If you gotta go…


Today President Obama presented the Medal of Honor to the family of Brevet Lieutenant Colonel Alonzo Cushing, hero of Gettysburg. I took this shot in 2012, from his gun position. If you can imagine 15 thousand gray coats from end-to-end, you get the idea.

I grew up reading about him, knowing his name. I have no idea why. Maybe his age, 22 years old, drew me? In a weird way, I’m not so sure about the medal though. His peers lived this war, who are we to overturn their decision? Alonzo’s brothers, William and Howard, also went early via the field of battle. It was a very different time then.

We don’t get to choose how we check out, and given the chance, Cushing and anyone else would have rather wanted to go home that day. But sometimes one’s life is the pain, suffering, and honor of a single afternoon. Sometimes we simply do what we were born to do. “Faithful unto Death” is on his tombstone.

Hopefully Cushing and his brothers are boozing it up in Valhalla to celebrate. Alongside all those they fought with and against. So that we could all be free tonight.

Emotional cruelty to children makes for great entertainment

I’ve got an idea for the new internets video sensation. I’m gonna strap several small children to chairs and play movies to them of small cute animals meeting the wheels of large mobile vehicles. Then I’ll film their reactions and post them on the internets. I can’t fail! I’ll get a billion clicks overnight! Cool!

So usually, I’m the idiot who yells at folks who get offended by things. But in the case of Jimmy Kimmel getting parents to play with their kids’ brains on Halloween candy? Well, I’m not offended as much as depressed that this is what passes for hit entertainment.

Could you ever picture Johnny doing anything like this? No, Johnny had class. This stunt is positively classless. It’s also very, very creepy. Degenerate parents are so off the wall narcissist that they’re chasing internets clicks via the pain of their kids.

Yeah I know, I have also repeatedly said I hate bubble wrapped kids. But there are other ways to goof off with your kids. To play with their heads so they learn how to emotionally react to an ever-changing cruel world. Remember simple wholesome things like, “Got your nose”?

If “Got your nose” is the old school equivalent of a functional society, then “I ate all your candy” is the motto of a culture bound for the crypt. Enjoy the ride, friends.

I want to kidnap the parents of these kids, inject them with mind-expanding-chemicals, and then video tape them as I state:

“I stole all your money. You’re ruined. Fucked. All your hopes and dreams are finished. Here’s a revolver.”

And then I walk out of the room. When I post the video, I’ll get ten million clicks for sure!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to sign off. I’ve got to spend some time thinking about my next shitty blog post. Tomorrow, I’ll get so many neat clicks from the textual vomit that is my brilliance. I’m so smart and clever! There is nothing wrong with this at all. All is well. Please carry on.


Upon arrival in Valhalla, Johnny will punch this man square in the face

Your vote is probably irrelevant, but vote anyways

I feel like I wasted my time. Half the major ballot areas had only one candidate. For the other races, I already know who wins. So why did I do it? Because I believe in democracy and freedom.

We’d like to think our political servants are accountable to us, right? But they’ve rigged the game, both sides. Gerrymandering, fucking money, influence peddling, and so on. Do they actually work for us? Based on what I saw on my ballot today? I’m not so sure.

Maybe the average guy or gal is just out of it, irrelevant. But you know what, nobody held a gun to my head today, not yet anyways. I voted as my heart and conscience guided me. Over half the planet doesn’t have that. So I did it. You should too.