Bask in the approved-mandated-directed future of young love

Are you one of the freaks out there looking for a pet cause? A piece of advice, if you’re choosing one that overturns a cultural tenant that has existed since the Dawn of Man, it’s best to use caution before you open your mouth.

The latest quest in the seemingly never-ending journey to enslave humanity comes from the ever-increasing Command & Control culture of Great Britain. The question on display is whether you require somebody’s active consent before you kiss them. No, I did not make this up. Behold, observe the total validity accorded to the nonsense at hand by a respected (increasingly less so) publication:

“I’ve been talking about this with friends recently and whether people should say, ‘Is it okay if I kiss you now?’ and actually I think it’s really sweet because what you’re saying is, ‘I don’t want to do something that would upset you’.”

So a cultural practice in place for (conservatively estimated) about five-thousand years is worthy of destruction because the politically-correct-machine-engineered-fear-hate crowd has determined that a harmless kiss is completely out of bounds if prior permission is not acquired for the attempt.

For the record, to the freaks who will likely accuse me of advocating physical or mind rape, I’m not proposing that a man who forces his lips upon any woman like a barbarian is worthy of a defense. That garbage has been out of bounds since before Troy. But what the above lunacy is saying is that it’s now a requirement in all situations. Just to be safe. Regardless of the circumstances.

Now we wouldn’t want the girl or boy (yes, it cuts both ways, does it not) to say no. Then you could get sued, accused of sexual assault, or run out of town on the rails by the local media as a sex offender. And thus, all passion, spontaneity, and joy are ground into dust by the lawyers, politicians, and social activists intent on controlling not just all our lives, but all of human behavior.

Do you think I’m ranting like a lunatic? Well, that’s true, but just you wait. They’re going to get what they want. Why? Because in today’s culture and society it seems whoever can shout the loudest wins. Outrage, real or imagined, is more important than common sense and the wisdom our culture has acquired over not completely destroying ourselves for thousands of years. 

What you know and accept as truth is wrong. They’ll tell you what’s right. If you disagree, you’ll have two options. Obey in silence. Get punished for your insolence. Your choice.

Don’t believe me, just view the documentary instructional video soon bound for consumption by your third grade child at all local elementary schools. It comes out during the 2029 school year. My guests provided me an advance copy via time travel (don’t ask). Enjoy!

[cue 1950’s instructional video introduction lively music; cut to man standing on a large, rectangular blacktop; he wears a nondescript black uniform; military in nature; he nods at information he reads from his black iPad]

Uniformed Man: Yes, yes, brilliant. [looks up] Oh, hello, I’m Grand Parade Ground Major Obey, and welcome to “The Boundaries of Love”. In this guidance you will acquire the skills necessary to achieve true young love! I hope you’re paying attention little ones, because soon you’ll be growing up, passing that special moment of your lives, and are thus directly accountable for your behavior. [wags spiny finger] And we all want to make sure we’re following the rules, eh? So let’s begin our voyage of discovery, shall we?

[cut to picture of middle school classroom]

GPGM Obey: [voiceover] Ah, the indoctrination environment. Knowledge, wisdom, guidance, and what, love? He, he, he, why yes of course. Let’s meet Little Johnny and Little Clarissa.

[typical young children; laughing behind their hands in class; the teacher not happy; very homely, comical, and genuine]

GPGM Obey: [voiceover] Now Little Johnny and Little Clarissa have known each other for years. Their government-approved-home-minders are good friends, and they see each other all the time on non-physical-work-appearance days. Naturally, as they’ve grown up, they’ve started to experience new feelings.

[cut to Little Johnny and Little Clarissa in the hallway; classes are beginning; but they remain as the hall empties out]

Little Johnny: You’re the best.

Little Clarissa: [giggles] You’re an idiot.

LJ: No really, I’m happy with you.

LC: [giggles]

[Little Johnny leans toward Little Clarissa, hesitantly, completely unsure of his actions]

LC: Wait, Johnny, but we haven’t discussed this. We have to talk first!

[Little Johnny pecks Little Clarissa lightly on the lips; both clearly enjoy the experience; the excitement and joy of young love; but Little Clarissa’s eyes are then filled with fear]

LC: Johnny! You didn’t get permission!

[the word “WRONG” appears in bold red watermark across the screen; cut to GPGM Obey on the blacktop]

GPGM Obey: Oh no, sorry Little Johnny, but your future secular-court-approved cohabitant has not authorized this kiss. So sorry that you didn’t pay attention in class.

[quick cut to scene of Little Johnny executed by a jackboot firing squad; the brutality is horrific as our pre-teen scamp is broken in half by a barrage of large caliber rifle rounds to the torso]

GPGM Obey: Huh, huh, huh, now I’m sure Little Johnny will think twice next time before he passes the boundaries of acceptable-social-conduct, eh? So, here’s how Little Johnny should have proceeded.

[cut to Little Johnny and Little Clarissa in the hallway, classes are beginning, but they remain as the hall empties out]

Little Johnny: You’re the best.

Little Clarissa: [giggles] You’re an idiot.

LJ: No really, I’m happy with you.

LC: [giggles]

LJ: I’d like your permission to kiss you.

LC: Oh. [clearly uncomfortable] Okay.

[Little Johnny pecks Little Clarissa on the lips; both clearly hate the experience; both their eyes are filled with terror; the experience devoid of all emotion and happiness]

LJ: Were you okay with that?

LC: Yes, I am okay with this event as it has occurred.

LJ: I enjoyed that.

LC: Yes, I feel validated by this experience.

LJ: I am glad we shared this moment.

LC: As am I. 

[cut to GPGM Obey on the blacktop]

GPGM Obey: Now wasn’t that so much better! Each individual clearly expressed their intentions, no ambiguity was present, and total order existed where it counted the most.

[cue 1950’s instructional video introduction lively music]

GPGM Obey: Well, little ones, that’s all the time we have for today. But remember, what you’ve learned today, always applies at all times. And don’t forget, if you’re not following the rules? We’ll know. Huh, huh, huh. 

[outro with GPGM Obey examining additional data from his iPad; cut to black]


This lovely picture, obtained via a simple Google search of the words “young love”, will soon be illegal if the individuals discussed above get their way

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