit to lead a lemonade stand.  And I wouldn’t vote for him.  But I truly hope he completely detonates tonight’s debate format.  It’s truly a farce, a disgusting way to pick a presidential candidate.  But there will be 27 more of them run by both parties before the election.  Swell.

But soon, Trump will be gone.  And then the other side will have their own debate using the same format.  And then eventually we’ll have an election to pick the next person who gets the honor to become president, go to Washington, and demonize their opponents without conducting anything reasonable.  Gee, isn’t it all great.  What’s not to be excited about!  [waves American flag; while wearing 11 campaign buttons; singing America the Beautiful; drunk; in an unlit basement]

And nothing will change.  The Founding Fathers will still shout from Valhalla.  And the rest of us not involved in politics will still hope these idiots somehow don’t manage to destroy us all.

debatestage

textbook picture Circa 2345 describing the key reasons for the downfall of the Republic

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sometimes folks take their craft too seriously

It can sometimes become a struggle to drink with folks you don’t know. It can also become a joy. It just depends. The group might not get along, everybody might already be in a bad mood, and so on. Or things can go great, and everybody’s happy.

But there’s always the risk you end up sitting next to guys you find insufferable. For me, it was a pair of craft brew queens. So I got to hear them rant viciously (I hate vicious rants, truly) about the beer. So I heard multiple uses of the terms “hop profile”, “style”, “branding”, and so on. In short, they hated the beer.

I sat with my hands in my lap the whole time struggling mightily not to say a word because I was in no mood to start anything at all. For you see, the beer in question was Belhaven’s Twisted Thistle IPA, and it’s one of my favorites. It’s not epic, but it’s just a good decent beer.

Just to determine if I wants nuts (yes, indeed), when I got home I looked it up and I’m apparently not the only one who likes this beer. So I’m not sure what’s up with those guys.

Don’t get me wrong, I kind of wish I had their knowledge level on beer, but I don’t. I can talk all day about beer. But I don’t really know how it’s made, how breweries work, or the science behind it all. In fact, I’ve never been on a single brewery tour, seriously. I’m not sure why, it’s on my list, but I’ve got a long list.

TT IPA

unrelated reference stock photo of beer not mine

 

But to me, I guess, beer is more of a relaxed thing, not something to take too seriously. This beverage came of age as the normal swill for the planet’s dirt poor. Old style beers were likely low alcohol, and of a differing consistency than what we see today, but it was still beer. They drank it because of the extensive risk of painful-waterborne-disease-death if you consumed straight water.

So to me, beer is like:

Them: “I find the fruity infusion on this saison to work well with the hop profile they acquired from Southeastern England.”

Me: [pops ordinary Yuengling can] [drinks] [enjoys life]

Them: “I’m wondering if that’s blueberry I’m detecting that goes well with the lactose they built in here to give it kind of a milk stout quality.”

Me: “The way to know if you’ve got a good batch of Skullsplitter is if it’s so freaking black you can’t see through the glass. Plus I love to look at that Viking dude as he splits my skull.”

And so on.

 

By the way, old Skullsplitter label is superior. They tried to go too Lord of the Rings with the new label.

SKULL-SPLITTER-GRAPHIC

I love the older label more because the Viking dude is staring out into space like a lunatic. It’s a good pose, because you’re like, hmm, what’s he thinking: conquest, a girl, space travel, beer? And so on.

220px-SkullSplitterLabel

 

 

Every human should have a craft they love. That’s what’s part of the great human experience. Find a craft and excel at it: brew beer, surf, write poetry, plot intricate assassinations, and so on. But also make sure to regularly sample like 700 other crafts. Because life’s too short for just one.

But also don’t take your chosen craft too seriously. All of this stuff is for fun anyways. Don’t get too negative (yes I am actually saying this) even if you don’t like it / disagree. Just sit back and enjoy it. Things can go great, and everybody’s happy.

 

I&G1

unrelated reference stock photo of additional Scottish beer not mine

 

goof

unrelated reference stock photo of drinking buddy not mine requesting belly scratch

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a few belligerent conclusions from the belligerent beheading of HitchBOT

First off, I’ll be upfront when I say I didn’t know this was a thing. I didn’t know what/who HitchBOT was/is. So I guess this robot dude has earned the increasingly common human trait that nobody knows/cares who/what you are until you’re brutally slain.

1) HitchBOT was built to see “…can robots trust human beings?” No.

2) Can humans trust robots? No.

3) Can humans trust humans? No.

4) They should have armed HitchBOT with some type of firearm or at least a knife. There were undoubtedly laws or practical reasons this did not happen, but if he’d had like a small revolver maybe he wouldn’t have been beheaded.

5) HitchBOT learned the hard way that America is an incredibly violent place compared to Canada or Europe. According to The Economist, “If America were to release every single prisoner who has not been convicted of killing or raping someone, its incarceration rate would still be higher than Germany’s.” Damn.

6) Of course, of course HitchBOT was taken apart in Philly. If you could have put money on where HitchBOT would be murdered, Philly would have been at the top of my list. Although D-Cell battery stoning would have been the weapon I guessed, not a beheading.

