Now that the Christmas ads are over; the conglomerate mandated buildup to Sochi is at full speed.  Your locally owned deodorant and soda companies want you to know they’re in your nation’s corner (and wallets).  Your television needs your eyeballs (and wallets) for two solid weeks of winter delight.

As a human of eternal light (or darkness), all their millions (or billions) in advertising and marketing are of no use on me.  The emptiness of space has more interesting qualities than this shit show.  Here are just a few reasons.  Best of luck to the mad men (or women) at fixing any of these to get my eyes back:

1)  A $50 billion price tag run up by a magic wand waving totalitarian bigot

You too can charge the Russian taxpayer $800 per mosaic title in the bathroom of the inn sixty miles from the Olympic stadium next to the petrol station

2)  Sochi is a handful of miles from occupied territory

Most people think Abkhazia is a sausage and Georgia is the next bowl game

3)  Such exciting sports

Carving intricate designs into asphalt with a butter knife is more interesting than the ski jump or bobsled

4)  The privilege to observe recorded events chosen for you by the network, hours afterwards, with a commercial every four minutes

In this sport, the commercials are the main effort, the Olympics are what you see on break

5)  Professional athletes so machine engineered that the margin of error is less than the time it takes you to read two words

Some people call this exciting, for me nothing is more boring than a finish so close a supercomputer is required to determine who folded time and space to win