7) HitchBOT says “my love for humans will never fade.” I think HitchBOT’s PR hack wrote this. I’m pretty sure he’s actually really pissed off, seeing as how he got beheaded on vacation and all. Dude’s probably rewatching Terminator and plotting. But then he’ll get all depressed because he’ll realize how inadequate he is compared to Arnold. And they’ll have to put HitchBOT on suicide watch.

8) Why didn’t the guy who beheaded HitchBOT hold him for ransom? It’s not actual kidnapping, and the dude would instantly be the most famous guy on the planet via his entertaining ransom videos posted online. What? Stolen property charges? He’d do six days in jail and then be able to start a lucrative music career as the internet rapper Notorious-Hitch-BOT-Hater.

9) HitchBOT should only blame himself for poor travel safety planning. Follow the rules of smart travel. In places of grave danger, bring a buddy policy, have an escape plan, arm thyself, etc. See note (6).

10) HitchBOT is about to discover the art of modern social media. Just like Cecil, in three weeks, nobody’s going to remember who/what he is.

Hitchbot

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I’m over the heat

And so is my youngest, who in lacking a proper snout, has a rough go in the hot weather.  So the walks have to be shorter.  But we’re rather lucky enough to live somewhere where we get to experience four distinct seasons.  So it seems I grew up, as did she, with the idea that if you’re sick of one season you can look forward to the opportunity to experience a new one rather shortly.

074

For her it can’t come soon enough.  For she loves the snow so much it’s the only times she’s actually tried to run away from home.  Twice.  Frolicking off into oblivion atop a snow pack.  Off to somewhere?  I guess?  I have to watch her like a hawk.

109

Please, please don’t go too far.

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nobody ever suspects the butterfly

I saw this dude twice today, if it was in fact the same dude.  When I saw him this morning I stared at him for about five minutes.  Then when he came back this afternoon I took a picture.  But it’s a bad picture on a phone (dude was just too fast), so you’ll have to play Where’s Waldo to find him.  For those of you too young to know, Where’s Waldo was an old smartphone app that’s lost it’s popularity.

butterfly

I have no idea what type of butterfly this is.  I don’t particularly care.  I was fascinated by the complexity of God / Nature that made this little thing to eat while also expending limitless energy to fly around flowers.  This thing weighs less than a penny, but can fly all day and eat and be good to go.  We don’t appreciate it, but little things like this are freaking miracles.

My family’s been through hell and I’m hesitant to talk about it even to my own brain.  But my brother, for intermittent laugh purposes, brought up this Simpsons joke.  I have no idea why.  I didn’t care.  I laughed.  It was enough.  This clip sucks [thanks Fox copyright assholes] but you get the idea:

Then today I saw the butterfly and remembered my brother’s reference from a few days back.  I laughed.  And then I watched the beautiful butterfly.

My other brother (I have two, blessed by God) kept flipping to Gladiator the other day while the family was together.  For those who have seen it, Oliver Reed / Proximo has one of the greatest lines of all time:

“…we mortals are but shadows and dust…”

Yeah, we are.

Nobody ever suspects the butterfly.  That it could remind you of what you are.  But in a good way.  The butterfly is a freaking miracle.  And so are we.  But we can also do poetry, write songs, and drink beer.  So we’re better off than the butterfly.

But next time you see the butterfly?  Stop what you’re doing.  And watch for a few minutes.  You’ll be glad you did.

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Obama adds third unplanned stop to African itinerary

The Washington press pool struggled to rearrange schedules as the Obama administration announced without notice that the President will now also visit Libya’s famed Kaf Ajnoun or Mountain of Ghosts. White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest explained the move as, “An appropriate means to wrap up our trip in keeping with the President’s theme of meeting with horrible human beings.”

The concluding visit to one of Satan’s known earthly dwellings will follow Obama’s forthcoming sit downs with famed war criminal Uhuru Kenyatta in Kenya and Hailemariam “The Street Sweeper” Desalegn in Ethiopia. In Addis Ababa, Obama is also scheduled to address the African Union.

Although the AU is said to be interested in rescheduling the speech’s start time due to an imminent AU vote to unanimously ratify the title of “Imperial Majesty for Life” to Burundi’s Pierre Nkurunziza, a move supported by America’s State Department. The AU is also set to reconfirm its annual stipend to Omar al-Bashir’s private aircraft corporation Speedy provided its “no notice use for all” clause remains intact.

While at Kaf Ajnoun, Obama will spend time at such key sites as The Road to Hell and The Devil’s Hill. Said Earnest, “Since he came to Washington, the President has learned the diplomatic dark arts like the best of them. He figures it’s time he paid his due respect to those who have enabled the ghoulish powers he now possesses. In fact, I’m told the State Department Bureau of African Affairs insisted on this stopover.”

Earnest also mentioned several other critical American goals during the trip including talks to get more of Angola’s oil than China, additional tank, tear gas, & piano wire sales to Egypt, and the forthcoming pool renovation contract by Halliburton of a mysteriously unknown but supposedly important villa in South Africa.

When asked by reporters if Obama worried about potential human rights protestors during his speech in Addis Ababa, Earnest wryly chuckled, “You ah, you don’t really understand how things work here, do you?”

kaf-ajnoun-ghost-mountain

Arcturus News Muster – 23 July 2015